Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Wow, what the **** am I even talking about. Forget I said anything, I'm just stressed out right now. Haha, it's ok! I'm sure you're just stressed out from living in NY.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 That's the thing: I don't think I am a "next best thing" sort of gal. When I find someone that I really like, I just stick with them. Which is probably why I'm the one who is always dumped. But, seriously, out of my group of friends here, women in the age range of 28-33, three are married, and the rest are single. I can easily count 10 single women over 30 who are successful, intelligent, funny, and very attractive, and despite going out a lot and being social, meeting men, going on dates, etc. they all have not been in a relationship for YEARS. One friend just moved back home. She was single for the last three years despite dating A LOT. She is very beautiful, so she had no shortage of men wanting to date her, but they all eventually broke up with her for whatever reason after a couple of months. Just a month back in her hometown, she landed herself a legit boyfriend! She said it wasn't until she left NYC that she realized how alpha and selfish the men were in NY. Lol PG, I don't expect you to have that, but that's practically most guys' mindset in term of living in nyc ( or most major cities for that matter). If you want a good quality guy, chances are, they're the ones that are already taken, or they're still hiding somewhere unseen. I always think the good quality men are the ones your friends know, and are the ones your friends set you up with. I think that's why I don't date friends' of friends? Or dating someone I know for that matter. Have any of your friends ever set you up?
Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Lol PG, I don't expect you to have that, but that's practically most guys' mindset in term of living in nyc ( or most major cities for that matter). If you want a good quality guy, chances are, they're the ones that are already taken, or they're still hiding somewhere unseen. I always think the good quality men are the ones your friends know, and are the ones your friends set you up with. I think that's why I don't date friends' of friends? Or dating someone I know for that matter. Have any of your friends ever set you up? It's true, I feel like at this age, all the single good men in my age range are not relationship material for the time being, or already taken. Honestly, all my friends say: "If i knew any good single guys, I would set you up, but I don't!" As in, they do know single men, but know that they should save me the trouble of even dating them in the first place! Do you go to school here?
xpaperxcutx Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 It's true, I feel like at this age, all the single good men in my age range are not relationship material for the time being, or already taken. Honestly, all my friends say: "If i knew any good single guys, I would set you up, but I don't!" As in, they do know single men, but know that they should save me the trouble of even dating them in the first place! Do you go to school here? I grew up in NYC actually and yes, I do go to school here. The reason I asked is because some of my best friends are in relationship with people they knew from friends or because they've been friends for a long time. It's also really weird as well because a friend that a friend introduced me to is also someone I actually see myself dating in the long run. But I haven't made the move because I don't like losing a good friend in the process should things not work out.
Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 I grew up in NYC actually and yes, I do go to school here. The reason I asked is because some of my best friends are in relationship with people they knew from friends or because they've been friends for a long time. It's also really weird as well because a friend that a friend introduced me to is also someone I actually see myself dating in the long run. But I haven't made the move because I don't like losing a good friend in the process should things not work out. Ah, gotcha. You are too young to settle down anyway. I really never thought I'd be so single the entire time I lived here! I'm 32 and just recently got dumped, and I'm just like, "I'm too old to be doing this in NYC anymore!" haha. I just don't have the energy to be quite frank.
Girlygirl1977 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I agree with what paper is saying. There is no easy answer. I think that's why I believe in trying to get out not necessarily to meet men but to expand your social circle. Because if you can make more new friends, they might know some new people you don't yet know. But if you see going out and being active with hobbies and events as only to actively meet men, then this is a more limiting method. I think even befriending older people is wise. Often they are married and they are more neutral. I was recently setup by a married woman who works in my industry who is a little more senior. So I think it's more openness in increasing your friendship circle which will help. Anyway, i think something new has to be tried bc going about it the old way is good but I think we have to try to think outside the box a bit too. Anyway I try not to be too negative because it can then come into your behavior and affect what you attract. So you can likely see that in my response - my focus on solutions. NY city can be tricky but it is also a unique place which is why i'm here.
