She just broke NC after 22 days.. insight?

[GG67]

Here's my original post about the break up..

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t256045/

 

I have made NO CONTACT in 22 days. Nothing. She just emailed me tonight. She was responding to my last email (sent 22 days ago, just a few days after the break up), claiming that she 'couldn't remember' if she had responded to it already (???)

 

Anyway, she basically said the same things as before (it wasn't meant to be, it felt 'forced' on her end, I possess MANY qualities she's looking for, however she's 'at peace' with her decision to break up).

 

Is this a 2nd (unsolicited) rejection for me, 22 days later?? LOL I didn't know it was possible to get 'dumped' again by the same person after you got dumped already. However, at the end of this new email, she DOES suggest meeting up for one of our favorite meals sometime (but, as 'friends', if I'd be up to it)

 

Can anyone make heads or tails of this?? I have made absolutely NO contact with her since she first told me all of this. This was not solicited by me.

[fiat500]

Don't meet her for a meal as "just friends"

 

Just ignore her. Being friends isn't good enough.

 

Yeah. People can dump you twice or three times. It's called being "heartless"

[Leandro]

yea, don't reply. She knew she didn't reply, she could have looked in her sent folder.

[GG67]

yea, don't reply. She knew she didn't reply, she could have looked in her sent folder.

 

No, she DID reply to it before. This was her 2nd reply to one email LOL

[GG67]

Here's her email..

 

Hi *****,

I know it's been a while and I realized that I never responded to this e-mail or did I? lol. Anyway, here comes one to you...

I guess this was alot to take in at the time and actually still is. I've truly never had someone express things about themself like this to me, especially through an e-mail. You make some very good points. You are an intelligent, compassionate person that is for sure. Nobody is perfect, we both know that but again I do believe their is a "soul mate" for everyone and I don't think that anything should be "forced" or you should be "unsure" if/when you do meet the right person. I think that's why I am at peace with my decision with us. Again, a connection shouldn't come and go it should just come naturally and grow stronger. I know you agree. I also KNOW we will both have that one day.

 

I truly do wish you the best and I'm sure we will both have our fair share of hurt in the future as far as relationships go, but hopefully once the "one" crosses our path, we will know it and the past won't matter. You had/have alot of the qualities I am looking for in someone but again, feelings can't be forced..it's not fair to either person.

 

It sounds like you are well aware of your flaws and of your strengths and that is a wonderful quality to have. I'd like to think I am too and thats what makes us "real" people.

 

I hope things are going well for you and you are staying warm. I'm off to Phoenix soon, so I'm looking forward to that! I'm not sure how you'd feel about meeting for a "Thai" pizza one day as "friends" of course. I'll leave that decision up to you.

 

Take Care

******

[helovesmeyes]

do not reply, i repeat do not reply.

[GG67]

do not reply, i repeat do not reply.

 

Oh, I haven't. I'm 22 days strong NC now. She's gonna have to do a LOT better than that LOL

[fiat500]

Oh god. Reading that email hurts. And I'm a woman.

 

Sorry, guy. You deserve better.

[Juzzy]

gosh that was like de javu for me...flashbacks and all. i actually dont understand how they think inviting you out with them as "friends" is fair on you...

[dk.bnz.chi]

f..k that b...h with her bs. real people and whatever. were you both robots until now? what a moron

 

she just wants to relieve some guilt of breaking up with you,and would like you to acknowledge by replying.

 

she didn't get a reply for the "1st" email and now she sends "another=1st" to get a response for validation.

 

don't send her anything,man those blah blah blahs are so freaking annoying.

 

it's just ,you're the best but not really the best,you're smart but not the smartest,you're the guy for me but not really,i hurt but not really,i'm a stupid b...h but not really.

paths cross etc etc.f...g annoying i swear when i read stuff like this

 

don't even think of replying.

if you really want to reply ,just write her back something from the heart like "ups,i farted!" that'll be good enough

[GG67]

LOL Thanks guys

 

But, just to clarify (because, I think there's some confusion for the readers here).. After she broke it off, I DID write her an email. AND, she DID respond to it. I responded BACK, and basically said (in a nutshell), "I don't like it, but I accept it" (didn't beg and plead). I basically accepted it and said goodbye, and THAT'S where the 22 days of No Contact started.

 

So, to be clear, she didn't write this latest email because she didn't get a reply from me. There was no 'response pending' from either side. She was simply 'responding again' (because she couldn't remember is she already had??) LOL

 

I don't know.

[Fern]

She's trying to reopen the lines of communication. Her 'new life' isn't as rosy as she expected and she wants to lean on you and use you as an ego boost without promising anything. She just wants to make sure you're still in the background as an option if it turns out that - actually - she made a BIG mistake writing you off. I hate that soulmate nonsense she spouted in her email. Only teenage girls still believe that hooey - and not even too many of them.

[dk.bnz.chi]

second that

[GG67]

Agreed. I share the same philosophy. You don't just meet a great person, and then 'set it and forget it'. You become soul mates, by growing together.

 

I think some people have so many 'wrong' relationships, that they forget what a 'real' relationship is like. They want 'perfect' Cinderella circumstances, and run when they nitpick little things as 'trouble'. Saying that it's all supposed to be 'easy and natural' is like saying, "I want to go through life without losing any of my loved ones to disease, sickness, accidents, or old age." That's just not how life and relationships work. The 'fairytale' is an illusion/sham. That's why the divorce rate is over 50%. It's not because, "Oh, they just weren't right for each other/It wasn't meant to be". A majority of them are divorced because they lost that 'connection', and didn't continue getting to know each other and growing together (instead of growing apart).

