mmiller5373 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 We were together for about 2 years, but toward the one year mark, things just weren't the same. A few weeks before the two year anniversay, I told her I wanted out because I felt like I was putting in more work than she was. It was like she cared about me, but didn't care enough, ya know? We both thought it was best to see other people... When the 2 year anniversary came up, she strangely wanted to hang out. We did, but it was awkward. This was in March 2010. I still had feelings for her, but she just wanted to remain friends and that upset me a lot. That I was trying to work things out and she didn't want to. I ended up getting angry and told her some things about how she's selfish and blah blah blah... We both cut off contact and started seeing other people in March and April. Nothing serious. I ended up realizing that I still loved my ex, so I got back into contact with her at the end of April. She wanted no part of it. Pretty much ignored me and told me to move on. I was heart broken and tried to get her back for a few weeks, but failed. During that time, she was telling my grandmother behind my back that she loved me and wanted things to work out, so it was weird for her to tell me the complete opposite. Then the ex randomly shows up at my college graduation and party one night in May. I'm still in love with her, so I try to kiss her that night, but she pushes away. A few weeks later I decide that I'm going to move about 4 hours away. She finds out about it and begs me to stay. I tell her I have to move. We end up getting back together and things are great for about 2 weeks, then she gets on my computer in June 2010 and my FB is logged in... she reads my messages and finds out about some "stuff" that happened between me and another girl while we were broken up in April. She gets upset about it and pretty much says it's over with me now. A week goes by and I get some messages from her saying she still wants it to work, but that she needs time. I tell her I'm tired of her not knowing what she wants anymore. She tells me she loves me and we're back together at the end of June. I move away on July 1st. Things are great and perfect, even though it's tough for me to go back and see her. August 1st, we go away with my family for the weekend. We're totally in love again, no fighting, just a romance that was like the first year together. When I leave, she begs me to stay with her for another day. Of course, I can't, so I drive to my house about 4 hours away. My family discusses some concerns about my ex to me... they think she is too quiet and hasn't tried hard enough to be friendly toward them. This part is true. My ex pretty much didn't say a word to my mother. She stayed downstairs the entire trip... kind of anti-social. So I call my ex and tell her she needs to try harder... blah blah blah... and it turns into a fight. I sense a distance between us over the next few weeks. She pretty much stopped calling me, yet I saw her FB updates saying that she was happy and that she was going out a lot. I thought giving her her space was the best thing. Then August 24th, she sends me a text breaking up with me. I spent September and October trying to get her back, calling her way too much and showing up at her house to see her two times. That ended badly, with her pretty much saying she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I sensed there was another guy and I asked her if there was someone else, but she said no, up until the last time I talked with her October. From that point on she ignored every contact I made with her. Even changed her number. I recently found out through FB (we're not friends on there anymore, I found out through a mutal friend) that she uploaded some romantic kissing pictures of her and another guy in Mid-September, just 2 weeks after she broke up with me. Apparently, this was the same guy she was "seeing" when we were broken up in April. But for her to upload romantic pictures of them, that means it's pretty serious to her. We didn't even have pictures like that. Seems to me like she had this guy on the sideline the entire time... Or maybe I was on the sideline?... I honestly don't know what to think, but I've had nothing but obsessive thoughts on this thing for months.
Capital P Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 You can drag this out for a month or a year but this is doomed. There is no way to repair it, its too broken You need to take her off your facebook. Get out of this for 6 months completely and concentrate on getting yourself together You arent in any emotional state to be getting in a relationship with this girl, again.
Leandro Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 yea, listen to CP. And please don't waste your time on this girl.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 So basically what you are saying is that I need to get my act together and contact her again in six months? Or just forget her and move on?
