Confusedalways Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I've been dating a guy exclusively for a couple months now.... everything is going great. We split the things we do together usually every other time, sometimes he'll pay twice in a row, sometimes I will, it kind of varies. Who pays when/how often etc is not my concern. Sometimes-- if I have to be in class or work late, I give him money to pick up a pizza or whatever so it's there when I get out. After refusing my offers, I leave the money and tell him to use it to pay. Reluctantly, he agrees. Usually, I only have 20's, so that's what I give him. I know these things do not cost $20. I even ask "was the 20 enough?" and he always says "yes," but I'm not given change. Granted- this only happened twice: once- where I imagine it was only 3-4 dollars, and again, where it was probably more like 9 or 10 dollars. I don't think he's doing it on purpose. I know in the grand scheme of things, eventually it will balance out and he'll pay more for something else etc. I don't want to ask because I don't want to make a big deal out of 15 bucks or so, but is this weird or is this normal? I guess I'm just curious if this is commonplace or abnormal- or if you think it's worth bringing up if it keeps happening. Obviously, I'm just going to start leaving him exactly what I think it'll cost I just hate to bring it because he's so generous, and pays for a lot too-- so I don't want something trivial like this to rock the boat unnecessarily.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 interesting. in all seriousness, is the bed play awesome? I've always sort of wondered why some girls are tolerant of such, while others arent. I'm assuming it's the action between the sheets.
Titania22 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Instead of saying "was the 20 enough?" you should just say "can I have the change?" I know that may sound unconfortable to you, but guys need us to be straight up. I suggest letting go of what has been and either leave exact money, or ask where's the change. If you just say, without getting any weird tone of voice, he will probably just hand it over, without a second thought. All solved, no confrontation, and you set a precedent that will pay off long term. Trust me when i say that a few dollars here and there don't matter much today, but if the relationship lasts it could one day be a few thousand dollars here and there. How we deal with small amounts of money mirrors how we deal with larger sums.
D-Lish Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I don't think it's a big deal in the grand scheme of things. If he wasn't generous himself, I'd start to question things- but you said yourself he seems to be, so I don't see it as a big deal.
musemaj11 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 To be honest its kind of unethical. If he took $5 to buy himself some chips or something, it would be okay. But more than that without your permission is too much.
zengirl Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Interesting. My boyfriend pays for a lot, so when I give him cash (he never has any usually, and I tend to carry it regularly), I expect him to just keep it all. It may never have occurred to your fella that you wanted the change back, since it comes out more than even in the end.
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Why don't you just say "hey was there any change left over from the pizza? I want to have a little cash on me to buy lunch tomorrow." There. Problem solved.
alex1960 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 If it's my partner, her change is my change, and vice versa. I wouldn't want to be bothered with it. If my partner insisted to get her change back, I'd be disappointed. And anything under twenty dollars can certainly be considered change these days.
sally4sara Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Last pizza I bought was 17 dollars. Tip your delivery driver and pay for the pizza and what do you expect to get back from a $20?
Hopeful30 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Oh come on. When you are exclusive you share everything. What is 9-10 bucks? It's not cheap for him to pay all the time, so when you give him a 20, he doesn't expect you to ask for each penny in change back, that's a bit selfish. The least you could do is let him keep the change. I know where you are coming from, and he should offer to give the change back. But the way I see it, when you're in a relationship, there is no "mine" and "yours".
O'Malley Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Just casually ask for the change from now on. Your money isn't your boyfriend's, and the reverse should also hold true.
tigressA Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I've never been in a relationship and had to ask for my change back, or vice versa. It was always assumed that it would be given, not kept. If I were in your shoes I would just ask him for the change. Problem solved.
DustySaltus Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Next time you want pizza give him $5 and then call him on the way and tell him you want a whole pie. If he asks you for the money when you get home, you'll have your answer....
Stung Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Last pizza I bought was 17 dollars. Tip your delivery driver and pay for the pizza and what do you expect to get back from a $20? This is what I thought, too--actually a pizza for less than 30 is a steal where I live. But maybe she's talking about her bf picking up a couple of slices? Oh come on. When you are exclusive you share everything. What is 9-10 bucks? It's not cheap for him to pay all the time, so when you give him a 20, he doesn't expect you to ask for each penny in change back, that's a bit selfish. The least you could do is let him keep the change. I know where you are coming from, and he should offer to give the change back. But the way I see it, when you're in a relationship, there is no "mine" and "yours". Sorry, but I pretty strongly disagree with this. While that is the way things work in my marriage (and not all marriages operate under this principle, even), the OP is talking about an exclusive dating relationship of just a couple of months. Her money is hers, his money is his, there is a line of delineation between them and all their respective possessions. In addition, the OP specifically stated that her bf does NOT pay all the time, it's about even. OP, I wouldn't really think about it if it was once or twice but I'd think it was weird at your stage of relationship, if I was paying for about half of the dates and yet my change was constantly being pocketed--and to students $15 isn't just chump change. But before I started assigning ulterior motive, I'd just ask him for my change next time; as someone else said, casually mention that you need it for lunch tomorrow. It definitely doesn't have to be a big deal.
