How do I talk to my girlfriend about my fantasy? I feel like it is kinda weird

[artchick88]

my bf said something similar to me and it hasn't been fun for me. I'm wondering if it's one of those things that are best left unsaid.

I don't understand it and now wonder if he has psychological problems. I feel less special about him and I now too. To me part of the specialness of sex with him was because it was just me and him. Now that I know he would let other guys touch me up and penetrate me.. and want that.. it will never be the same again. It's like my body is an object or something and sex is just sex.

 

There's no right or wrong with preferences, but maybe he's just not the one for me.

 

Hope my perspective helps a little

 

I agree, a guy I was with liked to talk about me being with other men and it BROKE MY HEART. Why the hell would I want to be with anyone else? I hate that idea. Do not ask her to do this. It will break her heart.

[Star Gazer]

Well I like the idea of her just really enjoying another guys pleasure. Like her giving head to a guy and just being really into it, or the excitement of getting fingered by a guy she thinks is hot.

 

Do you like the idea of her giving ANOTHER MAN pleasure?

 

Do you like the idea of her swallowing his cum?

 

Do you like the idea that she's not all yours?

 

Do you like the idea that she might enjoy another man more than you?

[Soru]

I understand where you're coming from dude. I sometimes fantasize about my girlfriend with other guys. But if it were to ever happen, I'd be beyond pissed off. A fantasy is exactly what it should stay as....A FANTASY.

 

Jealousy will surely rise. I would want my woman to be solely mine. I would never want another man penetrating her, feeling up on her, and giving her sexual pleasure. All these things are something that I only I can experience with her. Not some other dude. And besides, how will you feel if she prefers his method over yours?

 

Too many bad sides to this to even try. I think it's morally wrong personally.

[Psymon]

While your fantasy is in the minority, it is your fantasy. And you should be able to tell it to someone you've been in a relationship with for 2 years. There will be risk to telling her, but there's risk in everything we do. If you haven't done this in previous relationships, you'll still be learning about how you'd feel in this situation.

 

You may lose her, but the truth is you'll lose most of the relationships you have. It would be a shame to hide a part of yourself out of fear of losing your girlfriend, because the longer you keep it secret, the weirder it will seem when you finally tell her.

 

That said, it doesn't have to be said in a serious tone, like the world is about to end. Talk about your fantasies to each other, then tell her that you sometimes picture her with other men--and it's a turn-on for you. You're not telling her to do anything, you're just opening up more about yourself...a beautiful thing in a relationship, I'd say! Good luck!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Clack,

 

In your particular situation, with the girlfriend having never had another partner, there is the considerable impact of her putting great value in her true monogamy.

 

Were you a pair of 45yo divorcees, who just met and started dating, then it would be a lit-tle easier to broach the subject and not send her running from the relationship.

 

However, one hope you have, is (did I read correctly?) that she's going overseas for an extended period?

 

THAT IS your window of chance to at least be "fair" to her and allow that she see and mate with other guys, in case the long time period is too constricting given the new environment.

 

Now there is a CHANCE that she will never come back to you, given free roam of the European countryside that way, BUT, if she multiplies her sex partner 'number' while there, then IF she comes back, you are then free to share your unique interests with her without so much fear.

 

For now, you just have too great a psychological barrier in her own 'pride' about having given it up to only one guy.

[dreamingoftigers]

Sorry to sound horrible, but I really don't understand why him sharing his fantasy with her makes her less special. It should make her more special that he wants her in this way.

 

Maybe that is just coming from someone in a sexless marriage.

[seekingunderstanding]

I understand where you're coming from dude. I sometimes fantasize about my girlfriend with other guys. But if it were to ever happen, I'd be beyond pissed off. A fantasy is exactly what it should stay as....A FANTASY.

 

Jealousy will surely rise. I would want my woman to be solely mine. I would never want another man penetrating her, feeling up on her, and giving her sexual pleasure. All these things are something that I only I can experience with her. Not some other dude. And besides, how will you feel if she prefers his method over yours?

 

Too many bad sides to this to even try. I think it's morally wrong personally.

 

If my bf felt and said all that you describe here, I would be ok with that.

He did say it would be rip-your-heart-out painful.. but said he would do it... figure that one out.

 

I don't know if it's the same thing as the OP, since my bf has a fear of me cheating behind his back.

OP, if you were my man, I would leave if you encouraged me to have sex with others on my vacation. I would conclude that we don't have compatible values and we're not looking for the same things in a mate.

[clack201]

Sorry to sound horrible, but I really don't understand why him sharing his fantasy with her makes her less special. It should make her more special that he wants her in this way.

 

Maybe that is just coming from someone in a sexless marriage.

 

Thats exactly what I think. It would be special to hear her experiences of having fun.

[Soru]

If my bf felt and said all that you describe here, I would be ok with that.

He did say it would be rip-your-heart-out painful.. but said he would do it... figure that one out.

 

I don't know if it's the same thing as the OP, since my bf has a fear of me cheating behind his back.

OP, if you were my man, I would leave if you encouraged me to have sex with others on my vacation. I would conclude that we don't have compatible values and we're not looking for the same things in a mate.

 

It just depends on how one views sex I guess. I view as something deeper and meaningful. Something two people who really, really love each other do. I was never the one to have sex with people I just had a physical attraction for. It runs deeper than that to me. So seeing my girlfriend having sex with someone else will hurt my heart horribly.

 

My girlfriend has the same mentality for sex. If I asked her to have sex with another man, she'd most likely break up with me on the spot, because she'll lose that special feeling of being exclusive to me.

 

Just watch porn together or something OP.

[PhillyDude]

I would only do this with someone who thinks she my girlfriend. Not with someone I'm comitted to and risk losing her to another guy.