kaygato Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Ok, you can read the not-uber-long version of my break up here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256731/ I am really struggling with moving on, and making peace with the whole situation. I already wrote an embarrassingly long post about this topic and I must have spent so long typing it up that the website logged me out. Basically, I told my ex 2 days ago to stop sending me somewhat-nostalgic texts and texts asking "how I was doing". He only did this the couple times that I attempted no contact over the past 6 and a half weeks. After 2 or 3 days he would contact me, and completely mess me up and I'd ignore him for a day and then cave in and contact him. So...I told him to just not contact me unless it's necessary (like about me giving him back some stuff I was borrowing over x-mas break) or if he's interested in dating me again. I said I'd contact him when I thought I could deal with being just friends...but I can't right now. I figure that this is better anyway, because even though part of me was relishing the thought of ignoring him and making HIM feel rejected...this is much more honest and less passive-agressive. I don't want to make him angry...I actually hope we can get back together eventually. So this is probably in my best interest. I'll use this thread and the "post here instead of contacting your ex thread" to fight any urges I have to contact him or contact him back (if he doesn't honor my request). So just tell me I'm doing all I can...I'm really struggling in school right now. I'm going to be put on academic probation next semester since I'm failing 3 out of my 5 classes (with less than a 2.0). I was having issues in school and w/ pushing myself to make new friends partly because of personal issues....I have generalized anxiety disorder and I'm not diagnosed with but think I may have chronic mild depression (I've seen it called dysthymia). I'm dealing with those issues and am going to just focus on myself next semester. My schoolwork and the new friends I'm finally making. I maybe might try replacing my ex with some new guy friends...although I don't want to actualy rebound and start dating someone. Just tell me whatever you can think of to comfort me. Any chliche'd sayings you can think of. Any stories you have of people you know who borke up with their bf/gf when they were in college and got back together down the line. I'm not hoping for miracles when I contact my ex to try and be friends. If he contacts me after 6 weeks has passed...I figure I'll answer and try to be friends. If he doesn't and honors my request to not contact me unless he wants me back or it's absolutely necessary...I figure I'll contact him after 8 weeks. He's a nice guy and I'm sure would be my friend, but I'm hoping he'll still open up to me and we'll actually be able to talk about things instead of it just being awkward small talk. But I know it's unrealistic to hope for anything beyond that...so I guess i'll have to resign myself to us being only "polite friends". I mean, if he wants to than cool, but I'm just going to assume he won't. We're an hour apart, anyway, so we'd only be pen pals basically. But I will admit I'll have a tiny tiny fraction of hope when we decide to be "friends"....I think it's natural and I'll just have to control it and distract myself with other friends who I actually see every day. So yes...please give me words of comfort. I need to be at peace and keep my hope under control. It's exam week for me now...I need to study...and talk to my advisor about how to deal with the academic mess that was my last semester. I need to focus on myself and my issues, and start becoming real friends with the people I've started getting to know. Help me. Any words or comforrt to offer?
Shadowburn Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I am 4 months out and nowhere near to be ready friends with my ex. He called me yesterday to ask me out just to catch up, and I had to refuse - I know, I can't handle it, I still love him. Just hang in there. Break ups suck. But sooner or later it gets better - noone stays heartbroken forever. Take a good care of yourself.
sirweasles Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Wow I suffer from PTSD and currently in order to get my wife back to even wanting to talk about getting back together I have to get it under control. My suggestion to you is exactly what I cant get under control If you can stop yourself from dwelling on him and your past relationship and focus on you the panic attacks will gain less strength through time. PTSD combines depresion with panic attacks that are uncontrolled and different things will set them off I have just started medication that is supposed to help me. I can tell you that until you can gain control you will only make things worse between you and him. If you must go get medical help but get it under control now I waited and almost took my own life a week ago. Let me tell you there are worse places than jail the mental ward is one of them. GET HELP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author kaygato Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 I am 4 months out and nowhere near to be ready friends with my ex. He called me yesterday to ask me out just to catch up, and I had to refuse - I know, I can't handle it, I still love him. Just hang in there. Break ups suck. But sooner or later it gets better - noone stays heartbroken forever. Take a good care of yourself. Thank you. I'm so glad I found this forum. It's such a comfort to have people to talk to who are going through the same situation. This is my cure for being pathetic and irresponsible for my well-being. And that's how I honestly think I have been- pathetic and irresponsible for my well-being. I let my ex have way to much control over my happiness and I haven't been taking care of myself very well since we broke up. I now know that I need to make sure I have very strong friendships and keep family relationships alive as well as a relationship with my bf. Can't put your eggs all in one basket, so to speak. Relationships can end any day, and it was dumb of me to expect my boyfriend to always be there. He was just a boyfriend. Married people should even make sure they have other friends! I also think I'm too insecure and my identity was too wrapped up in him. And I need to be more responsible for my feelings and actions, and stop expecting other people to make me feel better or help me with my problems. Wow...I have a lot of problems relating to other people, apparently.
sirweasles Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I am in the same boat you are I have been married to the woman of my dreams for almost 7 years I never thought I would need anybody else now while she has all these people to talk to to help her cope I have nobody I have searched the internet over and over and over and I cant find anything online to help me find a one on one emotional support friend lol apperantly the online friend making isnt all its cracked up to be but how can I go out and make friends when I am emotionally torn to pieces. I hate seperation I hate the all to easy devorce system.
Author kaygato Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 Wow I suffer from PTSD and currently in order to get my wife back to even wanting to talk about getting back together I have to get it under control. My suggestion to you is exactly what I cant get under control If you can stop yourself from dwelling on him and your past relationship and focus on you the panic attacks will gain less strength through time. PTSD combines depresion with panic attacks that are uncontrolled and different things will set them off I have just started medication that is supposed to help me. I can tell you that until you can gain control you will only make things worse between you and him. If you must go get medical help but get it under control now I waited and almost took my own life a week ago. Let me tell you there are worse places than jail the mental ward is one of them. GET HELP NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm trying my best to get help and stop dwelling on the past relationship. I think i'm getting there...but I definitely do need to switch the focus back to myself. Thankfully, I don't get panic attacks, and my anxiety is probably mild but gets worse depending on the situation. I wish you luck and hope that you can get your panic attacks under control! Hopefully both of us can get our anxiety under control and put our lives back together.
sirweasles Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Agreed If you ever need sombody to just vent too sombody to listen to sombody to relate there own problems to you to let you know you are not alone let me know couse i would happily take the same help back no strings attached just needing to feel good about myself again. let me know
Author kaygato Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 Agreed If you ever need sombody to just vent too sombody to listen to sombody to relate there own problems to you to let you know you are not alone let me know couse i would happily take the same help back no strings attached just needing to feel good about myself again. let me know Sure, I'd be happy for the mutual support. I'll look for your posts around the forums. You're not alone, though. Do you have people in real life to talk to? I'm trying to get better at that. It's probably easier for me then you, though, since I'm in college now and surrounded by people my age all the time. I just know I really need to push myself to get out of my comfort zone, and I intend to do that.
sirweasles Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I dont acctually I dont have the slightest clue on how to meet people or make friends lol.
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