[whichwayisup]

do not reply, i repeat do not reply.

 

I repeat, do not reply!

 

Do yourself a huge favour now. Delete and block her or dump that email account, create a new one. You don't need to read anything else she says.

 

She was fishing, for reaction, in hopes that you don't see her as the bad guy, she hopes a friendship can happen one day, yeah right.

 

Keeping quiet and silent says alot more than words can.

[dk.bnz.chi]

for some people its just easier to leave a relationship when they have problems instead of trying to fix them.

 

i think that when you stay and fix things and work it out ,you'll appreciate what you have more than if everything would be perfect.

 

it's the same everywhere,when you have to put in an effort to get something(being a car,a new job,a vacation etc) you appreciate it more than if you would just have it handed

[fiat500]

Yeah. I agree with dk.

 

Her email was super lame and if she believes in soul mates she's an idiot. No relationship is perfect. Even if you both hit it off INSTANTLY, it still takes work to keep the flame going. NOTHING is easy. Maybe only for the first 5 or 6 months.

 

Soul mates? F**king moron.

[dk.bnz.chi]

you should ask her if she even knows what a "soul mate" is,probably she doesn't have a clue.

 

i don't even know myself what it is but it really sounds damn annoying,soul mate my a..s,little girl fairy tale s...t.

i don't know why,but certain words get me so upset.

 

i want to live in a big house with my soul mate and have no problems,a few horses,a big garage with lot's of cars and lots of pink purses,lol

 

i for sure don't want no damn soul mate,sounds like exorcism to me

[GG67]

LOL Agreed

 

Yeah, saying 'soul mate'/'it should be easy'.. that's just an excuse, to protect yourself from 'possible' hurt in the future. Like when criminals go to church and talk about God, it's a way of excusing themselves and their own issues.

[melenkurion]

Don't respond. I know you aren't going to . That email is not even close to what you deserve. After 22 days it needed to be pretty spectacular.

 

but hopefully once the "one" crosses our path, we will know it and the past won't matter.

 

It's not going to happen, not like that. There are no "soul mates". There is an initial spark, there are people you click with more easily than others. But then it takes a lot of hard work to sustain something. It's not just magic and easy because "the one" has crossed your path. You know that, of course. Anyone who believes that rubbish is bad news. You are well out of it.

[ame]

hi can i have more info about the no contact rule? pleasee lol

thing is ppl are sayin dnt reply just block her, do u want her bk? x

[GG67]

Well, every case is different, and you can only give everyone so much information about your own experience on here. I've done NC with her for 22 days, and it seemed to work. She broke silence, and initiated contact. But, it was.. an odd response LOL She basically was saying the same thing as before (that we weren't meant to be, and that we'll both find someone).. BUT, she added something new this time (meet 'as friends' for dinner?) LOL So, as far as me wanting her back, it just depends.. it depends on where her head is at with all of this. Like someone said to me earlier in this post, her feelings for me are very 'conflicted' (which is confirmed by this email from her). She says she 'thinks' she's at peace with her decision about us, and says to me, "I know you agree". So, it's almost like she's still thinking about an email I wrote to her 3 weeks ago and thinking about what I said, and now she is maybe trying to get me to agree with her, or maybe even trying to get me to help convince her, that she made the right decision? (I don't know)

 

Nothing bad ever happened between us (other than breaking up, of course), but we never fought, we always treated each other with respect, and we always had fun together. So, from that standpoint, yes, I want her back. BUT, like I said, it depends on her. I did respond to her last night (because she and I are respectful to each other, and we would never ignore each other forever like that). I told her that I think she has an intimacy problem (fear), and that 'soul mates' and 'easy' relationships are an illusion. I told her that pushing me away was her decision, and as far as 'meeting as friends', I told her that not being able to see me, or having my heart or my friendship, is a consequence of that decision, and that meeting as friends would only serve to benefit her (i.e. it's only meant to make her feel better)

 

I pretty much left it at that. I told her that she told me to move on, so I'm moving on. I don't like it, but I have to look out for myself now. Getting back together would depend on trusting her not to 'keep leaving'. It depends on if she's able to get through her issues on her own (because, as someone else said to me on here, I'm not her therapist. It's not up to me to make her realize that I'm special, or that she's just afraid).

Edited December 16, 2010 by GG67

[Mrlonelyone]

To be totally honest 22 days without contact is not a long enough time to even consider the first chance to be totally over. I read the second email as her saying it's really over and it was sent for her benefit weather you respond or not. She wants to affirm that it's over really over.

 

Second chances can work, and the ones that do are often after enough time for both people to make real changes in their lives. Otherwise what is really so different in 22 days that you could have a relationship with her?

[ame]

if she replies to ur email please let us know.

22 days feels like such a long time, ive had no contact with my ex for 2days im hoping that soon he will start to miss me and then get in contact lol, we split over a stupid row when he was ill. altho he has agreed to meet me on saturday to talk so fingers crossed i will get him back x

[GG67]

To be totally honest 22 days without contact is not a long enough time to even consider the first chance to be totally over.

 

I agree. I told her that I wasn't sure about meeting for dinner as friends, and that she needs more time without me in her life. If she's really 'at peace' with her decision, then she shouldn't need me for anything like that.