sophie_s Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 hello everybody i have been dating/seeing my new boyfriend for 2 months now and have some issues with this relationship where i would like to hear your advice/experience... i met the guy by chance through mutual friends at a party two months ago and it all started out with an one-night-stand, we were drunk and i was in the mood for some love, so we ended up at his place. i basically thought it was just a sex thing, but since we got along well and the sex was quite good, we repeated the whole thing again when we more or rather less accidentially (he know i would go to that club that night ) went to the same party 3 days later. the next day he called and asked me out for dinner, and I said yes, still aiming at a loose friends with benefits thing/affair rather than at a relationship. but as so often before (i guess i should finally accept that i unfortunately dont have the personality for unattached sex), i grew a little attached within a couple of weeks and since he was obviously looking for something more serious we started seeing each other on a regular, almost daily basis quite quickly... not that i've not been there before so i really enjoy the thing we have, he is the sweetest guy i have ever dated, basically - which i value very much - really treating me like a princess, being super attentive, caring, well in the end he just makes me feel good and valued, the sex is also very good and we just really enjoy being together i guess. so basically i could be very happy (and dont get me wrong i am happy right now), but as much as we seem to be compatible on (practical?) areas such as how often we want to see each other, how we spend time the getter, the mutual attraction both on a "friendship" level and on the physical level, in one thing we greatly differ - and i dont know how to say it without sounding arrogant - namely our (intellectual) interests... as vain as it might sound, i am just being honest about my feelings... it probably mostly has to do with the completly different ways we grew up/backgrounds - he is coming from a extremly poor family, dropped out from high school and now works some IT-job, also since he got to financially support his mother. tough i gotta say, he is very hard working definitly more than me . He grew up in front of the TV, strikingly speaking, books, arts,... was never a part of his environment and still isnt very much, though he really is way more open than the rest of his family, he also loves movies and music, so we share two common interests at least. In that area he is the complete opposite of all my ex-boyfriends, i always considered my "dream man" and expected my future boyfriend being rather intellectualy interested and also educated in that field. As stated above, i feel bad about writing the whole thing, but well it is an issue i got with this relationship. which was probably the reason i wanted to keep it light and a little unattached in the beginning, thinking we would be too different anyways (well, before the whole hormones or whatever kicked in ) so anyways, i decided to follow my heart and just see where our relationship will get us, but this worries are still a little there in my head, especially since - although he is very open for new things, i feel more aware than him regarding general knowledge and sometimes get a little annoyed by him being ignorant about things i regard as very important (current affairs, literature)... and i guess that unfortunately kind of involves feeling superior and to some degree looking down on him in this respect (sorry to speak so brutal, but i guess that relationship shows me, how intolerant i can be). but as stated above, everything else works perfectly and since he shows a lot of interest in the things i like (he joins me for museums, we make travelplans, although he never travelled very much,...), it so far doesnt really affect our relationship (expect for not talking on a deeper level about politics, arts,... and me thinking too much about it). but i am afraid it might become a bigger issue in the future... so, has anybody ever been in such a situation? did it work out? on which areas to you have to be compatible in order for a good relationship in your opinion? how can i avoid getting this ugly "looking down on him"-feelings that i not often but occasionally get? if you would have asked me 3 months ago, i would probably have considered that things as a dealbreaker, but since i am in love now, i naturally have to question that again i hope i dont sound to arrogant, but i thought this anonymous forum would be an adequate place to discuss these things, without making him bad in front of my friends thanks for reading! and sorry for spelling mistakes, but i am not a native speaker
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 but as stated above, everything else works perfectly and since he shows a lot of interest in the things i like (he joins me for museums, we make travelplans, although he never travelled very much,...), it so far doesnt really affect our relationship (expect for not talking on a deeper level about politics, arts,... and me thinking too much about it). but i am afraid it might become a bigger issue in the future... so, has anybody ever been in such a situation? did it work out? on which areas to you have to be compatible in order for a good relationship in your opinion? how can i avoid getting this ugly "looking down on him"-feelings that i not often but occasionally get? if you would have asked me 3 months ago, i would probably have considered that things as a dealbreaker, but since i am in love now, i naturally have to question that Opposites can be some of the best relationships so long as you choose to use one another to grow together. Learn to love and enjoy his interests and he yours. Otherwise it won't work well. Make sure there is balance. Also... you cannot love someone you don't respect. Some guys can make it work... but I've never met a woman that can. On a side note... you should not expect him to have deep talks about art and literature. The guys that sit around talking about that tend to be pudwackers in my not so humble opinion.
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