Banega100 Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 he means forget her and move on. Sorry mate this is 100% a lost cause. You'll come back stronger though, so look forward to that
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 he means forget her and move on. Sorry mate this is 100% a lost cause. You'll come back stronger though, so look forward to that What reasoning do you all have for saying it's a 100% lost cause? I just feel so used, especially during the last few months we were together.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 17, 2010 Author Posted December 17, 2010 You can drag this out for a month or a year but this is doomed. There is no way to repair it, its too broken You need to take her off your facebook. Get out of this for 6 months completely and concentrate on getting yourself together You arent in any emotional state to be getting in a relationship with this girl, again. I'm just curious as to why you say it's doomed?
poorguy Posted December 17, 2010 Posted December 17, 2010 All their saying is that this relationship died a slow twisted death. It may seem like a unique situation to you because you're living it, but it's really not. That's the way things go sometimes during a breakup, one day things are good, another day things are bad, another day your dating other people, then back together, then everythings weird blah blah. Best thing you can do is go NC for, I agree a good 6 months and see what happens. No talking texting, emailing, meeting up nothing
PuertoRican Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 Man, glad to see I'm not the only one going through a hard time but it seems to me that you have done EVERYTHING possible to try and be with this girl and it doesn't seem to be working regardless. How old are you? I saw you said you just graduated college....things still have time to shape up but I don't want to give you false hope...I think you guys have already ran this relationship for what is was worth.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 All their saying is that this relationship died a slow twisted death. It may seem like a unique situation to you because you're living it, but it's really not. That's the way things go sometimes during a breakup, one day things are good, another day things are bad, another day your dating other people, then back together, then everythings weird blah blah. Best thing you can do is go NC for, I agree a good 6 months and see what happens. No talking texting, emailing, meeting up nothing Yeah, we had our ups and downs throughout the past year or so. I remember two specific times that she seemed really upset about things; she basically cried her heart out and it tore me to pieces. I will never forget those tears. The first was when she found out about the "stuff" I did with another girl while I was broken up. She cried so badly that she basically created a scene and I had to get out of there. She told me she had just talked with her Dad a few days before about how good our relationship was and where it was headed. The second time was a few weeks later when I began to realize that she was stringing me along. She cancelled plans with me and I told her I was done with her BS and didn't want to see her anymore, and within minutes she shows up at my house crying. It's just so weird how bad things can truly get. I wouldn't have ever expected things to end this way between us. But trust me, I won't be contacting her again.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 Man, glad to see I'm not the only one going through a hard time but it seems to me that you have done EVERYTHING possible to try and be with this girl and it doesn't seem to be working regardless. How old are you? I saw you said you just graduated college....things still have time to shape up but I don't want to give you false hope...I think you guys have already ran this relationship for what is was worth. I did do everything... and then some. I'm 24 years old btw... she is 22. I honestly don't see anyway this relationship could work. If so, it would be years down the road. I wouldn't be able to trust her again though, so it really is a lost cause. Her family (who seriously use to love me) hates me now. Sometimes I just feel like I want to sit her down and pick her mind; like why she did what she did.
kaygato Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 No offense to your ex, but she sounds like a psycho. Honestly, I wouldn't bother with her after all she's put you through. A year or so of breaking up and getting back together multiple times isn't really a healthy relationship. You seemed to really have tried to make things work, but obviously she didn't. Go find someone who deserves you.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 No offense to your ex, but she sounds like a psycho. Honestly, I wouldn't bother with her after all she's put you through. A year or so of breaking up and getting back together multiple times isn't really a healthy relationship. You seemed to really have tried to make things work, but obviously she didn't. Go find someone who deserves you. I'm not going to bother with her anymore. It's tough to cope and move on, but I know I deserve someone who is a bit more level-headed like myself. I honestly think this relationship was doomed from the start. She's Hispanic and I'm a white male. She never really knew if she was going to stay here in the States or go back home to Mexico. She always had this uncertainty about her. Was never sure what she wanted out of life. After finding out all of this stuff about her, it's like I was dating two people. The sweet innocent virgin who's ready to marry and the selfish club hopper who lies to her boyfriend.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 19, 2010 Author Posted December 19, 2010 Was wondering if anyone thought this was a case of GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome)? It shows all of the signs. - While things weren't perfect between us, she did still talk about her future with me, like we would be together forever. Even talked about it with her family a few times a month before she broke up with me. - She just couldn't really put her thumb on the reason behind the breakup. Just said it's over... - Tells me she wants to be friends and that maybe it could work in a year. - Starts hanging around new people and friends that she was never really fond of. Seems like she's going out clubbing and drinking a lot, which was something she didn't like to do while we were together. - 3 weeks after the breakup, she's in a relationship with a guy who is the complete opposite of me. He looks like a womanizer too. - She seems happy, or so she tells her friends. - Even though she lives with her family, she still hasn't told them about this new guy that she's been with since the breakup. She's even lied about him to them.
