OOReeee Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Hey guys, hope your monday is going well. I need an advice. I've been seeing this girl for about a month. Both of us are 26, professionals. We've been having quite the excessive relationship. We saw each other every day, hung out a lot, spent the night at each others a lot, and verbally expressed our feelings a lot. I got really sick a few days ago, lost my voice, fever, all that nasty stuff. Despite that, I went out with her for stuff she wanted to do both wednesday and thursday night. on friday night I stayed at her place, but while she went out I couldn't, and I stayed home sick in bed. On saturday I was able to go out in the afternoon, but as the evening came I just felt horrible and told her I have to go to my own apartment to recover because I want to feel better. On sunday, she had her final show at her improv class, and although I really wanted to go, I knew it wasn't a good idea because I still felt like crap. I told her I want to go but she said I should sleep, and so I did. Afterwards I texted her "how was it?" and she texted back "good." I sensed something wasn't fine so I asked her what's up and she said she was really sad I didn't come and it would have meant a lot to her if I showed up. I texted her (I could still barely talk so I didn't want to call) that it's not fair for her to do that because she knows I was sick and I also wanted to go. Then she said "it's fine, good night" I said "want to hang out tomorrow night?" and she said "we'll see" I didn't want to cling but I decide to gchat her today to ask her how she is and she said she can't talk she's going to lunch (never happened before). I'm not quite sure what to do now, this whole thing has been kind of odd, especially because it turned form good to mysterious so quickly. Please help! Thanks!!!
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I got really sick a few days ago, lost my voice, fever, all that nasty stuff. Despite that, I went out with her for stuff she wanted to do both wednesday and thursday night. on friday night I stayed at her place, but while she went out I couldn't, and I stayed home sick in bed. You first mistake. You were sick and over did it..wanted to please her, be with her. Did she appreciate the fact you spent two days running around to make her happy? My guess is no. Then, Friday you stayed in, needing to rest and sleep. Then you pushed yourself again, ended up feeling awful..Again. Bottomline is, she is being selfish and is putting the guilt trip on you. Let's see how she feels when she is sick with a fever and all, and you want to take her out with you for 2 days, running around. My guess is, she won't do that for you.
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Oh, if she breaks up with you over this, then it just shows how selfish and unappreciative she is.
D-Lish Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Honestly, I'd see this as a red flag! You were sick, and instead of being understanding, she thought only of herself and how your illness affected her. Her behaviour indicates she's prone to being selfish, needy and demanding. I would probably see this type of behaviour as a deal breaker, especially so early on! She's showing you her true colours pretty early on. She's basically punishing YOU FOR BEING SICK! That's pretty brutal! You have no control over getting sick. I've only been seeing my guy for 6 weeks or so, and if he got really sick, I'd have nothing but understanding and compassion for his situation. If I were you, I wouldn't go chasing after her for another date! She's the one choosing to be incredibly insensitive and bitchy towards you. Don't chase her after this. If you do, you're just letting her know she can get away with this kind of behaviour- furthermore, you'd be letting her know this kind of behaviour is okay with you.
sadintexas Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 Rapid mood swings, hoping you're a mind reader (i.e. telling you to get sleep when she really wanted you to go), and punishing you because you're sick and couldn't do what she wanted you to (despite what she said in the first place)? RED FLAGS No, correction...MAJOR RED FLAGS. If you want to keep going forward with her, IMO the best thing you can do is not feed into the bull$hit. If she gets a reaction this way then she'll keep utilizing those tactics (assuming she's just manipulative). If she keeps on, then it's more ingrained than just manipulation, in which case, RUN.
creighton0123 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 It sounds like she understands that you were sick, but was sad you weren't able to make it to her performance. I'd rest up, give her a few days, and do something nice so both of you can make up for it.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 16, 2010 Posted December 16, 2010 I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say that you MAY be overreacting to this. She expressed she was sad and wished you would have showed up. I don't think she was giving you a guilt trip per say, just that she was disappointed that you couldn't come. If I were here, I would have followed the statement up with a little "..but I understand you were sick and I want you to get better." I mean YOU were the one who said you wanted to go, and she told you not to. So why are you mad? Did she push you or pressure you to come out with her even though you were sick? It wasn't really clear in your post whether she did that, but you were a willing participant in all this. You could have said no to her, you could have stayed home that entire time and not pushed yourself to the limit. If I were you, I would tell her you were sorry you couldn't come to her performance and plan some romantic dinner (a surprise) when you feel better. If she doesn't want to work things out THEN I would see that as a red flag. It just sounds like a stupid disagreement to me...
