Phantom-of_the-opera Posted March 14, 2004 Posted March 14, 2004 Hello : I am so excited to be on this site ! I was simply browsing and saw this site and I am impressed the internet has such a site for free. This is beautiful, I think I will enjoy reading and emailing you all. I have a question, can you answer it for me? LET'S SEE, TELL ME IF A RELATIONSHIP IS GOING DOWN HILL BECAUSE THE HONEYMOON PHASE IS OVER, AND YOU STILL SEE SPARKS, HOW DO YOU KEEP YOUR COOL? WHAT CAN YOU DO TO GRAB HIS INTREST AGAIN. Mind you, I don't want to know things like: Dress provokative or seduce him. I respect him. I love him. We have a healthy sex drive and tricks are not needed. My concern is I have come on too strong, too much nagging, too much complaining and with his pressures and his helping me with some of my work related pressures, I think he is overwhelmed. I belive I may have put him in a positin where he needs his space but is to much of gentleman to ask for it. I am losing him. So help me rope his heart back in. How do I give him just enough space and just enough of a challenge not to look desperate nor evasive. I want to show him how much he needs me without letting him know, "I am pulling away because your not doing the things I need you to and this is my last tactic to get what I want from you." I also want to show him how much he needs me without saying, "You are my world and if I lose you I will simply fall apart. Your the glue that keeps me together". : O Now, ladies, gentlemen, please advice me. How do I win his heart back without appearing I was trying? I know he is pulling away from me. I know he is growing sick of me and my nagging. So help me people. Help me correct my errors and win his heart again without all the tricks of sex and dressing up. Without the pay off with flowers and candy. All that has been done by me and more. I want to stop the desperate act and show him how I need him without overwelming him with the words. Can you help me? If you can I am awfully grateful because I am in trouble and about to lose a good man. [color=violet][/color]
moimeme Posted March 14, 2004 Posted March 14, 2004 Clearly, the first thing you do is stop nagging. Nothing else will work if you can't shut that down. Then, be sure to be kind to him. Be good to him. Avoid doing things you know bug him. He'll notice the lack of annoyance and be glad.
swtbonita Posted March 14, 2004 Posted March 14, 2004 You don't want to show him with words or actions so how are you going to show him if you are not flexible to do anything.. personally maybe if you stopped the nagging and started to be more confident and enjoy your relationship.. you won't have this problem..
Author Phantom-of_the-opera Posted March 14, 2004 Author Posted March 14, 2004 I was not always a nag. I just get sick of the fact he will not listen to me and follow through. For example, I bought him an automatic starter for Christmas. The most expensive gift I have given a man. He to this day has not installed it and I paid for installation. He always has an excuse. I got so frustrated I gave him the reciept yesterday and said I can't waste money you take it. I mean he is cute , I appologized for always nagging and he said, "All women nag" but it was the way he said it that made me see he was excusing me. I just know that he is sick of it. He never says so, but I know he is. I want to stop, but he really irks me with more things on the order of what I told you. Another example is a CD I made him. The first CD I ever burned with songs expressing my feelings for him. He still has not listened to it and it was given to him for the New Year. God he is just......yet I love him.....yet I am losing him. I am losing him. I feel it in my gut. He is pulling away and becomming more and more unavailiable. He is always so busy and hardly has time for us any longer. I know that I am his heart, but I know he no longer sees me as his love. I may be in his heart but not as his love. How can I just correct this without him knowing that is what I did? Or if the answer is pull away, how can I give him his space without him thinking it is he who pulled away and I accepted it and now we are apart. Uggggghhhhh I think that made no sense. My point is, God he is really a pain. I complain because he is so LAZY!!!! But I love my lazy man and don't want him to think I don't. BUT WITH MEN YOU CAN CRY I LOVE YOU TO THE COWS COME HOME AND THEY WILL ONLY HEAR, " I want something from you. I want to control your life."
jenny Posted March 14, 2004 Posted March 14, 2004 we have a new member, newcommer - she has a story and style very similar to your own, i'm betting she will be able to help or at least empathize. it looks like you guys are the same age, as well.
