angelboots Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 (edited) I am on day 8 of NC but yesterday my ex messaged me... i didnt respond and at the time i giggled and thought to myself "why does he care what i think of him now, after everything he has done to me and put me through this year" But now i am mad at him and i hate feeling anger. A brief run down for those that dont know the history this man has a borderline personality disorder and is very low functioning as in he doesn't even try to control himself or hes destructive behavior, everything is always every body else's fault, he yo~yos with affection between absolute idolization and pure hatred. He cheated on me, dumped me every few months, shared a personal video of the two of us on the internet (it was quickly removed thankfully) and all the time i was supporting him and loving him and excusing hes behaviour as part of hes illness.. yes i know.. stupid me. Our last mutual contact was him telling me no one understands him like i do, no one means as much to him as i do, that i am completely loveable and desirable, wanting sex and asking me not to see anyone else and that he missed me and wanted to fix things, him asking for a chance to figure it all out etc to which i replied "yes or no do you really want this because i cant keep playing this game of yours anymore its too painful etc" and he sent back i will call you tomorrow morning, as i was busy blah blah blah" and no call came. So i told him that meant obviously meant no and it was over, wished him luck and told him to take care, then i went NC. Yesterday i recieved "its not that i didnt want you to move on, i was just trying to protect our friendship, i want us to be friends" so i guess all i am doing really is having a vent at this situation but i also would love to know... why does he even care what i think of him? Why wont he just go away? He has to know that the way he treated me was unjust and cowardly and at times extremely violent and hostile. He hurt me more then he comforted me with hes actions the whole time we were together but silly me i thought i could help him. why is it that it hurts still? Edited December 14, 2010 by angelboots
WTRanger Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 If he persists with the "friends" thing, you can always tell him that if he were to really value the future friendship he will leave you alone for the next few years so you can really heal. That'll sausage his waffles.
Author angelboots Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 i just broke NC.......... grrrrrrr. i replied "if you value our friendship please respect my desire to have no contact with you via internet or telephone. I do not see any benefit emotional, mental or physical, in maintaining contact for either of us, short or long term. thank you" i need to change my number. fast lol but grrrrrrr back to resetting the no contact clock i go
paleblue Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 (edited) That is laying it on pretty thick. I mean him saying all that garbage to you. Dam. Now it just sounds like he's hanging around wondering if he can get more sex out of you. Let's be "friends" Pppffftttttt Ya ok. Sure, let's get together I love being treated like a meaningless a- hole. Dont beat yourself up too bad, I mean 8 days of NC -it's difficult! You did good. Actually your message to him I think was good. Like hey, get the ... out. Good!!!!!!!!!! Keep working at it. The more time goes by, the more I think you will see how unhealthy it was being with him!! Edited December 14, 2010 by paleblue
Author angelboots Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 lol i know right? thats what i thought too. he two replies.. "wtf that means no cents" and three hours later "pfft what ever" I already see it as unhealthy, i already know exactly how the conversation will go at any point.. him wanting to argue the point or find a way to make me the bad guy for getting off the merry go round that he calls a "relationship". I have always been considered very mature for my age and have associated with people older then myself to avoid this sort of nonsense, this was my first attempt of dating someone my own age... and if this is what its like i will continue to seek out people more on my own level, because this is absurd and i hate how its making me feel at any given time. Anger and i dont mix, it makes me feel like i want to be sick, if its my own or someone elses and this one is angry on the inside enough for three people. The moment did pass though thankfully, i still dislike him very much. i just hope he goes away before i actually REALLy hate him and feel backed into a corner where i snap at him and feel reduced to hes level. the shame i would feel at myself for that worries me
homebrew Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Based on his last two replies you shared... At the present moment, IT IS CLEAR THAT HE DOES NOT RESPECT OR CARE ABOUT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS! It's still (I'm guessing it has always been) ALL ABOUT HIM! Even a mental reject knows that it takes someone time and space to properly get over someone one. Add to that, you were nice enough to explain to him in plain english... that contacting you is causing you pain so if he cared about you at all, that he should not contact you at the present moment. Now he responds and is a complete jerk because he is not getting his way... Your EX has #%^ for brains and is a selfish prick! If that is a picture of you in your avatar... You have NOTHING to worry about! There will be a long line of distinguished men that will be more than happy to take his place and treat you the way that you deserve! Any other guys see Angleboots having any difficulty "Upgrading" from her EX? I sure don't!
paleblue Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 lol i know right? thats what i thought too. he two replies.. "wtf that means no cents" and three hours later "pfft what ever" I already see it as unhealthy, i already know exactly how the conversation will go at any point.. him wanting to argue the point or find a way to make me the bad guy for getting off the merry go round that he calls a "relationship". I have always been considered very mature for my age and have associated with people older then myself to avoid this sort of nonsense, this was my first attempt of dating someone my own age... and if this is what its like i will continue to seek out people more on my own level, because this is absurd and i hate how its making me feel at any given time. Anger and i dont mix, it makes me feel like i want to be sick, if its my own or someone elses and this one is angry on the inside enough for three people. The moment did pass though thankfully, i still dislike him very much. i just hope he goes away before i actually REALLy hate him and feel backed into a corner where i snap at him and feel reduced to hes level. the shame i would feel at myself for that worries me you just cant win with people like this!!! not cool. well I guess you know now why you associated with people older then yourself! you do seem very mature. I say once it gets to the point where all you feel is aggravation , its not worth it. relationships should be light and fun. I mean ya, there are times when you need to be serious, but .. : ) I realized my ex was nothing but a drain on me in every way, even draining my mental energy just thinking about her. it really sucks feeling that way all the time. sometimes I would get soo angry thinking about it, I didn’t even realize I was growling and my teeth were showing. I wanted to bite people. and I was blowing up at anyone in my line of fire for the very smallest thing. I remember I almost ripped some guys head off at the pharmacy because he cut me off. then I said whoa…look what’s happening to me. time to get out of this!! its gone south and nothing about it is fun anymore. I had to slam the door on mine awhile back because that is exactly what was happening, I was on the verge of actually feeling hatred for her because she wouldn’t leave me alone. its like just because she thought we should be friends, we were. not cool. since I closed the door on all that I can say I have calmed down. I still growl, I just don’t have the urge to bite now
Author angelboots Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 I feel the same way about "j" He is like a parasite in my soul.. my thoughts are still consumed with him and when not with him they are running over why i let myself get hurt, how could he hurt me when i gave him so much love and support, how was I not good enough, could i have been better, should i have been meaner... he is in my dreams still sometimes too and i wake up hurting.. It is getting better as time goes on, we did break NC and tried to do the friend thing and support each other with our diplomas and career moves, but inevitably he would go flirty or reminisce about what "might have been" and i would get hope... Found out he is back with hes ex wife the other night through a mutual friend ans she doesn't know we were still in contact.. in fact he broke NC after they got back together. I give this chance with them less then 5% of a chance already. I am no longer mad and am now swinging more toward acceptance but i am still not completely there yet. ever hopeful that tommorrow will be better though
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