Lucky555 Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 The guy told me his sexual wants.he wants to have anal. He feels that he has not tried this and wants to. Where does he get this idea? I suspect from watching porn. Now I know men like porn but I don't like it an I don't think it's something I want to get into. Now second question. This guy and I are pretty close. But when I ask him what he wants he basically tells me if sex isn't good it will be over. Is this even right to say? I know he is being honest but he basically is saying he will "maybe" be in a relationship if sex is good. The guy told me relationships have a high chance of not working out but he wants to take a chance to see "where this goes". I understand no one wants bad sex but he is basing the whole relationship on it! Now all men I have dated wanted a relationship prior to sex. I am confused is this guy wrong.
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Whoa whoa whoa...you're not even in a relationship and he's trying to pressure you into trying that? Beyond the obvious risk for STD's, which is higher than that of vaginal intercourse, anal sex is a potentially painful and dangerous activity. It's important for the woman to have total, complete trust in the guy in that he's not going to move too fast, go at a pace that's comfortable for her, and stop if she wants to. The idea of trying this (especially for the first time) with a man who won't even commit to a relationship with me would be out of the question.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 Whoa whoa whoa...you're not even in a relationship and he's trying to pressure you into trying that? Beyond the obvious risk for STD's, which is higher than that of vaginal intercourse, anal sex is a potentially painful and dangerous activity. It's important for the woman to have total, complete trust in the guy in that he's not going to move too fast, go at a pace that's comfortable for her, and stop if she wants to. The idea of trying this (especially for the first time) with a man who won't even commit to a relationship with me would be out of the question. Ya I told i don't want to at all. It's not something I'm into. I think he is just getting in his head because he does watch a lot of porn. I'm not into porn because I really want it to be about the relatioonship like he will take action to try to meet my needs I see porn as ruining that. I would do the same for him.
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Okay, after taking a look at some of your other threads about this guy, porn is NOT the problem. HE is the problem. He's made it inherently obvious through his actions that he doesn't want to commit to a relationship with you. He just wants sex and that's it. It doesn't matter if he uses typical circumventing bullsh*t like "let's just see where things go..." because actions speak louder than words. And his actions are saying, "I do not want an exclusive relationship with you, I just want sex, and additionally, I want to see what kinds of things I can get you to do." His actions are speaking loud and clear. Why are you even interested in this guy? Move on. You're not going to get the emotional bond you're craving from him.
somedude81 Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Wow, the title of this thread is very misleading. I was expecting you to tell us something about a boyfriend who thinks he watches too much porn and possibly wants help. But it's really about a guy who you're not in a relationship with, that wants to have anal. With that addressed kiss andmakeup is right. Ditch him.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 Okay, after taking a look at some of your other threads about this guy, porn is NOT the problem. HE is the problem. He's made it inherently obvious through his actions that he doesn't want to commit to a relationship with you. He just wants sex and that's it. It doesn't matter if he uses typical circumventing bullsh*t like "let's just see where things go..." because actions speak louder than words. And his actions are saying, "I do not want an exclusive relationship with you, I just want sex, and additionally, I want to see what kinds of things I can get you to do." His actions are speaking loud and clear. Why are you even interested in this guy? Move on. You're not going to get the emotional bond you're craving from him. I like your straight forward answer. I have known this guy for quite sometime. I have talked to a friend and she said this was normal to "try things out" before him committing to anything. This is partly why im confused. the pluses is he has been attentive, he doesn't cheat, and he isn't seeing anyone else. He has invited me out but i was unable to a few times. I am very comfortable with this guy. However, i feel as though he and I don't do enough enjoyable things together because he doesn't have enough time. He has to work. He even has to work on weekends.The only time it seems we can get together is at night. I'm just trying to be cautious. I am with everyguy. This guy doesn't sleep around either.So basically he is committed in the sense that he won't see other people. However, i have not told him that we don't seem to do enough enjoyable things together. With other guys in the past I went to their soft ball game, movies, dinner, took walks on hiking trails, went to a museum, ect. With my last boyfriend it was so much fun we did a lot of things together that were virtually free! It was incredible! I hang out with his friends and everything but at the end it didn't work out because he wasn't ambitious enough. Sometimes i want to take all the qualities from all the men i have dated and put them together to make a perfect guy. like qualities from my last guys were this guy a: accent, fun, a gentleman, attentive, always looked into my eyes, always hugged me and kissed me, sensitive but i felt safe with him. guy b: same qualities as above guy c: same qualities as above But the thing about all these guys above is that they were not ambitious enough in life. They worked to just get by in life but that made them happy. I want a guy who is goal orientated. These guys had time many days of the week for me. They always initiated a relationship, bf/gf. This guy he doesn't have a lot of time, but he is very goal orientated. When he does have time he does show affection, we laugh, and its good. I just feel like I'm not getting enough time and fun with him. But i understand that he is very goal orientated and this is a quality i look for. Because he and i know eachother so well we talk about a lot of things. What i posted above is him being honest with me. I appreciate his honesty, im just so used to knowing what direction im going in. Like right now i feel as though I could end it or it go smoothly.I asked the guy if we are on the same page and he says we are and he understand what i want but i guess i want to know if he wants the same things. all he says is "see where things go" to me this is saying i will give it a chance but im not sure if its going to work out. So maybe as i have explained myself you all see my hesitancy with this guy. In the past the guys a, b, c all introduced me to their family members too. Prior to even having a physical relationship. The new guy has not done this. I have met his friends. I am posting a lot because i want to make sure the steps im taking are right. its like i feel i need to be careful as to not misinterpret what this guy wants or is saying. I know he saying he wants to sleep with me..all the guys do at some point. But with this guy he is like we need to see now if it works out physically. I feel like this is not how i operate. I feel like i need someone who wants a girlfriend and is serious about me. maybe thats what i need to ask. I feel like he doesn't give solid answers its always grey and i like straight forward answers.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 Wow, the title of this thread is very misleading. I was expecting you to tell us something about a boyfriend who thinks he watches too much porn and possibly wants help. But it's really about a guy who you're not in a relationship with, that wants to have anal. With that addressed kiss andmakeup is right. Ditch him. well during the time i asked him what his desires were. he didn't just come out and say it. we were discussing and he didn't say i had to he just said it was something he had in mind but didn't know why and i think its all because of porn.
