J0N Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 This is my story about NC. About 60 days ago, both me and a good friend of mine broke up with our girlfriends, who we were both very serious with and had been dating for a long time (Me 2 years, him 2.5 years). Both of our girlfriends gave us the same basic story, they still care about us but want other things etc. We were both very, very upset. I just want to point out one main difference between the two scenarios; I started reading people’s posts about NC and walking away. So I did just that, immediately after the breakup. I gave her, her stuff back, and wrote her one last note that said I do not regret our time together, that she will always hold a place in my heart, she was a great person, but I was going to step back for a while, until things had blown over and maybe/hopefully we could be friends again sometime in the future. I was nice and polite; I made absolutely no attempt to get back at her or anything. I removed her from my phone, got rid of photos, gifts, etc, and blocked her from my FB. I have not talked to her since. It has been a roller coaster ride but I have to say that I am doing better every day. My friend thought what I was doing was very childish and said that they were going to remain friends. He kept talking to her, texting her, and checking her profile on FB. After a couple weeks, he began to notice that I wasn’t as down as he was and that I was feeling better about everything. I tried to tell him it was because I had made the decision to move on with my life. He would say “Come on dude, she has been a major part of my life for almost 4 years I can’t just stop talking to her.” “I still really care about her, she will realize she is making a mistake.” Etc. Well, I hate to say it but she eventually removed him on FB, when he called her to ask her why she eventually broke down and told him that she had been seeing someone else, and she was moving on. She also asked him to stop calling her; he kept calling her so eventually she had AT&T block his number. He basically went nuts, this happened a couple weeks ago, and started going out every night drinking for about a week. I told him that he had to stop and I had to make multiple trips to the bars to pick him up because he was too drunk to drive home. The other night he said that now that he isn’t talking to her anymore, he is finally starting to see the reason why I went NC, yes it may be a little harsh but it is absolutely necessary to getting over a breakup. He has agreed to stop drinking alone, and to call me or somebody else when he is feeling down. I thought I would write this to emphasize how important NC is not only to getting over somebody but also maintaining your sanity at the same time. I also want to say that I am not trying to be self-righteous, and say how great I am I just thought that this could help others think twice before calling their ex. NC is really, really difficult at first but It is absolutely necessary to moving forward with your life in a healthy way.
stopthemadness Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 This is my story about NC. About 60 days ago, both me and a good friend of mine broke up with our girlfriends, who we were both very serious with and had been dating for a long time (Me 2 years, him 2.5 years). Both of our girlfriends gave us the same basic story, they still care about us but want other things etc. We were both very, very upset. I just want to point out one main difference between the two scenarios; I started reading people’s posts about NC and walking away. So I did just that, immediately after the breakup. I gave her, her stuff back, and wrote her one last note that said I do not regret our time together, that she will always hold a place in my heart, she was a great person, but I was going to step back for a while, until things had blown over and maybe/hopefully we could be friends again sometime in the future. I was nice and polite; I made absolutely no attempt to get back at her or anything. I removed her from my phone, got rid of photos, gifts, etc, and blocked her from my FB. I have not talked to her since. It has been a roller coaster ride but I have to say that I am doing better every day. My friend thought what I was doing was very childish and said that they were going to remain friends. He kept talking to her, texting her, and checking her profile on FB. After a couple weeks, he began to notice that I wasn’t as down as he was and that I was feeling better about everything. I tried to tell him it was because I had made the decision to move on with my life. He would say “Come on dude, she has been a major part of my life for almost 4 years I can’t just stop talking to her.” “I still really care about her, she will realize she is making a mistake.” Etc. Well, I hate to say it but she eventually removed him on FB, when he called her to ask her why she eventually broke down and told him that she had been seeing someone else, and she was moving on. She also asked him to stop calling her; he kept calling her so eventually she had AT&T block his number. He basically went nuts, this happened a couple weeks ago, and started going out every night drinking for about a week. I told him that he had to stop and I had to make multiple trips to the bars to pick him up because he was too drunk to drive home. The other night he said that now that he isn’t talking to her anymore, he is finally starting to see the reason why I went NC, yes it may be a little harsh but it is absolutely necessary to getting over a breakup. He has agreed to stop drinking alone, and to call me or somebody else when he is feeling down. I thought I would write this to emphasize how important NC is not only to getting over somebody but also maintaining your sanity at the same time. I also want to say that I am not trying to be self-righteous, and say how great I am I just thought that this could help others think twice before calling their ex. NC is really, really difficult at first but It is absolutely necessary to moving forward with your life in a healthy way. Wow Thanks for posting that..The one who did and one who didnt.I have been in contact with my ex off and on for about a month and boy does it SUCK..Hes seeing someone else but its not working out. But cant matter to me and I know that. Well my head knows that but my heart needs to catch up. So if not only for my sanity, I really need to go N/C!! Thanks for the post. Its time for me to get over my break up too....
Author J0N Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 NC really does suck at first, but with time my thoughts and feelings for her have begun to fade. I would be lying if I said that this has been easy. Somebody said to me that you can only heal and move on once you get out of your own way, for me this was completely removing her from my life; at least until I have no feelings for her. I would imagine this will be around a year or two, she is moving to another city in a few months when she finishes grad school. To me this makes the possibility of us ever being friends again extremely slim, which makes me sad.
YellowShark Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 When you decide to go NC it allows you to heal. It gives you space to focus on yourself. It lets the wound close. When one doesn't go NC it is like ripping the scab off over and over and over again... therefore the wound never heals. That is why you healed at a different rate than you friend JON. And you are right, breaking up is hard to do, it's not easy at all. But it's so much more difficult if one keeps ripping the scab off repeatedly by checking the EX's Facebook, texting the EX, staying "friends" with the EX, and emailing the EX.
rhonian Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 I am one week into my NC. I was okay the first few days probably due to anger but one week in im just that...."WEAK"! I have implemented NC in an attempt to get my gf to "wake up" and understand that I have a voice in our relationship too. She is not ALWAYS right. I cannot be the one to ALWAYS run to her after an argument. My head is spinning wondering what she is thinking/feeling right now but I know I must stick to the NC. I ended the relationship last week when I walked out and I just wonder how NC works when Iam the one who walked out??? Anyway, thanks for your words.
IfiKnewThen Posted December 18, 2010 Posted December 18, 2010 i really liked all your personal signature quotes Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than risk hurting yourself by trying to put them back together. Do or do not, there is no try. "NC doesn't let you in the gates of Heaven, it let's you OUT the gates of Hell" Actions speak louder than words. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. going to have to try to remember them. i am proud tho of both you guys and very impressed with your friendship. you sound like 2 good men. God bless
Author J0N Posted December 18, 2010 Author Posted December 18, 2010 I really try to live by those, there comes a point when two people just realize that they are probably better off going their separate ways. Early in my break up somebody said you and your ex broke up because the relationship was broken. Some times it's better just to walk away. Trying to fix the unfixable will only result in disaster. My other quote I saw in Star Wars when I was a kid, I'm not a star wars geek or anything but I think when it comes to breaking up, and moving on you either do get over it or don't, you can't just try, you have to be 100% committed to it otherwise you will fail. Best of luck! Happy holidays!
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