Author Phantom-of_the-opera Posted March 14, 2004 Author Posted March 14, 2004 Originally posted by moimeme You don't want to show him with words or actions so how are you going to show him if you are not flexible to do anything.. Now, I am not saying I don't want to. I am saying our love life is comfortable for us both and healthy. He and I have an open communication. He does not need me to get fancy and I don't agree with some tacktics my friends all insist I do. He is a gentleman. We don't believe in games and we both are truly okay without the props. The words I have said, but at some point I think words are meaningless and the man filters out all the good stuff and looks for the negative. He will harp on the negative and never once remember or care about the positive. So since I tried all there is to try I need advice on how to save us by giving him his space, but somehow doing it in a way that he will miss me. Because ladies he is taking his space without asking. He is isolating me but with a smile on his face. I know i am inches away from the big, "Let's be friends". So how can I win his heart back without him seeing me as doing a desperate last minute act. A change of sexual behavior will be a red flag. A bunch of words out my mouth may wind up nagging. I need a new tactic that will have him chase after me as opposed to me chase after him. Can you help me save us?
Author Phantom-of_the-opera Posted March 14, 2004 Author Posted March 14, 2004 Sorry, there are two of youy writing but I somehow got you mixed up. It was posted by swtbonita. I am dead tired. I had two parties to attend today. My girlfriends and my baby brothers birthday. Yesterday I had to attend a funneral. I guess I am writting too fast and not thinking. So your from British Columbia. If you don't mind me askin where is that and how do you like it. I would love to move. I am in Jacksonville Forida. I was just thinking it would be nice to move and start all over with my life.
Author Phantom-of_the-opera Posted March 14, 2004 Author Posted March 14, 2004 Good night gals or good morning, I am logging off. Perhaps we can continue this tommorrow. I know there is an answer. I know because I was lead to this site and I can see so many people have similiar issues, just not one where you know you can save the relationship but your not sure how. Not one where they are admitting it's all the naggin and pushing they do that cause the problem. My Paul is good to me, he just is lazy. I guess I started nagging because I thought I had some power in the relationship. I guess I realize I don't and if I don't stop pushing him I will lose him. I just want to rope him into chasing me again. I think somehow no matter how good I tell him he is, he does not think he is good enough to be what I need.
moimeme Posted March 14, 2004 Posted March 14, 2004 So your from British Columbia. If you don't mind me askin where is that http://www.atlas.gc.ca/images/english/facts/quick_maps/ready_maps/canada_eng.jpg Far left.
Author Phantom-of_the-opera Posted March 14, 2004 Author Posted March 14, 2004 Oh wow, your canadian. So how is the weather out there. Is the ground covered in snow? Wow, what a big jump Florida weather and Canadian weather. I don't think I could handle Canada's winters. I been to Canada many times, Montreal Quebec and Toronto, and heard their winter horror stories. I simply shuddered just hearing them in the blazing heat. My goodness that is something, I want to move, but I know I could not do what you do. That takes a lot of will power to fight that cold. Your cool, good nite gals
moimeme Posted March 14, 2004 Posted March 14, 2004 Well, actually, the part of British Columbia that I live in is a little bit below Washington State and gets very little snow or cold - maybe one week a year. Our cherry and plum trees have been covered in blossoms for over a month and the daffodils were out weeks ago. I grew up in a cold part of Canada. At least when it's cold, you can put more clothes on. When it gets too hot, you run out of stuff to take off
ldybg51 Posted March 14, 2004 Posted March 14, 2004 You are scared that if you pull away a little then he will think it was meant to be and end it all together??? I think you should pull away a little. I am actually not sure if pull away is the right words, but I think you should give him more space. Not quit acting like you love him but go and do your own things. Let him do his. Do you guys live together? I do agree with everyone else though. You have to quit nagging. You can try to correct his errs by showing him rather than telling him. It seems as if he may be doing these things subconciously. As if he want to annoy you because you annoy him. Probably doesnt even realize it. I read a book once. Basically it was about how to keep your man happy. It said that men generally want just a few things. A woman who really understands them, someone who will just let them be them, a woman who knows what she wants may depend a little on him and let him take care of her but also a woman who takes care of them. And SEX of course. This is a general overview but i think it is the gist of what will keep most men happy. Maybe you should just try being your own woman for awhile, having a life while also keeping him pleased and fed and whatever at night when you guys are home. I dont know, It sounds kind of chauvenistic but it may work to reel him back in. Then you have to just be somone who he can talk to, love and provide for. imho anyway
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