Author ConflictedGuy27 Posted December 16, 2010 Author Posted December 16, 2010 thanks for the feedback, everyone. I decided to bring it up during the next dinner date -- there isn't one planned at the moment. I'll be using the ol' lead by example technique: "...we've been intimate a few times & things have been great. I like spending time with you, so I want you to feel safe & comfortable with me. It's no big deal, but I went ahead & ordered my annual health screening ahead of schedule. you're more than welcome to take a look if you like." Knowing her she'll reciprocate.
sweetjasmine Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Wanted to actually see my clean bill of health? I'd be a little offput. Then again, I don't sleep with people right away, and I expect anyone I'm that intimate with to be pretty happy with my word. I'd also be a little off-put, but for a slightly different reason. If we had already been having sex for a while, I would wonder why he felt the need to suddenly mention/ask about STDs and health and why he didn't ask before the first time we even slept together. Usually people who are concerned about that ask in the beginning.
creighton0123 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 "I get the fact that we all have a past, but is 18 guys by age 28 normal? ladies, would you be offput if a guy you were seeing (unexclusively) wanted to see a clean bill of health...?" Yeah. There's nothing atypical about 18 by the age of 28. The exact count is nothing to bother yourself over. When it comes to the clean bill of health aspect, you should listen to me a little bit. All of my past and present relationships have had discussions about sexual health (I'm a dude who likes dudes) and I've done volunteer work at sexual health clinics: To bring up the topic of sexual health if you two do get involved, it comes down to being honest and straightforward: Say something like "I am not implying anything and ask this of all my partners. I'd like to know when the last time you were tested for STD's or HIV and if you know your status." A good rule of thumb to follow is to get that out of the way. Even if she is on birth control, always (repeat: ALWAYS!!!!!!) wear latex condoms and use enough water based or silicon based lube. After you've built up enough trust in fidelity and monogamy in any relationship, both of you should discuss getting tested after dating monogamously for 3 months and share your results with one another. Remember, the door to sexual health and safer sex swings both ways and is nothing to be ashamed of or shy to raise. Best of luck :-)
creighton0123 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Wanted to actually see my clean bill of health? I'd be a little offput... For people engaging in casual sex, that might be par for the course, I guess. You may find yourself guessing wrong. That is not meant to be an insult. When it comes to STD's, particularly viral (HPV, HIV), at least 50% of people who are infected are unaware that they are infected. The numbers of unknown are suggested to be even higher for heterosexual men and women, particularly in urban areas. In the post-AIDS era, every person should practice safer sex. This means wearing condoms for every casual OR monogamous encounter involving penetrative sex for at least 3 months, both testing (together if comfortable) and exchanging results. I don't mean you should be afraid or create stigma around diseases, but being mature about sexual health is extremely important and can go a long way in ensuring mature discussions about monogamy and fidelity. After all, you can't know if a person has an STD, even a curable one, if they don't know themselves. Safer sex is better sex :-D
zengirl Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 You may find yourself guessing wrong. That is not meant to be an insult. When it comes to STD's, particularly viral (HPV, HIV), at least 50% of people who are infected are unaware that they are infected. The numbers of unknown are suggested to be even higher for heterosexual men and women, particularly in urban areas. In the post-AIDS era, every person should practice safer sex. This means wearing condoms for every casual OR monogamous encounter involving penetrative sex for at least 3 months, both testing (together if comfortable) and exchanging results. I don't mean you should be afraid or create stigma around diseases, but being mature about sexual health is extremely important and can go a long way in ensuring mature discussions about monogamy and fidelity. After all, you can't know if a person has an STD, even a curable one, if they don't know themselves. Safer sex is better sex :-D I understand that many people are unaware. That's why I do ask if my partners have been tested recently (since their last sexual partner) and if they're clean. If not, I'd certainly ask them to go get that checked out, but I'd never ask to SEE the results was my point. Their word is good enough for me. Anyone who I'm sleeping with has to have that trust -- it's no different than trusting they aren't out their acquiring new diseases by sleeping around. Is there still risk? Yes. But minimal, if you select quality partners.
carhill Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Back in the 90's when I was single, I'd just scan the lab results and e-mail them to the lady as a .pdf file. I figured, if we're going to share genital parts, sharing lab results relevant to that sharing was reasonable. Proactively providing verification to build trust with a heretofore stranger. Up to them what they wanted to do. Another aspect of compatibility
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 without getting into unecessary details, . uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, for you, those ARE the unnecessary details !! I know a great gal who hit 20 or 22 before she reached 25, and she has been monogamous and thrilled with a steady guy for years now.
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