reknown29 Posted December 20, 2010 Posted December 20, 2010 I had a similar situation: -she talked about our future like it would last forever -she couldnt really put her thumb on why she was breaking up -she said maybe it could work in a year -she started going out clubbing which she hated when I was with her -shes in a relationship with another guy. except this guy is similar to me in ways. -she tells me how much happier she is now. -she lies I absolutely LOVED this girl and would have stuck with her through anything. The problem is that I put her on too high of a pedestal and was basically the passive one in the relationship. I put her needs before my own. I'm now finding that this was a HUGE mistake and that only causes women to want to run when you neglect yourself to appease them. Maybe you were similar in your realtionship. It is now time to look at yourself and ask yourself why you dated this girl and why you are pining over her. She's a liar, she dumped you for no reason, she was dishonest about who she is, and she is with another guy. She leads you on to make herself feel better. She is extremely selfish. She isnt thinking of you. move on. We both should move on.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 20, 2010 Author Posted December 20, 2010 I had a similar situation: -she talked about our future like it would last forever -she couldnt really put her thumb on why she was breaking up -she said maybe it could work in a year -she started going out clubbing which she hated when I was with her -shes in a relationship with another guy. except this guy is similar to me in ways. -she tells me how much happier she is now. -she lies I absolutely LOVED this girl and would have stuck with her through anything. The problem is that I put her on too high of a pedestal and was basically the passive one in the relationship. I put her needs before my own. I'm now finding that this was a HUGE mistake and that only causes women to want to run when you neglect yourself to appease them. Maybe you were similar in your realtionship. It is now time to look at yourself and ask yourself why you dated this girl and why you are pining over her. I think I did the same thing. I neglected myself to please her. I gained weight over the course of our relationship and basically focused on how to make her happy instead of myself. She's a liar, she dumped you for no reason, she was dishonest about who she is, and she is with another guy. She leads you on to make herself feel better. She is extremely selfish. She isnt thinking of you. move on. It's funny, her brother-in-law said this exact thing to me.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 22, 2010 Author Posted December 22, 2010 Her birthday is today. Kinda a weird day for me. It's been tough to not think about her considering I had a dream about her last night too. I feel like sometimes I have days where I'm ready to move forward and other days when I'm stuck in the past. Maybe I would have healed sooner if I quit contacting her? I called nonstop in September. September was the last time I got a response. Then I went NC for 3 weeks, still thinking I could get her back, after reading one of those how to get your ex back articles. In mid October I contacted her a few times, never got a response. Heard from her bro in law she wants to move on and she's freaked out by me. Then in late November I showed up at her work and handed her a letter telling her that I love her and miss her; that I know about the other guy and it doesn't bother me. She told me to leave. Guess all that behavior scared her and prolonged my moving on process.
strangeways Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I feel like sometimes I have days where I'm ready to move forward and other days when I'm stuck in the past. Maybe I would have healed sooner if I quit contacting her? Guess all that behavior scared her and prolonged my moving on process. Yep, you would have moved on quicker. No point beating yourself up about it though. Lesson learnt. Sounds like you know what to do now. Total NC and forget about her. We all have days, even months after no contact, when we dwell on the past but those moments pass quicker and quicker.
Author mmiller5373 Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 Yep, you would have moved on quicker. No point beating yourself up about it though. Lesson learnt. Sounds like you know what to do now. Total NC and forget about her. We all have days, even months after no contact, when we dwell on the past but those moments pass quicker and quicker. Yeah, I was just in a wedding recently too. It's all just been really weird and tough to let go; but I won't and simply cannot contact her.
strangeways Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Yeah, I was just in a wedding recently too. It's all just been really weird and tough to let go; but I won't and simply cannot contact her. I can imagine being at a wedding was weird. You got it right. "can't" and "won't". These are your two watchwords now. Be strong.
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