Ashamed of myself!

[LK30]

Hi all,

 

I recently split with a girl I was dating for a couple of months (my decision) and since then it has made me think about the previous girl a lot (who I split with a year ago). Perhaps it's a coincidence as I'm single again, but I think the most recent girl 'masked' some of the pain from the original girl, although it's not why I dated the most recent girl and we split as I didn't find any physical attraction towards her.

 

I'm ashamed of myself because I worked so hard at 'no contact' after I split with the original girl in Jan 10. I haven't rang, text or gone past her house (I avoided that natural route home but was tempted to divert!) since we split and pleased with myself. However... out of sheer coincidence I drove down the high street a couple of weeks back and her car was outside a house I didn't recognise. It could be a friend's house, or even her own as perhaps she's moved, but my mind stupidly started assuming it might be a new boyfriend's house as I've now seen her car parked outside a few times. Again, it's a natural route home so I have been trying to avoid it now as it doesn't prove anything. Then I found myself looking at a dating site I was originally signed up to and I saw her profile on there (hadn't seen it before) and it said she'd logged in within the last month. So perhaps she's still single after all.

 

Part of me is still really not able to get over this relationship and I do miss her. I keep hearing her name (not personally, just the name) and it's like fate is saying get in contact. She's stubborn and not contacted me since we split so I know there's no point trying and deep down I know it didn't work out the first time. I know I should keep away from her profiles, and stop thinking about her as it's been a year but I can't.

 

Perhaps the reality is I just never came to terms with it all (not through want of trying) and I am back to square 1 despite progress at moving on .

Edited December 14, 2010 by LK30

[sid980]

It's not really back at square one though. You have made new memories and had new experiences in the past year. I know it is hard when you randomly see her car around somewhere and even worse when you see it at a new house repeatedly... but it's not your business anymore. Yeah that may suck to hear but it's the truth.

 

If you do slip back some mentally, just refocus. This is a new break up and it's not surprising it brings back feelings of the past. If you have to deal with past demons, do it. When you start missing her, remind yourself why it didn't work the first time. I found out that while I do miss the companionship, I don't really miss her.

[LK30]

Well after almost a year of being single I found the temptation too much and contacted the ex. I thought I couldn't lose - if she didn't reply then she wouldn't anyway if I had gone NC, and I stupidly believed she might still miss me! How wrong was I?! She e-mailed me back today when I said 'hey how's you? how's work?' and she replied with just 'what do you want?' I'd call that someone who probably doesn't miss me too much! I thought after a year she might be a little friendlier as we were good mates.

 

Oh well, think I had the temptation because I've heard a few people talk about getting back with the ex, and if I'm totally honest I probably haven't really come to terms with the separation. Probably didn't help that I saw her profile on a dating site recently and she's been online this week so I assume she's single.

 

Luckily I'm pleased as I don't feel that bad anymore coz it's reinforced why it was good to split up and perhaps if she is single it shows she ain't finding things too easy meeting someone with her cold personality!!

 

I won't be replying, but we're only human and I do miss her a bit. However I'm sure I only miss the person I think I hoped she be, and the fact my brain is been in the routine of missing her for so long that it's almost automatic! So perhaps breaking NC can help a little if it helps you get some closure?

Edited December 17, 2010 by LK30

[dng]

Bro, if my ex contacted me 6 months from now with a 4 words email, I dont think she'd even get a "what do you want?".

 

She'd get a silence sandwich.

[LK30]

Cheers dng!

 

Yo're right - I was lucky ot get a reply, but in all honesty I don't think she had any intention of being friendly, and luckily I have held back from replying as I am almost enjoying the thought of not being told where to go!

 

I think it's just brought it all back as I know she's single so I sort of see it as an 'opportunity' and I kind of hoped that a year later she might start to miss me as it's easy to remember the good times and miss your ex when you're single (bit like what I'm doing now!).

 

I'd never make a detective because having seen her car parked regularly outside a house I don't recognise on a regular basis I really believed she had met someone, but then to see her on a dating site I'm guessing proves she can't be in a relationship as I'm sure she would'nt be looking for blokes right now!!

 

Oh dear