somedude81 Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 well during the time i asked him what his desires were. he didn't just come out and say it. we were discussing and he didn't say i had to he just said it was something he had in mind but didn't know why and i think its all because of porn. That makes sense. If it weren't for porn, I wouldn't even know that people had anal sex. I certainly have no natural desire to try the other hole. So from reading your posts, it seems you talked about sex and what he wants. He mentioned that he would like to try anal. Are you two dating, slept together yet?
kiss_andmakeup Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 I like your straight forward answer. I have known this guy for quite sometime. I have talked to a friend and she said this was normal to "try things out" before him committing to anything. This is partly why im confused. the pluses is he has been attentive, he doesn't cheat, and he isn't seeing anyone else. He has invited me out but i was unable to a few times. I am very comfortable with this guy. However, i feel as though he and I don't do enough enjoyable things together because he doesn't have enough time. He has to work. He even has to work on weekends.The only time it seems we can get together is at night. I'm just trying to be cautious. I am with everyguy. This guy doesn't sleep around either.So basically he is committed in the sense that he won't see other people. However, i have not told him that we don't seem to do enough enjoyable things together. With other guys in the past I went to their soft ball game, movies, dinner, took walks on hiking trails, went to a museum, ect. With my last boyfriend it was so much fun we did a lot of things together that were virtually free! It was incredible! I hang out with his friends and everything but at the end it didn't work out because he wasn't ambitious enough. Sometimes i want to take all the qualities from all the men i have dated and put them together to make a perfect guy. like qualities from my last guys were this guy a: accent, fun, a gentleman, attentive, always looked into my eyes, always hugged me and kissed me, sensitive but i felt safe with him. guy b: same qualities as above guy c: same qualities as above But the thing about all these guys above is that they were not ambitious enough in life. They worked to just get by in life but that made them happy. I want a guy who is goal orientated. These guys had time many days of the week for me. They always initiated a relationship, bf/gf. This guy he doesn't have a lot of time, but he is very goal orientated. When he does have time he does show affection, we laugh, and its good. I just feel like I'm not getting enough time and fun with him. But i understand that he is very goal orientated and this is a quality i look for. Because he and i know eachother so well we talk about a lot of things. What i posted above is him being honest with me. I appreciate his honesty, im just so used to knowing what direction im going in. Like right now i feel as though I could end it or it go smoothly.I asked the guy if we are on the same page and he says we are and he understand what i want but i guess i want to know if he wants the same things. all he says is "see where things go" to me this is saying i will give it a chance but im not sure if its going to work out. So maybe as i have explained myself you all see my hesitancy with this guy. In the past the guys a, b, c all introduced me to their family members too. Prior to even having a physical relationship. The new guy has not done this. I have met his friends. I am posting a lot because i want to make sure the steps im taking are right. its like i feel i need to be careful as to not misinterpret what this guy wants or is saying. I know he saying he wants to sleep with me..all the guys do at some point. But with this guy he is like we need to see now if it works out physically. I feel like this is not how i operate. I feel like i need someone who wants a girlfriend and is serious about me. maybe thats what i need to ask. I feel like he doesn't give solid answers its always grey and i like straight forward answers. So...you guys are in an exclusive relationship? I'm very confused. Oh, and FWIW, lots of people watch porn and still have the ability to create and maintain healthy relationships (myself and my boyfriend included). I don't think this guy's porn habits really have much to do with anything.
Author Lucky555 Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 So...you guys are in an exclusive relationship? I'm very confused. Oh, and FWIW, lots of people watch porn and still have the ability to create and maintain healthy relationships (myself and my boyfriend included). I don't think this guy's porn habits really have much to do with anything. yes we are exclusive. I know sometimes i dont explain myself more so people don't quite get the whole picture. Sorry about that. But i think i just figured out what im missing. I'm missing what the other guys were giving me, enjoyable fun, and lots of time. I have to talk to this guy now and say what im missing. I feel like even if we click physically I'm still missing the part of doing something which is going to require him to schedule it in and if he can't do this then its not going to work. Also if anything regarding him and what he says sounds wrong let me know im taking advise.
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