HeartOnSleeve Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I've clearly got this dating thing all wrong. I've met some really cools guys latley and everything seems to be going well and then all the sudden they pull back or drop off the face of the earth. Example: Met a really cool guy through a friend, we had been texting/ talking and have been out twice. He's the one that would typically initiate everything. This guy also, kept saying how great it was that we met and how he's been looking for a girl like me..blah blah blah. I usually just play it cool, as I told the last guy I was into how i felt and he freaked. So with this one I thought I would just do the "yeah, great...fun whatever". Well for the past two days he's practically blown me off and I even saw him yesterday for a breif minute. I refuse to make things seem weird so I just say hi and act bubbly for a sec and head off. End result was he texted me late last night (no we haven't had sex), and said something in response to a post I made on FB. Then asked what I was doing up...blah blah we went back and forth for a bit. Then I responded to a text I missed last night this morning and we again went back and forth. Then he said "you like texting" I said "not really ..hahah" and then he said " really? you seem to text fast and quite a bit" . I was a bit baffled by this question/judgement as he started our communication by texting me and then would text me all day a bunch last week. Should I call him? What am I to do with this? He confuses me and I really like him (more than the other guys), but have a few similar interesting guys in the mix at the moment too. I learned not to put all my eggs in one basket, but feel as though it's the same story everytime. Sorry for the saga!
creighton0123 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Oh honey, he's playing games with you and you're showing him all your cards. Either find someone who's not going to play games (either date a little older or hold out and continue to see game players until you're older and the guys have grown up a bit). Don't chase. You're better than that. If he's going to play games, make it so he can't. If he calls, pick up, tell him you can't talk and that you'll call him back. Dating is two-sided. No one person should be pursuing.
waynebrady Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Oh honey, he's playing games with you and you're showing him all your cards. Either find someone who's not going to play games (either date a little older or hold out and continue to see game players until you're older and the guys have grown up a bit). Don't chase. You're better than that. If he's going to play games, make it so he can't. If he calls, pick up, tell him you can't talk and that you'll call him back. Dating is two-sided. No one person should be pursuing. The amount of double standards women have when it comes to this never ceases to amaze me. If the roles where reveresed you would never say that. The man usually has to do all the pursuing, put in all the effort, take all the initiatives. And I have never seen any women object to that, infact they encourage it and think that's how it's supposed to be. But in the few extremley rare situations where the woman has to take initatives and even just do some pursuing, all the women goes "dating is two-sided" "you should not have to pursue"... dating is two-sided huh? what a load of bull****, dating is one sided in YOUR favor as a woman and always has been.
fishtaco Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 The amount of double standards women have when it comes to this never ceases to amaze me. If the roles where reveresed you would never say that. Well, I'm not sure if creighton0123 is a woman. I have definitely seen/experienced the double standard. One of my favorite example-person is this party girl I used to hang with, she spouts out gems all the time. Last time we went out for sushi swapped dating stories. She's a multi dater just like me. And she told me after the third date, I'm supposed to tell the woman I'm not serious with her, as opposed to just keep casually dating. So I asked her, so is this what you do with the men you're dating? Spill the beans after 3rd date. She had that deer caught in headlight look, and then mumbled something about she hasn't gone on a 3rd date with anyone yet. Hilarious. Anyway, I don't think that's the case here. I also believe in 50-50. As a man, I'll take a step, but then the ball is in her court to respond. If she doesn't, well then you have to start questioning her intentions. So I would give the same advice to women, especially if they've taken the initiative. No one should chase. Chasing takes a lot of energy, and opens yourself up to being played. Both men and women, should spend enough energy to "find out" as opposed to chase, and nothing more. Put out a small bet, hence the ball is in the other person's court, and see what happens.
waynebrady Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Well, I'm not sure if creighton0123 is a woman. I have definitely seen/experienced the double standard. One of my favorite example-person is this party girl I used to hang with, she spouts out gems all the time. Last time we went out for sushi swapped dating stories. She's a multi dater just like me. And she told me after the third date, I'm supposed to tell the woman I'm not serious with her, as opposed to just keep casually dating. So I asked her, so is this what you do with the men you're dating? Spill the beans after 3rd date. She had that deer caught in headlight look, and then mumbled something about she hasn't gone on a 3rd date with anyone yet. Hilarious. Anyway, I don't think that's the case here. I also believe in 50-50. As a man, I'll take a step, but then the ball is in her court to respond. If she doesn't, well then you have to start questioning her intentions. So I would give the same advice to women, especially if they've taken the initiative. No one should chase. Chasing takes a lot of energy, and opens yourself up to being played. Both men and women, should spend enough energy to "find out" as opposed to chase, and nothing more. Put out a small bet, hence the ball is in the other person's court, and see what happens. Yeah youre right, just checked his profile... my fault. But it's still true though, alot of women don't have any problem when the roles are reveresd and the man has to do all the chasing(which is like the case in 99,9% of all relationships)... i agree with what you say.
ZM1969 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I've clearly got this dating thing all wrong. I've met some really cools guys latley and everything seems to be going well and then all the sudden they pull back or drop off the face of the earth. Example: Met a really cool guy through a friend, we had been texting/ talking and have been out twice. He's the one that would typically initiate everything. This guy also, kept saying how great it was that we met and how he's been looking for a girl like me..blah blah blah. I usually just play it cool, as I told the last guy I was into how i felt and he freaked. So with this one I thought I would just do the "yeah, great...fun whatever". Well for the past two days he's practically blown me off and I even saw him yesterday for a breif minute. I refuse to make things seem weird so I just say hi and act bubbly for a sec and head off. End result was he texted me late last night (no we haven't had sex), and said something in response to a post I made on FB. Then asked what I was doing up...blah blah we went back and forth for a bit. Then I responded to a text I missed last night this morning and we again went back and forth. Then he said "you like texting" I said "not really ..hahah" and then he said " really? you seem to text fast and quite a bit" . I was a bit baffled by this question/judgement as he started our communication by texting me and then would text me all day a bunch last week. Should I call him? What am I to do with this? He confuses me and I really like him (more than the other guys), but have a few similar interesting guys in the mix at the moment too. I learned not to put all my eggs in one basket, but feel as though it's the same story everytime. Sorry for the saga! That's why you like him - because he confuses you. Because he isn't falling head over heels with you and is acting both intererested at times, and aloof at others. He is a challenge - women like men who are a challenge.
youngskywalker Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I've had the games played to me and I've played them to others. It's life. OP the only thing I can say is it doesn't seem like you've done anything wrong. What I would suggest is lay off the texting. I've ruined potential relationships that got caught up in a whirlwind of texting. It builds false expectations. I say you back off a day or two... don't initiate contact. Then call him up, tell him you enjoyed the time you spent with him and would like to go out with him again (if you haven't let him know already). The ball is then in his court. After that make HIM chase YOU. You're the prize so treat yourself that way. If you've done this already then I suggest you move on to your other options. When a guy is into you he will chase. I recently chased a girl but unfortunately she wasn't interested. Eventually I got the point and moved on. But one thing is for sure, we don't let women go who we think are awesome and serious about, without making complete a**es of ourselves. At least not me. I put my chips in on a girl who I like. Always have, and always will my dear.
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