Woggle Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Even if you do meet your future spouse in NYC it might not be a good thing. I met my ex wife in New York and finally met a great woman once I moved to New Jersey.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Ah, gotcha. You are too young to settle down anyway. I really never thought I'd be so single the entire time I lived here! I'm 32 and just recently got dumped, and I'm just like, "I'm too old to be doing this in NYC anymore!" haha. I just don't have the energy to be quite frank. Nah not old at all. 30s are the new 20s. Although you might find that dating can be tiring because you've done it for so long.
U1987 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Like I said, you're getting flings and dates; men find you attractive and are willing to take you out. I really don't understand what the problem is.
Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Nah not old at all. 30s are the new 20s. Although you might find that dating can be tiring because you've done it for so long. I don't think being in your 30s is old. And I've never really felt this way about NY until recently, but after being here for almost 10 years, I'm just tiring of the "on-the-go" lifestyle, and perhaps I want something a little easier and slower. And includes the realm of dating, perhaps.
NYCGirly Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Where are you planning on moving to? Either up to Westchester or Connecticut. I've grown tired of "the hunt." I'm exhausted of NYC dating. I need to live in a "little big city" where the pace is a lot slower and guys actually want to settle down before they hit 40. I figure it's the best of both worlds- if I miss the city I can always commute in and get the hell out when I'm done.
Feelin Frisky Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I'm a native of NYC. Just moved to Virginia Beach this year. Not only is NY tough because of the career focus and status but it is such a diverse population with so many languages and cultures. I always wondered what it might be like to live in a city where most people at least spoke the same language and there was some kinda combined pride in the city. But people are so busy in NY with millions of separate agendas that most seem to look at NY as a place to be passed through on the way somewhere else. It can be a lonely place--despite the numbers of people stacked on top of one another. In my apartment house on 89th St, I'd say 20% of the occupants spoke English as their first langauge. But unlike living in Spanish Harlem where I could at least say everyone was speaking Spanish, I couldn't tell you what the hell they were speaking. I know some of it was eastern European, some from the Asian sub-continent, some from the middle east etc. All we could do was nod a hello and that wasn't always returned based upon what their culture was. I love NY. But it can be a lonely place.
Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 (edited) It's not impossible to settle down with someone. I mean, it'll happen to you eventually. Even in NY. But in a place like NY, you have to go through the trenches before finding someone to settle down with. Since I'm in no mood to settle down, I'll continue to go out to these places or get invited to some party downtown and continue to get involved in the whirlpool. It's a jungle out there! I agree, it's not impossible to settle down, but it's been nine years -- I'm tired of being in the trenches! Also, this is a good quote from New York Magazine's issue, "Reasons To Love NY": "The psychological temperature of this city -- an energy, hunger, an unrest -- makes you want to work harder and harder. It's part of what makes you feel like a crazy person here, but it's also why you can't imagine being anywhere else." However, I don't know is that is a reason to "love" NY. haha. Edited December 14, 2010 by pandagirl
tincanman99 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 This is the mentality here. Everyone figures there is always someone better. Its a brutal mentality because people are looking to trade up. Its really a rat race. I grew up outside of NYC and we used to go in to occasionally party, meet girls, blah, blah. The infamous bridge and tunnel trash you hear about . That being said the city is a whole other animal. The pace of life is fast, $$$ are everything and people are cold and jaded. I have seen an incredible level of arrogance that is unwarranted. My advice to you is to move to NJ, CT or Westchester and get out of there. Nice guys like myself dont go into NYC except once in a while. Why would we? I would go to cocktail parties and watch all these clowns dressed up in Armani suits talking about their deals on Wall Street, their Bentleys, where they live, blah, blah. Yeah that might get you some women but do you really want to be involved with people that their world revolves around $$$. Its a pretentious place but if thats what you want than thats the place to be. Get out of there before it cuts our your soul.
Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Now to be fair, not ALL people here are like that. Not at all. I tend not to hang out in that kind of crowd. I'm much more of a downtown/Brooklyn kind of girl... dive bars, no velvet ropes. I think the main thing is that no one has TIME to get to know each other or to commit to ANYTHING. We're a very me-focused type of person. I swear, people here are the most non-commitment minded people ever! I think I've just outgrown that lifestyle at this point in my life, which is why I'm complaining about the dating scene here. haha.
