SlawKing Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Ok it's not that serious, but it's been a few months and I still don't have my stuff back from her. She's got quite a few of my video games and video game peripherals. She's also got all of my Blu-rays and a ton of other stuff. Just some background, she dumped me a few months ago and the breakup was rather messy. She started dating someone just two days after we got drunk and slept together again. It gave me hope for reconciliation and then crushed it in an instant. I didn't take it very well and the last conversation we had was an argument. Since that time one of my friends has been attempting to contact her in order to exchange the rest of her stuff for the rest of mine. Toward the beginning she said that she didn't have the time to get the stuff together and she would get everything set up for the exchange soon. The last time she said that was about a month and a half ago. Today I'm considering breaking no contact and sending her a text myself asking for my stuff back. I've got it formulated in my draft folder already. "Hey <name>. I understand if you don't want to hear from me, but I'd really like to get my stuff back soon. Please get back to me about it." What I'm asking is if this is the right approach, or should I be doing something else to get my stuff back without breaking no contact?
PegNosePete Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 You should be even more straightforward than your text. It's too open-ended, it's just inviting her to procrastinate, "soon" could be any time frame she chooses. I would go with, "I need my stuff back how is Saturday 2pm?" (insert day/time that you're free and she is likely to be free too)
Author SlawKing Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 You should be even more straightforward than your text. It's too open-ended, it's just inviting her to procrastinate, "soon" could be any time frame she chooses. I would go with, "I need my stuff back how is Saturday 2pm?" (insert day/time that you're free and she is likely to be free too) I'd do that if I had any idea of her schedule anymore and I'm sure she'd just take it as a demand and she just wouldn't respond. She's stubborn and she hates to be told what to do. Honestly if she doesn't respond to this one within a week my next text will say that I don't want to get the authorities involved, but I will if she continues to ignore my requests.
Author SlawKing Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Oh and I forgot to mention that a year and a half ago we got a dog together and she hasn't let me see him at all for a couple months now. She acts like I have no right to see him even though I was basically the one who raised him alone while she worked two jobs and went to school. And, no, she didn't have to work two jobs while in school to support herself or us (I supported myself just fine) she just wanted to so she'd have extra money to spend on concerts and stuff she didn't need. The main reason we broke up is because we grew apart due to the fact that she was never home and the time she was home was spent upset and exhausted from the rest of her schedule.
carhill Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Call her. Propose a specific time and place. Be assertive. Don't take no for an answer. Being pleasant and non-specific can work against you. That's doormat behavior. BTDT, learned a lot. TBH, IMO, sanity is more important than stuff and I gave away a lot of stuff to exW when I divorced. Happy to do it, even my childhood bed and the cat I helped to birth her kittens before we were married. Good riddance.
Woggle Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Tell her to give you your stuff back and then you can both move on with your lives.
Melrapuo Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Kiss that **** goodbye, to be honest. My ex had a few items of mine, and gave back most of it. But there were still a few items (one of them worth around $100) that I asked for repeatedly. She said she would give it back to me, but never did. I don't know if it was cuz she lost it, didn't care, or was using it as a way to keep me around in her life a little longer. Either way, I just let it go after a couple months. I'd rather lose the items than lose my sanity waiting.
Nightsky Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Why not just get all her stuff together and drive it over to her. Then you can just grab all of your stuff and get it over with.
Author SlawKing Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 She actually responded to my text suggesting Sunday, so I should be able to pick up my stuff this weekend. Anyone have any suggestions on how to act seeing her for the first time in months? Obviously I shouldn't let it show that I've still got some feelings for her, but I also shouldn't go out of my way to prove that I've moved on either. Any tips would be appreciated.
PegNosePete Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Excellent, great news! My biggest tip would be to not be alone with her. Take a friend along. That will totally prevent you from having any conversations, even if you get tempted. Just keep the communication down to the subject at hand. Say hello, get your stuff and say goodbye. If she tries to drag you into a conversation, say you have to be somewhere (or your friend has to be somewhere) and you can't stay to chat. Think of somewhere you have to be in advance so you're not put on the spot. My second tip is to prepare yourself for an emotional rollercoaster. If you still have feelings for her then you will be ripped apart afterwards. Seeing your ex for the first time can have a really devastating effect, even if you think you can handle it, it's 10x worse than you think. Arrange to do something afterwards, buy your friend pizza or some beers to thank him, do something to take your mind off it.
Author SlawKing Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 (edited) Luckily my friend has band practice on Sunday and we usually all hang out afterwords and party, so I'll be able to tell her that I need to get going if I'm going to make it to practice. That might also make her a bit jealous because one of the reasons we became so distant towards the end is she assumed I wouldn't like the concerts she went to because loud music would give me a migraine. She never gave me a shot to prove that I could handle it and that was really presumptuous. Even if I did get a migraine I would have suffered through it in silence because of how much I loved her and just wanted to spend time with her. Ok, obviously I'm not completely over her yet and holding my tongue is going to be really difficult, but I hope I can manage. I honestly don't think I could take her back even if she wanted to anyway. She ended it without even discussing it. She never gave us a chance to reconcile. Also, I've improved so much since we split that I would never want to risk going back to who I was. I've lost 39 pounds (down to 211 now), been working out every day, and have been eating healthier. I know I miss her so much, but it isn't really "her" that I miss. I miss the woman who loved me, and she doesn't exist anymore. Wow that message was longer than I thought it would be. I guess I just needed to vent. Edit: Also, I'd like to do this alone just because I want to see where she stands towards me. If I brought a friend she'd act all nice just to avoid looking like a jerk in front of other people, but if she still hates me I'd like to be able to tell. I honestly wouldn't mind being friends with her just so I could see my dog once in a while. I know it would hurt to see her with this new guy, but missing my dog has been the main reason I've been so depressed over the past few months and I just want to be a part of his life again. Edited December 15, 2010 by SlawKing
tobydog Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Wish my stbx would want to see his dogs, even his child would be good! Be assertive and get your stuff back, also ask if you can have/ see the dog regularly. You are entitled if you bought him/her together. Do take someone with you or all I can see is another argument. Take care Dx
Woggle Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Keep it very business like even if that is not how you really feel.
Author SlawKing Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 I just had the most annoying text conversation with her last night. I texted her to ask where we were going to meet and she responded, "Oh, I was just gonna drop your stuff in the car and get my s***." Ok. In my head I'm thinking, no f***ing s*** moron I still need to know where to bring my car. But I hold my tongue and respond, "I figured. So your place then?" She just responds, "No." I then respond, "Ok, where then?" After that she didn't respond at all. I'm really disappointed in her for how immature she's been about everything during this breakup.
Author SlawKing Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 Threaten to take her to small claims court. I'll text again Sunday to find out where to meet and if she doesn't respond I'm going to tell her that I'll get the authorities involved if she doesn't start being more cooperative.
Author SlawKing Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 Ugh. I'm having such a bad day. Had a dream that we met at a friends party and she told me he dumped her. We started talking and I was consoling her. We started really getting along again like we had at the beginning. I really hate dreaming sometimes.
Recommended Posts