cannot kick the loneliness

[Hhhh]

been 3 months...whatever i do, hanging out with friends, working out, etc. i cannot kick the loneliness and rejection. My life has gotten much better over the last few months

 

• Got a good Job
  
• lost more than 20 pounds and building muscle
  
• met new people
  
• reconnected with old friends
  

 

but i cant find happiness, i think about her constantly and i find myself asking myself "what if" questions.

 

i can't believe i'm in love with a ghost

[GreenPolicy]

been 3 months...whatever i do, hanging out with friends, working out, etc. i cannot kick the loneliness and rejection. My life has gotten much better over the last few months

 

• Got a good Job
  
• lost more than 20 pounds and building muscle
  
• met new people
  
• reconnected with old friends
  

 

but i cant find happiness, i think about her constantly and i find myself asking myself "what if" questions.

 

i can't believe i'm in love with a ghost

 

Man, that explains my feelings to a tee. I'm basically doing the same thing, exercising every night, catching up with friends I didn't spend a lot of time with before, kicking ass at work, etc. I was talking to my mom about this tonight, and she said that I am basically still allowing her to have power over me.

 

My breakup was two months ago. On the one hand, our exes are not responsible for our happiness. On the other hand, how are you supposed to feel when your best friend and lover leaves your life and it wasn't your idea? We just need to give ourselves time to grieve. As my counselor says, if we were already "over" it, then it would mean that they didn't mean that much to us. I guess our grief over lost love is evidence that we have had something beautiful in our lives. And as long as we look at this as a challenge and don't let this defeat us, we will love again if we put ourselves out there.

[Hhhh]

Man, that explains my feelings to a tee. I'm basically doing the same thing, exercising every night, catching up with friends I didn't spend a lot of time with before, kicking ass at work, etc. I was talking to my mom about this tonight, and she said that I am basically still allowing her to have power over me.

 

My breakup was two months ago. On the one hand, our exes are not responsible for our happiness. On the other hand, how are you supposed to feel when your best friend and lover leaves your life and it wasn't your idea? We just need to give ourselves time to grieve. As my counselor says, if we were already "over" it, then it would mean that they didn't mean that much to us. I guess our grief over lost love is evidence that we have had something beautiful in our lives. And as long as we look at this as a challenge and don't let this defeat us, we will love again if we put ourselves out there.

 

Thanks buddy for replaying... I think we are on the same track, we are doing the best things possible for us right now by not letting ourselves self-destruct. I hope in time we will be able to move on and find love again because i hate feeling like this

 

Wish you the best Green

[GreenPolicy]

Thanks buddy for replaying... I think we are on the same track, we are doing the best things possible for us right now by not letting ourselves self-destruct. I hope in time we will be able to move on and find love again because i hate feeling like this

 

Wish you the best Green

 

It's hard. This is the hardest thing I think I've ever gone through. My story is here:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253770/

 

It's been brutal. I know she could not have contemplated it for a long time, a few weeks at most. It's also hard because I KNOW I was her greatest love. You can't fake being in love. You can't fake wanting to get married.

[melenkurion]

You both sound like you are doing everything right and being incredibly dignified.

 

GreenPolicy, it's still very raw after two months. I'm maybe two weeks along than you, and it's taken me roughly that long to even start to get even physiologically normal, never mind any kind of emotional stability. I don't see that as abnormal. I was very worried about myself about a month ago: I was thinking "It's been six weeks. I still can't sleep, I still can't face eating and only know it's time to eat because I feel dizzy". I am trying to do the best I could, exercising, seeing friends whenever I can.

 

My counsellor told me it is normal to feel how I am feeling, how we are feeling. We feel this loss so badly because it is a significant loss. It's natural. I thought I would grow old with my ex. When I "married" him, he told me I had him forever.

 

There are maybe three separate elements to the grief, all of them massive. There's the loss of a major person in your life. Your best friend, your confidante. That's huge in itself. There's the grieving for the plans you had made for your life. Again, huge. In many cases, there's the coping with the infidelity, the lying, the cheating, the fact that you have been replaced. It's like a kick in the gut. That hurts so badly, but in a way I think if that happens, it can actually help longer term with the moving on. My ex moved in with the guy he cheated on me with for a period of three weeks. Once I found that out, I was done with wanting him back.

[GreenPolicy]

You both sound like you are doing everything right and being incredibly dignified.

 

GreenPolicy, it's still very raw after two months. I'm maybe two weeks along than you, and it's taken me roughly that long to even start to get even physiologically normal, never mind any kind of emotional stability. I don't see that as abnormal. I was very worried about myself about a month ago: I was thinking "It's been six weeks. I still can't sleep, I still can't face eating and only know it's time to eat because I feel dizzy". I am trying to do the best I could, exercising, seeing friends whenever I can.

 

My counsellor told me it is normal to feel how I am feeling, how we are feeling. We feel this loss so badly because it is a significant loss. It's natural. I thought I would grow old with my ex. When I "married" him, he told me I had him forever.

 

There are maybe three separate elements to the grief, all of them massive. There's the loss of a major person in your life. Your best friend, your confidante. That's huge in itself. There's the grieving for the plans you had made for your life. Again, huge. In many cases, there's the coping with the infidelity, the lying, the cheating, the fact that you have been replaced. It's like a kick in the gut. That hurts so badly, but in a way I think if that happens, it can actually help longer term with the moving on. My ex moved in with the guy he cheated on me with for a period of three weeks. Once I found that out, I was done with wanting him back.

 

I'll never know for sure what she left me for. That's hard, the uncertainty of never knowing 100 percent for sure what was behind the breakup. She either left me for somebody else, or the opportunity to meet somebody else. And even if it's the latter, I will be replaced sooner or later. I don't think she lacks the integrity to have stayed with me until she lined up her next boyfriend. My gut doesn't tell me that.

 

I get confused, because there is so much in the relationship that I KNOW was real - her desire to get married (which changed at a certain point), her evaluation of me as the best she's ever had (actions speak louder than words, but I could list a LOT of things she DID to back that up). What it comes down to I think is that the honeymoon/infatuation stage wore off and she didn't love me as much as I loved her. A relationship can't run on love alone. Once you get to the disillusionment stage, you can't fall back on just your feelings. And she felt she couldn't move forward in marriage.