VertexSquared Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Now to be fair, not ALL people here are like that. Not at all. I tend not to hang out in that kind of crowd. I'm much more of a downtown/Brooklyn kind of girl... dive bars, no velvet ropes. I think the main thing is that no one has TIME to get to know each other or to commit to ANYTHING. We're a very me-focused type of person. I swear, people here are the most non-commitment minded people ever! I think I've just outgrown that lifestyle at this point in my life, which is why I'm complaining about the dating scene here. haha. Out of curiosity, what kind of crowds do you hang out with? Where do you look when you are looking to date?
Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Out of curiosity, what kind of crowds do you hang out with? Where do you look when you are looking to date? I guess... I would call them "creative professionals"? Gosh, that's the thing, I rarely GO OUT anymore. Now that my friends and I are all older and busy with things other than drinking, when I do go out, it is with my friends, and I'm not out for the purpose of meeting guys. I'm out because I want to see and talk them. In my 20s, I met a bunch of lame artsy dudes, because I did go out more. When I got older, I started to online date. I tend to be attracted to creative, but intellectual people. I've dated graphic designers, architects, musicians, writers, etc. I'm also quite reserved in social settings.
Woggle Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I know this is a bit off topic but this thread makes me nostalgic about the old New York before Rudy changed everything.
VertexSquared Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I guess... I would call them "creative professionals"? Gosh, that's the thing, I rarely GO OUT anymore. Now that my friends and I are all older and busy with things other than drinking, when I do go out, it is with my friends, and I'm not out for the purpose of meeting guys. I'm out because I want to see and talk them. In my 20s, I met a bunch of lame artsy dudes, because I did go out more. When I got older, I started to online date. I tend to be attracted to creative, but intellectual people. I've dated graphic designers, architects, musicians, writers, etc. I'm also quite reserved in social settings. Haha, strange you mention this. Out of my circle of friends and acquaintances, the designers/architects/musicians/writers are probably the worst when it comes to relationship history.
Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 I know this is a bit off topic but this thread makes me nostalgic about the old New York before Rudy changed everything. Yeah, I wish I could've been here with NYC was dirtier and less Sex And The City-ized.
Author pandagirl Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Haha, strange you mention this. Out of my circle of friends and acquaintances, the designers/architects/musicians/writers are probably the worst when it comes to relationship history. Oh no. For real? LOL. Please describe, if possible. I think I need to date an elementary school teacher. haha.
Bogo123 Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I agree with the OP. Ive been here for 2 yrs and im dating someone now and its going well but im not getting my hopes up. Its been 4 months which is a record. Ive contemplated moving as well but I have a new job starting soon so it'll probably get worse. Less time to date as I get older and older.
NYCGirly Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 I know this is a bit off topic but this thread makes me nostalgic about the old New York before Rudy changed everything. Man I miss old NY. Give me NYC circa Dinkins/early Giuliani any day (minus the rampant crime).
VertexSquared Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Oh no. For real? LOL. Please describe, if possible. I think I need to date an elementary school teacher. haha. Again this is just out of my own circle, but my "creative-type intellectual" friends are usually pretty passive-aggressive in certain regards. Very avoidant of conflict to the point where they'll just shut people out. Some appear rather aimless in their dating desires, as if they don't really know what they're after. Goals are fairly vague on the whole in other facets of life. Your best bet, in my opinion, is to find someone very left-brained but with a creative flair. Lots of fun to be around, and yet they're usually much more logical and open in their communication style.
Woggle Posted December 15, 2010 Posted December 15, 2010 Man I miss old NY. Give me NYC circa Dinkins/early Giuliani any day (minus the rampant crime). I am a little young to have experienced that but living on the Lower East Side in the late 90s was great despite the fact that I was living in a rat hole. It's like LA with subways these days if you ask me. I picked the right time to move to NJ.
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