mo mo Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 This is a great community. I have been browsing this forum for about a week to see if anyone has a situation similar to mine. While I have learned a few things, I figured I might as well voice my concerns to see what you all think. SO There's a girl I work with that I am interested in, but when we first met she was seeing someone. I was still friendly with her and at one point I had told her that I think we would be a great couple. She explained that she was committed, etc. but I just explained that was how I felt and it sucked because that dude basically got in before I ever even met her. A few weeks passed and she eventually broke up with him. She warmed up to me quite a bit during those few weeks and I believe I am the only person at work that knows she is currently single. I let her know that I did not change my mind about what I had told her a few weeks ago, and we've been talking at work, getting lunch together, pretty often since. My issue right now though is that I know she just got out of this relationship, so I don't want to push forward too much or smother her. She does seems interested in me, that's really not what I am worried about. I am worried about keeping the attraction alive. See, in the beginning, everything seemed to be going smoothly, as indicated in the first scenario in the original post. But then, reality sunk in and we haven't really been able to talk on the phone or text each other too much since we are on different schedules and have different responsibilities outside of work. I do feel that I am putting in all the effort to communicate with her, which leaves me wondering just how interested he is. Logic and the wise words I have read on this site tell me to just relax, but my feelings tell me she should try to put a little more effort to get in touch with me outside of work. SO what do you guys think? Should I just relax and give it more time? Or should I be more aggressive? The breakup was a little over a week ago.
ascendotum Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 You realize the communication should be a 2 way street, which it should be, still the breakup was just a little over a week ago...that's not long for her to get over the breakdown of a relationship unless she had already mentally checked out a long time beforehand. You said she broke up with the guy, so she wont exactly be devastated, still I think you should give her some time to process the loss of the relationship and also to just have a break from being accountable to someone. You don't have to have the same schedule to txt or email, that's the beauty of it. You are in her orbit and she knows you are fond of her. Did your work schedules just change? If not then keep having lunch with her to keep the attraction alive and keep doing what you were doing. Ask her what she is going to be doing over the festive season with her time off. Ask her out before xmas, at most IMO. Also, you don't know, this girl may have her sights set on someone else you don't know of and you were just a lunchtime buddy. In saying this though, I know there are a couple of occasions over the years where the girl I was really keen on has broken up with her BF, and I gave her some space, didn't want to rush in and pounce on her. 2-3 weeks later I have caught up with her with the intention of asking her out, only to find out that she is seeing some new guy she just meet the other week. Sheeesh, they were single for a whole 1-2 weeks. The window of opportunity for some sweet girls can be so small.
Author mo mo Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 Ok I wanna give this a bump to the top and provide some more info. Nothing is official between us, obviously, but there are times where it seems like she has her guard down and says things that kinda sound like we are together already. For instance, one dude walked by her 3 times at work and checked her out all 3 times. I told her after she left, she just said "whatever". Then she asked, "does it bother you?" The other day I told her I was going out with my friends later that night and she said "go right ahead! that's fine" It was funny because it almost sounded like she was giving me permission. I wasn't asking for permission.. haha But yea, then there are times when I try to reach her outside of work, and it can be difficult. She doesn't always respond to texts and getting her on the phone is tough. Like I said, a lot of it has to do with different schedules, responsibilities, etc. But a man wonders sometimes, u know?
Author mo mo Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 You realize the communication should be a 2 way street, which it should be, still the breakup was just a little over a week ago...that's not long for her to get over the breakdown of a relationship unless she had already mentally checked out a long time beforehand. You said she broke up with the guy, so she wont exactly be devastated, still I think you should give her some time to process the loss of the relationship and also to just have a break from being accountable to someone. You don't have to have the same schedule to txt or email, that's the beauty of it. You are in her orbit and she knows you are fond of her. Did your work schedules just change? If not then keep having lunch with her to keep the attraction alive and keep doing what you were doing. Ask her what she is going to be doing over the festive season with her time off. Ask her out before xmas, at most IMO. Also, you don't know, this girl may have her sights set on someone else you don't know of and you were just a lunchtime buddy. In saying this though, I know there are a couple of occasions over the years where the girl I was really keen on has broken up with her BF, and I gave her some space, didn't want to rush in and pounce on her. 2-3 weeks later I have caught up with her with the intention of asking her out, only to find out that she is seeing some new guy she just meet the other week. Sheeesh, they were single for a whole 1-2 weeks. The window of opportunity for some sweet girls can be so small. I hear you about not wanting to wait too long cuz there could be someone else. I do worry about that, but I don't worry about it too too much because I am much different than most guys she knows and has dated. In fact, I knew she was attracted to me long before she broke up with her bf. That's part of the reason I threw the "we would be a great couple" thing out there. The other part is that I actually believe it. She's a really sweet and beautiful girl. She actually approached me around Thanksgiving to tell me she was considering breaking up with her now ex bf, and after that was when we really started to warm up. Still though, I didn't ask her for her # or anything until I was sure she was gonna dump him, and I didn't actually call her until after she pulled the plug. So, because of all that, I know I am a great position to move in on her, and I am not really that worried about anyone else. That and the fact that she's a single mother, so she is very selective about who she opens up to.
Author mo mo Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 I honestly think she is trying to test my patience a little bit.
Seamless74 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I do feel that I am putting in all the effort to communicate with her, which leaves me wondering just how interested he is. Logic and the wise words I have read on this site tell me to just relax, but my feelings tell me she should try to put a little more effort to get in touch with me outside of work. Theres your answer..... I posted something on a thread awhile back about a girl i was working with that i was kinda interested in who had a live in boyfriend.. Long story short we flirted back and forth I backed off didnt really like the situation enter another guy at work who picked up where i left off.. Took her to lunch everyday, texted her constantly, went to bars and basketball games with her all at his expense.. even bought her things for he desk... A month later shes basically talked to her manager about how hes starting to scare her and put in sexual harrassment complaints,,, hell probably lose his job over it.. Trust me sometimes women give you all the signals that they might be interested at work because your kinda like their gay friend they can be themselves but dont have to worry about you making a move because of work.. Id take a pass on this one and look elsewhere...
Author mo mo Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Theres your answer..... I posted something on a thread awhile back about a girl i was working with that i was kinda interested in who had a live in boyfriend.. Long story short we flirted back and forth I backed off didnt really like the situation enter another guy at work who picked up where i left off.. Took her to lunch everyday, texted her constantly, went to bars and basketball games with her all at his expense.. even bought her things for he desk... A month later shes basically talked to her manager about how hes starting to scare her and put in sexual harrassment complaints,,, hell probably lose his job over it.. Trust me sometimes women give you all the signals that they might be interested at work because your kinda like their gay friend they can be themselves but dont have to worry about you making a move because of work.. Id take a pass on this one and look elsewhere... I really don't think she is trying to play me though. There is a genuine attraction. She was responding to all my calls, texts, and e-mails at first and things warmed up rapidly, but things have cooled down a little. The thing is, she's been in bad relationships, so while she was excited to get to know me at first, she started getting a little timid once she started developing some real feelings.
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