Jump to content

How do I talk to my girlfriend about my fantasy? I feel like it is kinda weird

clack201

By clack201
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
Posted

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 2 years and we are very much in love. We are both 21 and attend different colleges. To make a long story short my fantasy involves her messing around with a guy she might find attractive. She was a virgin when we met so I was the first guy she had sex with. She has only kissed a couple guys before we dated, but has never done anything else sexual with anyone else. Our sex life is great and we are very much in love, and we have a great time together. For some reason I have this fantasy and I cant help it. I think maybe it has to do with her not having experienced anyone else sexually. I know many people find her attractive and I find that to be a turn on.

 

I know I am not a jealous person and if she ever came to me and said she wanted to experience someone else I would love that idea. I have tried to forget about this fantasy, but it pops in my head from time to time when she mentions studying with one of her good guy friends or whenever shes out at a party. Even just the thought of her dancing with another guy turns me on, but she is very conservative and not much of a dancer. How do I tell her about this? and does anyone have any experience with this in their 20s?

alex1960 Established Member

alex1960

Posted
Posted

Based on your description of your girlfriend, I would say you have pretty slim chances of pulling this off. And even if you do, the chances of this backfiring at you are pretty high.

 

Her reaction can potentially be "if he's ok with me sleeping with another guy, it must be because he wants to sleep with another girl". Even if she tells you she's fine with this, it will always remain in the back of her mind.

 

Now, there are ways you can explore your fantasy without causing too much damage. While she's aroused, perhaps ask her if she'd like to watch another couple. Then slow drift toward a scenario where the two of you give a show. And then if she's really into it then try including another guy in your story.

 

Listen to her very carefully at every stage. If she shows the slightest sign of discomfort, have a plan B in mind and get her back on track asap.

 

If your girlfriend is wife material, I would suggest you don't take this any further unless the two of you are really into this. It takes a special type of person to want and enjoy situations like these.

 

Good luck.

Madgick1 Established Member

Madgick1

Posted
Posted

In my opinion, you are asking for trouble. If she's conservative, it's going to freak her out. And if she goes for the idea, you're likely to end up more jealous than you imagine right now.

 

JMO

  • Author
clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I don't think I would feel jealousy only because thats not how I think. It just seems like something like that could be fun for all parties if they were all ok with it. I just don't know how my gf would react to me telling her this. I do not want to do anything with other girls, I just would want her to have fun if she wanted. She is going abroad in the spring and I have thought of telling her to have her fun (safely) if she wanted. I just don't know how to put that in words. If she would never want to do something with anyone else I would be completely ok with that. I had my fun in high school and college and I want my gf to be able to experience some of that if she wanted too.

seekingunderstanding Member

seekingunderstanding

Posted
Posted

my bf said something similar to me and it hasn't been fun for me. I'm wondering if it's one of those things that are best left unsaid.

I don't understand it and now wonder if he has psychological problems. I feel less special about him and I now too. To me part of the specialness of sex with him was because it was just me and him. Now that I know he would let other guys touch me up and penetrate me.. and want that.. it will never be the same again. It's like my body is an object or something and sex is just sex.

 

There's no right or wrong with preferences, but maybe he's just not the one for me.

 

Hope my perspective helps a little

  • Author
clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for your post. It is really good to hear from your perspective. Its hard to explain, but I don't think her as an object in this situation. I just believe in you only live once and I had alot of fun with girls in the past. It wasnt that I did not care about them it was just sexual fun with friends and I would want her to get that experience if she wanted to. It would make me feel good to know she was enjoying herself even if it was with a friend.

alexlakeman Established Member

alexlakeman

Posted
Posted

It's like a car; you will own a bunch of them in your life....

Seamless74 Established Member

Seamless74

Posted
Posted

Its your fantasy so more power to you.. I think your fantasy would be alot cooler if you wanted to see her with another girl with you in the middle :) But thats just me.. I find more than one erect penis in such a small space to be uncomfortable.. :o

seekingunderstanding Member

seekingunderstanding

Posted
Posted

hmm.. a lot of people don't think that way and I do believe that some things are better left unsaid.

I would say that if you don't NEED this from her, and it isn't going to come up as a problem for you two later that she should know about, I would suggest mentioning something related, checking her reaction, and if it's negative keeping it to yourself.

  • Author
clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Yes. The closest thing we have got to talking about anything like this was talking about who she thinks is hot out of our groups of friends. And we sometimes go back and forth using her one friend she finds attractive as a teasing joke about how shes with him when I call. Stupid little things like that haha but i feel like thats normal.

Titania22 Established Member

Titania22

Posted
Posted
I don't think I would feel jealousy only because thats not how I think. It just seems like something like that could be fun for all parties if they were all ok with it. I just don't know how my gf would react to me telling her this. I do not want to do anything with other girls, I just would want her to have fun if she wanted. She is going abroad in the spring and I have thought of telling her to have her fun (safely) if she wanted. I just don't know how to put that in words. If she would never want to do something with anyone else I would be completely ok with that. I had my fun in high school and college and I want my gf to be able to experience some of that if she wanted too.

 

 

You seem like a really considerate guy. As someone who met my husband when i was 19 and married by 20, I had a great deal of feelings that I might have missed out on something when I was younger, so I can really feel where you are coming from.

 

However if she is young, this might not be something she would be interested in exploring until she is a big older.

 

Goodluck!

