xRJ85x Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 After calling a girl for a second date tonight, I was thinking hard about this and came on here hoping to get some thoughts from the ladies about the post first date call from a different point of view: what's exactly going on in your head between the first date and the next time we call? I went out with a girl Friday for drinks, and what I expected to be a laid back, casual night of getting to know someone ended up with us staying out until really early in the morning and making out through the night until the next day when I had to leave. Overall, I loved hanging out with her and keep thinking about my next chance to see her again. But I wasn't sure exactly how she felt. I swapped a couple of texts with her Sunday to see how she was and let her know how much fun I had. She replied the same. So up came the typical dilemma of when to actually call her. Now while I am fully against "the rules," I still partially abide by them because of the standard that's basically been placed. So I took a medial approach and thought since I texted her on Sunday, I'd call her on Tuesday. Not only for the reason of not wanting to call too soon or wait too long, but also because I was fairly busy Monday and figured Tuesday was about the right day to plan between dates one and two on the weekend. So Tuesday seemed just about right. Now while this is 2 days after I texted her, it's 3 days after our date actually ended. So I called, and got the dreaded voicemail (which I left for the first date, so there's some hope). Now I'm sitting here worrying all night that I won't get a shot because of the possibility that I called too late anyway because I feel like girls out there may be holding those "rules" against us, and see it as a red flag. Notice how all this seems insane, but hopefully there are some out there who can understand this because planning the second date seems much more difficult when you have such a high interest after the first date. So is this really true or am I just being overly paranoid?
anned80 Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 For the future, I think the rules are silly. If you had a good time then call the next day or even ask at the end of the date when you can see her again. I like to know a man is interested in me. Obviously, don't obsessively call or text but it's perfectly fine to text/call the next day.
Author xRJ85x Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 (edited) For the future, I think the rules are silly. If you had a good time then call the next day or even ask at the end of the date when you can see her again. I like to know a man is interested in me. Obviously, don't obsessively call or text but it's perfectly fine to text/call the next day. Believe me, I woulda just stayed and hung out with her that day as a second date haha. But i also feel like you should have another date idea in mind when you plan the second date, so that was another reason for calling at that time; I needed to think of a second date idea. I guess I'm just worried now that she would have preferred me to call as soon as possible and is holding it against me that I care less than I really do. Call it overreacting, but the last girl who told me she really wanted to see me again never returned my call for a second date. And I like this girl a lot more than that one. And I know...i should actually give her a chance to call me back first.... Edited December 15, 2010 by xRJ85x
AlektraClementine Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 It's funny. Rules or no rules, peoples emotions seep out regardless. If you're eager, you will show eagerness whether you wait 5 minutes to call or 5 days. If you're apathetic, it'll show whether you wait 5 days or five minutes to call. I think people should spend more time learning to read personalities and less time calculating actions and words.
zengirl Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 If you leave until the morning, I think most people do best if they collect themselves and wait until the next day or something, early on. Give yourself some time to 'digest' your thoughts/feelings about the date. Waiting several days is unneccesary, and I've never really gotten far with dating anyone who did so. . . unless it happened organically (i.e. a fella waited a few days because one of us was going out of town, and that was already established, etc).
Author xRJ85x Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 It's funny. Rules or no rules, peoples emotions seep out regardless. If you're eager, you will show eagerness whether you wait 5 minutes to call or 5 days. If you're apathetic, it'll show whether you wait 5 days or five minutes to call. I think people should spend more time learning to read personalities and less time calculating actions and words. I agree, it would send all these stupid rules out the window and wouldn't have me worrying like this. This relates to my dilemma right now. We obviously had a great time, and I texted her the next day confirming that with her, so I'd like to think she knows I want to go out with her again. That's exactly why I asked this question, if girls have just how positive things were on their mind as opposed to the pessimistic view (he didn't call me back yet because he's playing games). For all she knows, or any girl knows, the guy could be sitting sick or hurt in the hospital. If you leave until the morning, I think most people do best if they collect themselves and wait until the next day or something, early on. Give yourself some time to 'digest' your thoughts/feelings about the date. Waiting several days is unneccesary, and I've never really gotten far with dating anyone who did so. . . unless it happened organically (i.e. a fella waited a few days because one of us was going out of town, and that was already established, etc). How long would you consider "several days?" And what was going through your head between the first date and that next call? I would think waiting around a week would be too long, unless as you said the person was going out of town or something big. The reason I wasn't originally worried was because Tuesday just happened to be the day for me to call with an idea. Between being busy and trying to brainstorm an idea, it just fell that way.
zengirl Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 How long would you consider "several days?" And what was going through your head between the first date and that next call? I would think waiting around a week would be too long, unless as you said the person was going out of town or something big. The reason I wasn't originally worried was because Tuesday just happened to be the day for me to call with an idea. Between being busy and trying to brainstorm an idea, it just fell that way. Several days would be if I noticed he'd kept me waiting. That'd almost definitely occur with no contact (and no future plans already set) within 48 hours. That's just me. I like men who can keep the pace up early on. I'm not saying the contact has to be intense -- a text is fine -- but I don't want to wonder if he's playing games or reconsidering, or to feel he's too busy for a good, engaging relationship.
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