If something starts to happen between us again, Do I stop it? Am I being stupid?

[Mollyanna]

For those of you who haven't read my previous posts, he broke up with me a few days after V-Day. He is still realing from a horrible divorce and he and I were getting very serious (going to meet my parents that weekend). His ex had a fight with him over the kids and he and I had our first little fight and he freaked out and broke up with me. He said he couldn't take being in a serious relationship again so soon.

 

I wish I could say I tried to let him go. But I couldn't. There has only been a few days since then that we haven't talked. And we have spent time together on 4 occasions since then. (2 of those involved his kids). I am not talking just a couple of hours either. When we get together, we go all out. We spend an entire day and evening. The first two times, we were not touchy-feely but definitely flirty and we fell asleep in the living room chair together at 5 in the morning. Last week, we made plans to meet up at our bar where all our mutual friends hang out. I did well. I walked in and sat with my friends. He had to approach me EVERY TIME. And we were very flirty and then suddenly he is holding my hand. (Because we are both night-owls and I had a flight at 6:30 in the morning, we planned to hang out until 4 or 5 AM somewhere and THEN I would go to the airport). We did just that. This visit was at MY house though. And we went straight to my room and hang out well you know what happened next. . . When my alarm went off at 5 he was still very clingy when we said goodbye.

 

The next day I called him when I was on a layover. I was afraid of what he would say, but he said it was no big deal that happened and no, it didn't ruin anything between us. He called me back late that night and during the discussion he repeated what he has said a few times in the last couple of weeks - that we can never be sure how things are going to turn out, and that we may just not be done yet.

 

Last night, he has his 8 year old son call me and invite me over to make cookies. I couldn't say no to his kids. At 2 AM, he fell asleep with his youngest son in the chair. I woke up him and told him to go to bed. He asked if there was anything I needed and then went to bed. So there I lay in his living room by myself trying to sleep. In 10 minutes I got upset because it was just too weird to not be sleeping together. So I went in and told him I was leaving. He seemed confused about it but said goodnight.

 

Today I called and he said he had plans to take the boys to his parent's. But then he added that if he got back early, maybe he would call and I would want to come over? I said OK. He didn't call, but that's ok.

 

I am scared of tomorrow. This is our night at the bar. This is the night we always go out. I had been avoiding it since the breakup until last week - and then we ended up in bed together again. I really want to go, but I don't know what is healthy. If something starts to happen between us again, do I stop it?

 

I mean, are we headed toward getting back together and so I should just keep doing what we are doing? I am so confused. the only thing I know for sure if that I don't want to get over him. I am falling in love with him - AND his children.

 

Please someone give me some good advice and tell me the best move to make. I don't want to lose him.

[jis13]

hey, well to begin with your probably wondering why people have not gave you a reply...well thats because its to long and now in days people dont like to read so much they want those big issue that are made into small paragraphs....

[SoleMate]

If I were you, I would tell him right out how much I want him, but that for my own mental health I could not have sex with him again, or consider ourselves bf/gf until:

 

* X months have passed

* He has been 100% consistent and dependable during those months

* He has 0 incidents of using the kids to call me or manipulate me

* That he make sure we are not in a sex situation during that whole time (no house visits)

 

I don't like the way he is using you, but you are playing along just as well. You'll get the kind of treatment from him that you insist on...and apparently not much better.

[Mollyanna]

sorry my issue was long. it was therapy for me to write it all out.

 

I wish I would have gotten some responses before last night. Because we did it again - this time at his house. And when I left this morning - it was pretty uncomfortable because I couldn't kiss him goodbye. God only knows why I didn't just do it. For Pete's sake, I just had sex with the man and slept in his bed all night.

 

Oh man I need some help - but solemate you have gotten me thinking on the right track I think. I need a to make a list of rules for myself to follow.