  • Author
clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
  • Author
Posted

thankss. Yeah it might happen at a later time and I would be ok with that. When she is abroad in spring she may see that herself. We will be away from eachother for months and I wouldnt want to hold her back. Sexual stuff is fun and it would be fantastic to hear about a night with a European stud hahah

  • Author
clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
  • Author
Posted

anyone else have experience with something like this?

pandagirl Established Member

pandagirl

Posted
Posted

My ex had the same fantasy, and to be honest, it made me feel insecure. He told me he never expected me to do it, and it wasn't something that was necessary, but know knowing how much the idea turned him on and that it was his #1 sexual fantasy -- and one that I would never partake in -- made me feel bad.

 

Also what made it bad, was he did explore this fantasy with an ex of his, so I felt like it was something he was going to want again in the future.

 

But now he is my ex, so I don't have to worry about it anymore! haha.

elaina Established Member

elaina

Posted
Posted (edited)
my bf said something similar to me and it hasn't been fun for me. I'm wondering if it's one of those things that are best left unsaid.

I don't understand it and now wonder if he has psychological problems. I feel less special about him and I now too. To me part of the specialness of sex with him was because it was just me and him. Now that I know he would let other guys touch me up and penetrate me.. and want that.. it will never be the same again. It's like my body is an object or something and sex is just sex.

 

There's no right or wrong with preferences, but maybe he's just not the one for me.

 

Hope my perspective helps a little

 

I agree. This is how I would feel about the idea, if my boyfriend wanted that.

 

You know, you could ask her what her sexual fantasies are though... maybe that's a fantasy of hers too? You never know. People are different.

Edited by elaina
elaina Established Member

elaina

Posted
Posted (edited)
It's like a car; you will own a bunch of them in your life....

 

:( or like clothes maybe, or shoes?

 

Sad when something so beautiful as sex and a loving relationship is compared to a non-living material object.

Edited by elaina
KraftDinner Established Member

KraftDinner

Posted
Posted

Ever thought it might play out something like this:

 

You: I want you to have sex with another guy, that'd be hot!

Her: Ooh, sounds exciting! Okay, here I go.

 

(She has sex with another guy)

 

Her: Sorry, OP, I like him better than you. Later!

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

Posted
Posted

All this talk of "wife material" is making my penis soft! :p

 

If this is what gets you motor running like nothing else - tell her the fantasy.

If she is not cool with it, maybe you two are not right for each other in the long haul. But not telling her this is what you really like just to keep her around is going to have you living a lie and unsatisfied later on.

 

Find a girl who is your flavor of "wife material". They come in all kinds.

  • Author
clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Yeah I have thought of that, but I would not think of asking this If i thought we had a weak relationship. If she did see it this way I don't think our relationship is strong enough for us to stay in anyway. I just want her to enjoy the thrill of playing with a guy she finds attractive. I had fun in college and its fun to do these things. Even if she just choose to go to a party and dance and hook up with a guy, or maybe give oral to a guy she found hot, this would be great and very much a turn on.

  • Author
clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I do definitely believe she is wife material. I know there is a chance we will not get married, but I could see it happening

phillyfan Established Member

phillyfan

Posted
Posted
I don't think I would feel jealousy only because thats not how I think. It just seems like something like that could be fun for all parties if they were all ok with it. I just don't know how my gf would react to me telling her this. I do not want to do anything with other girls, I just would want her to have fun if she wanted. She is going abroad in the spring and I have thought of telling her to have her fun (safely) if she wanted. I just don't know how to put that in words. If she would never want to do something with anyone else I would be completely ok with that. I had my fun in high school and college and I want my gf to be able to experience some of that if she wanted too.

 

'could be fun for all parties'? DUDE, SERIOUSLY u cant believe that.

 

Put urself in her shoes, u were her first, she loves u, u say 'yea i love u too, but go bang otha dudes, it makes me hot, oh yea'. OMFG what is wrong wit u.

Stung Established Member

Stung

Posted
Posted
She is going abroad in the spring and I have thought of telling her to have her fun (safely) if she wanted. I just don't know how to put that in words. .

 

I'm on the fence about this one; I can understand how someone might feel the sex between them and their partner was made less-than because of this fantasy, how she might feel less special, but I can also see how it could be pretty hot. Honestly I think I personally would probably feel both extremes, if this came up for me. Not all women would be automatically horrified by this fantasy, I know some who would be taken aback and several others who would welcome it. Now, since you mention that your gf is pretty conservative and virginal, my guess is she's more the former than the latter--but if this fantasy is really eating at you, maybe you should go ahead and bring it up, gently. Don't broach it as something you actually want her to do, but as a fantasy that just augments her hotness to you, her desirableness. If it's not pressing, then just let it go, for now.

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT wait until she's about to go abroad and then tell her she should feel free to mess around with whoever she wants. I'd say most women would feel insecure about that and think that was code for, 'I'M going to mess around while you're gone so I don't care if you do, too'. The monumentally bad timing of that announcement, out of the blue, would really send signals it sounds like you don't want to send. Also, if you're interested in exploring this fantasy with your girlfriend, you should be exploring it with your girlfriend, by her side, talking about how you both feel about what's happening every step of the way. This is the kind of situation that requires open communication and regular reinforcement of love, not distance.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
Posted

If I was in an ostensibly committed relationship and my SO told me he wanted to share me with other men, the relationship would end right then and there.

VertexSquared Established Member

VertexSquared

Posted
Posted

Out of curiosity, what is it about that fantasy that gets you so riled up? Can you give any sort of further detail? What do you feel when you see/experience that?

  • Author
clack201 Member

clack201

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Well I like the idea of her just really enjoying another guys pleasure. Like her giving head to a guy and just being really into it, or the excitement of getting fingered by a guy she thinks is hot.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...