photojane Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 I am meeting with a lawyer today and I am scared, devastated and confused. I do not want this but he has left me with choice other to start protecting myself. I don't even know what to do there. I have questions but am I supposed to file for something? I dont want to. I love him and I want him to come home. That's it. Im just scared and wanted to get that out there.
PegNosePete Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Remember that a lawyer is not a counsellor. They are there to give legal advice, not to tell you what you're "supposed" to do. If you don't have things straight in your mind then you might want to see a counsellor (or make copious amounts of posts here ) first. Using your lawyer as "someone to talk to" will end up very expensive!
carhill Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Gather the pertinent information from your marriage, primarily related to children, assets and financials and have it available at your interview. A lawyer is a legal adviser. They are not counselors. They are not interested in the gyrations of an unhealthy marriage, barring suit in an at-fault jurisdiction for a marital fault, like infidelity, abuse, abandonment, etc. Stick to the essential facts and keep things simple. What do *you* want? If you want to file the initial lawsuit, here in Cali a FL-100, the lawyer can, if you retain him/her, get that done in a few days. You'll answer some simple questions and pay their retainer and the court filing fees and for service of legal process upon your spouse. Each jurisdiction is different. My Cali divorce was final about two months ago and I'm pretty well-versed with the process. Any questions? In order to successfully sue for marital termination, the lawsuit must be prosecuted/pursued. You can file and still 'work things out' and he can still come home. Anything can happen. What you'll be out is your time and the legal fees. If your income is low enough, you can get help with the filing and some other legal fees. There are also free resources available; for example, a local law school mediated our settlement and prepared the settlement agreement which we submitted to the court. We *agreed* on our income/asset division and saved thousands on legal fees. One potential. Good luck The first step is the hardest.
Author photojane Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 Im well aware that a lawyer is not a counselor. I have a therapist already. I have $$ and a business and property that needs to be protected while my husband is on his vacation from responsibility. And so I am seeing a lawyer. Just because I dont want to go and am scared, doesnt mean I shouldnt be going. I know I am doing the right thing. All I am saying is that I do not want any of this. I just want my husband. I dont want a divorce.
Surfer203 Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 photojane: You know.. I was in a very similar situation.. I had consulted my lawyer and had divorce papers drawn up. I did not want the divorce fully, I didn't want it to come to that. I had no other choice because my wife thought she made up her mind. Sure enough, she came back yesterday after 7 weeks. You just have to do what is right for the current situation - if things change they will change. Even if you guys get a divorce, who knows, you might get back one day in the future. But for now - do what is right at the moment.
carhill Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Sure, understand completely. I didn't want to divorce (my exW did, since counseling didn't help our intimacy) and had brought a magnitude of greater assets to the M than she had, including a business. This is exactly why a lawyer is a great adviser, fleshing out scenarios and legal strategies. For myself, he came up with a 'Plan B', this long before the divorce officially started, to protect myself and 'sour the milk' of a contested divorce. Just enough give and making the taking hard enough so taking wasn't tasty enough to pursue. If there's anything healthy between you and your H, divorcing won't change that. In fact, my exW and I probably treated each other better during the divorce than while we were married. That doesn't mean there's anything left between us. It just means we both made a healthy decision to end the marriage and see that health reflected in our behaviors. You can choose any way of processing your feelings and any path to resolving your marriage. Seeing a lawyer today changes none of it. Perhaps it's only when you've been to the end of the process that all the steps become more clear. Many potentials. Many choices. One day at a time.
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