Author Confusedalways Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 thanks guys- I'm not interested in receiving the money (otherwise I would've asked for it) , I just wanted to know if it was normal or not.
musemaj11 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Where do all you guys buy your pizza? I buy my large pepperoni pizza only for $11 at a local pizza parlor. Even at Pizza Hut its no more than $15.
sally4sara Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Where do all you guys buy your pizza? I buy my large pepperoni pizza only for $11 at a local pizza parlor. Even at Pizza Hut its no more than $15. Mama Lucia's pep and mushrooms. I would prefer some green onions too and sausage instead of pepperoni, but I always get over ruled by my husband and son. Or Dominoes when the boy wants those awful chicken kickers. I miss Papa John's as we are not in an area they service, but that was even pricier. Personally, I'm sick of pizza. Esp when a pack of sticky rice, 2 sticks of delicious chicken satay, and a side of edeme is under $5 from the little Thai market near us.
sid980 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Sometimes-- if I have to be in class or work late, I give him money to pick up a pizza or whatever so it's there when I get out. After refusing my offers, I leave the money and tell him to use it to pay. Reluctantly, he agrees. Usually, I only have 20's, so that's what I give him. I know these things do not cost $20. I even ask "was the 20 enough?" Wait what? What am I missing? He picks up food and refuses to take your money. You leave a 20 on the counter and tell him to use it. You even ask him if it was enough money (implying it may not have been) and then are upset because there isn't change? If you don't want to spend the money, don't. Or, if you are expecting it to be $10 and only have 20s... say something up front. Try this, "It'll be... what, $10 right? [check wallet/purse]... [dramatic pause]... Damn all I have is 20s. Here, bring me back what's left".
creighton0123 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 If things are evenly split, don't worry about it. Everyone is different, but when push comes to shove, it's all the same in the end. When I first saw the post, I thought you were helping him with bills, rent, etc. etc. and he wasn't paying you back. That would be something to worry about. Some couples have drastically different incomes. In my relationship, cost of shared activity usually runs 80%/20%, where I pay the 80 since I make much more money. If you're happy, consider the few extra dollars here and there an investment into your happiness :-) To muse: "Where do all you guys buy your pizza? I buy my large pepperoni pizza only for $11 at a local pizza parlor. Even at Pizza Hut its no more than $15." You're lucky. I live in Boston. Sure, I can get an $11 pizza, but it is dripping in grease. Higher quality runs 20-28 for a large depending on toppings.
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Since he is very generous overall with his money and how he spends it, him not returning afew bucks, (less than 5) shouldn't be a big deal. I know it isn't about the money really, it's that he's assumed that it's okay to keep it. So, why not have a change jar? Just tell him next time, any change you get back from dinner, throw in the jar. You guys can use that change for coffee, etc.
BlueRidgeMTs Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Oh come on. When you are exclusive you share everything. What is 9-10 bucks? It's not cheap for him to pay all the time, so when you give him a 20, he doesn't expect you to ask for each penny in change back, that's a bit selfish. The least you could do is let him keep the change. I know where you are coming from, and he should offer to give the change back. But the way I see it, when you're in a relationship, there is no "mine" and "yours". HA! My boyfriend is out on disability right now because of a corneal transplant, and can barely pay his rent and bills. So, when we go out, i pay for everything. I also pick up items for him from the store just about every week. Money is real tight for me too. So, if i give him 20 bucks for something, and it cost 10, i want the change back because im struggling here myself with having to take care of my own stuff, plus some of the bills my elderly mom is behind on. So yah, i want my change back.
Arabella Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 You're lucky. I live in Boston. Sure, I can get an $11 pizza, but it is dripping in grease. Higher quality runs 20-28 for a large depending on toppings. I live in Boston too and the most amazing pizza I've ever had runs me $10 from a little hole in the wall pizza shop a couple streets away. Assuming I pick it up, anyway. On this topic, I would expect him to at least OFFER the change back. If you don't care about it, you can just tell him not to worry about it, but I think he should at least have been considerate enough to mention it.
TaurusTerp Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I live in Boston too and the most amazing pizza I've ever had runs me $10 from a little hole in the wall pizza shop a couple streets away. Assuming I pick it up, anyway. On this topic, I would expect him to at least OFFER the change back. If you don't care about it, you can just tell him not to worry about it, but I think he should at least have been considerate enough to mention it. That would presume that he thought it was even an issue to begin with. Which I think most people wouldn't. I pay for 80% of our outings, and now you're going to ask for your 5 bucks back? That's absurd and I would have no interest in pursuing such a one-sided relationship.
Author Confusedalways Posted December 15, 2010 Author Posted December 15, 2010 Well wait, I live in Boston too and pizza is like 12 bucks. That would presume that he thought it was even an issue to begin with. Which I think most people wouldn't. I pay for 80% of our outings, and now you're going to ask for your 5 bucks back? That's absurd and I would have no interest in pursuing such a one-sided relationship. He does NOT pay for 80%- he pays for FIFTY PERCENT. Since he is very generous overall with his money and how he spends it, him not returning afew bucks, (less than 5) shouldn't be a big deal. I know it isn't about the money really, it's that he's assumed that it's okay to keep it. So, why not have a change jar? Just tell him next time, any change you get back from dinner, throw in the jar. You guys can use that change for coffee, etc.thanks- you seem to be the one of the few that understand I'm not actually upset over 5 dollars. Wait what? What am I missing? He picks up food and refuses to take your money. You leave a 20 on the counter and tell him to use it. You even ask him if it was enough money (implying it may not have been) and then are upset because there isn't change? If you don't want to spend the money, don't. Or, if you are expecting it to be $10 and only have 20s... say something up front. Try this, "It'll be... what, $10 right? [check wallet/purse]... [dramatic pause]... Damn all I have is 20s. Here, bring me back what's left". Sigh. It's not about not wanting to spend the money or not. It was merely a question of whether it was normal behavior to keep my change without asking. Period. Obviously, you think it's normal.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Well wait, I live in Boston too and pizza is like 12 bucks. Sigh. It's not about not wanting to spend the money or not. It was merely a question of whether it was normal behavior to keep my change without asking. Period. Obviously, you think it's normal. Doesn't matter if it's normal or not. The question is... does it bother you? I think the answer seems to be... Yes. Why does it bother you that he "keeps the change" without requesting permission?
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