Template Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I mean YOU were the one who said you wanted to go, and she told you not to. So why are you mad? Did she push you or pressure you to come out with her even though you were sick? It wasn't really clear in your post whether she did that, but you were a willing participant in all this. You could have said no to her, you could have stayed home that entire time and not pushed yourself to the limit. I agree what everyone is saying, and I kind of see where LB82 is coming from, however (caveat: w/o actually being there), she did say no. I don't think he's mad, probably frustrated and confused like many guys would. Honestly though, if a person is sick, and still trying to make someone else happy - is that not enough for appreciation? I don't think it's a statement of expectation. Hard to call on this one, however, I do agree that it is a red flag to consider - ask yourself this, with this exhibition; if it were a life/death situation, would this be a person you can really count on?
BS76 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 I'm not quite sure what to do now, this whole thing has been kind of odd, especially because it turned form good to mysterious so quickly. Please help! Thanks!!! Disappear and completely cut communication with her for 2 days. When you resume contact pretend nothing happened. Let her sweat for a while and miss you and get that sense of loss. It's a nifty way of resetting the feelings she has towards you which is that you're getting kinda clingy and a pushover. Keep in mind her acting this way is revelation of some pretty telling character flaws on her part.
sfranks1492 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 wow, how selfish. I'd get out while I could NOW. You were sick. It is rediculous. She was more concerned about her selfishness than about your well being. that is not someone who will likely change....and if she gets this bent out of shape over you being ill imagine how she deals and copes with bigger issues.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 27, 2010 Posted December 27, 2010 Disappear and completely cut communication with her for 2 days. When you resume contact pretend nothing happened. Let her sweat for a while and miss you and get that sense of loss. It's a nifty way of resetting the feelings she has towards you which is that you're getting kinda clingy and a pushover. Keep in mind her acting this way is revelation of some pretty telling character flaws on her part. This would be a good idea..if you are 12. These are just manipulative mind games. OPEN communication is what is most appropriate here, tell her how you feel, that you were upset at her reaction, that you wanted to be there but were sick. Being pig headed and stubborn is not going to help you in this situation, and neither is pretending nothing happened. Communication is so important in a relationship, practice makes perfect!
BS76 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 This would be a good idea..if you are 12. These are just manipulative mind games. OPEN communication is what is most appropriate here, tell her how you feel, that you were upset at her reaction, that you wanted to be there but were sick. Being pig headed and stubborn is not going to help you in this situation, and neither is pretending nothing happened. Communication is so important in a relationship, practice makes perfect! This is a good example of women saying one thing and responding another. Sure it sounds manipulative, but it's what works. No matter how dumb or "ikky" something sounds, if it works then it's a good idea. Never argue with results, because in the real world that's what actually separates the "have" and "have not's".
Karma20 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 When I was younger I use to things like that. I know it's wrong but I was young. Believe you did nothing wrong. I use to do it to make them feel bad and give me reassurance on how they felt. Almost test them to see if they really cared or not.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 This is a good example of women saying one thing and responding another. Sure it sounds manipulative, but it's what works. No matter how dumb or "ikky" something sounds, if it works then it's a good idea. Never argue with results, because in the real world that's what actually separates the "have" and "have not's". It doesn't work in the long run. Pretending "nothing happened" and manipulating your partner isn't very healthy IMO. And just because something "works" DOESN'T mean it's a good idea. Continuing to drink or use drugs gets rid of withdrawal symptoms, is it a good idea to continue to do these things? In the "real world" this type of thinking is what turns people into addicts.
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