Crazy Magnet Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 When I said "relationship," I didn't mean in the romantic sense. You have an interpersonal "relationship" with everyone you interact with. Whether while in a romantic relationship or after it ends, I don't believe in vengeance or retribution. I particularly don't believe in taking joy out of hurting others, regardless of the circumstances. I was quite aware of the bolded part from your posts which proceeded that one. That is what I find very scary and troubling. Your goal was to hurt him. You succeeded. But how did you grow and become a better person by doing that? There are a lot of feelings in this world. When we stop experiencing the broad spectrum is when we stop learning and growing. She felt angry and under that I bet she felt hurt. Why should anyone chastise her for feeling either one of those things and acting on them? I think it would have been a lot less productive had she sat there and taken it like a Stepford Wife. TA is not a doormat nor should she act like one. He contacted her to relieve his own guilt on her. Damn skippy she should let him have it. She doesn't owe him a thing. What did he expect, a cookie? :sick::sick:
Star Gazer Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 There are a lot of feelings in this world. When we stop experiencing the broad spectrum is when we stop learning and growing. She felt angry and under that I bet she felt hurt. Why should anyone chastise her for feeling either one of those things and acting on them? I am certainly not chastising her for how she FELT. But if we all acted on our emotions the way she did here, well... The world would be an even scarier place. And no, he didn't deserve a cookie. But this behavior isn't good for her own well-being. "Oh, f**k off!" would have been sufficient. But intentionally hurting him, and enjoying it? What good comes from that? Saying what did she was okay is dangerous. I guess we all handle these things differently. I would have hoped TA would have shown a little more class.
Author tigressA Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 There are a lot of feelings in this world. When we stop experiencing the broad spectrum is when we stop learning and growing. She felt angry and under that I bet she felt hurt. Why should anyone chastise her for feeling either one of those things and acting on them? I think it would have been a lot less productive had she sat there and taken it like a Stepford Wife. TA is not a doormat nor should she act like one. He contacted her to relieve his own guilt on her. Damn skippy she should let him have it. She doesn't owe him a thing. What did he expect, a cookie? :sick::sick: Thanks, CM, but that's not really SG's point. She just disagrees with my desire to inflict hurt on him. It's not that I should've just sat there and taken it. I could've lashed out the same way WITHOUT feeling the desire to hurt him and taking pleasure in the pain I inflicted, at least consciously.
Star Gazer Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Thanks, CM, but that's not really SG's point. She just disagrees with my desire to inflict hurt on him. It's not that I should've just sat there and taken it. I could've lashed out the same way WITHOUT feeling the desire to hurt him and taking pleasure in the pain I inflicted, at least consciously. Exactly right, TA. While it still wouldn't have been the best thing in the world to do, lashing out in response to your own hurt would have been understandable - a sort of in the heat of passion defense. But here it was more calculated, intentional and deliberate. THAT is what worries me. Not what you did, but why.
Star Gazer Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 The other thing, TA... in showing as much vitriol as you did, you showed passion. You showed him that you care. Next time consider that showing (even if it means acting) that you don't care often serves up the same result (a bruised ego), without any negative impact on your character.
Author tigressA Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 (edited) Oh, I know exactly what I showed. I wanted him to know that I cared. I usually go with the classy non-reaction even though it can be difficult for me, but as I said, I had a different goal in mind this time. All I could think of was what I went through at his hands--what I allowed myself to be subjected to. The tears I shed...I wanted to be the cause of his tears. And I wanted to see them. That was all I wanted after all that had happened. I don't think there was any negative impact on my character. Anyone he could tell about what I said I don't care to ever associate with, and I don't care about what he himself thinks of me. Edited December 13, 2010 by tigressA
LondonS Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 Just let it go babe, for all its worth, he is probably sitting there and enjoying how angry the whole thing is making you. Love or Hate, both are emotions...what really would hurt him is your silence and indifference !! Seriously just write him off and date a few more people. You need peace for your own benefit
Author tigressA Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 Oh, I did write him off. There hasn't been any contact since Saturday, and if he ever does try to contact me again I won't respond to it. I let go of it all once it was over. I was just posting about what happened. I was pissed in the middle of it but since it's been done I've been cool...almost like it never happened.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 You wrote him off, eh? After continuous emails banishing him to the depths of hell? This quote from your OP makes me think you hadn't, "I suspected there was a reason behind it, and being curious...I responded." Seems like you wanted and apology or ego stroke, and you lost it when you realized that he was looking for the same thing, and still doesn't give a **** about you. You come off to me as being very insecure and not over it, if he can drive you into a manic state like that, especially when he's got you trying to meet him to do physical harm. I think you should take some alone time for yourself, and before you jump back into dating. Imagine what one of your multiple new dates, saw you flip like that.
Author tigressA Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 It's been two days since then. I cut him off after his last response. As for looking for an apology or an ego stroke...he did apologize profusely for treating me the way he did, and he did try to stroke my ego--saying I deserved so, so, so much better than him, that I'm one of the most honest people he's known and he's always appreciated that (don't know where that came from), whilst confessing to what he did. I never claimed to be "over it". I was hurt, I lashed out, went "manic", but it was more from a desire to hurt him the way he had hurt me than anything else--and it worked. Much of it was calculated. I thought of everything I could to hit him where it hurt, and I used it all.
Star Gazer Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 I don't think there was any negative impact on my character. Anyone he could tell about what I said I don't care to ever associate with, and I don't care about what he himself thinks of me. Interesting. I tend to carry myself as though the world is watching, including current family and friends, and future friends and boyfriends. I want to have pride in describing how I have handled life's speed bumps. If a guy you were interested in asked what your last interaction with your ex was like, would you be fully honest?
Author tigressA Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Interesting. I tend to carry myself as though the world is watching, including current family and friends, and future friends and boyfriends. I want to have pride in describing how I have handled life's speed bumps. If a guy you were interested in asked what your last interaction with your ex was like, would you be fully honest? Yeah, I would. I have been honest about similar episodes before--like in my senior year of high school when I menaced a guy I had a mutually hateful relationship with for years. In front of roughly a dozen other people, including a teacher, I brandished an X-Acto knife and told him he should take it and off himself because no one would miss him.
Star Gazer Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Yeah, I would. I have been honest about similar episodes before--like in my senior year of high school when I menaced a guy I had a mutually hateful relationship with for years. In front of roughly a dozen other people, including a teacher, I brandished an X-Acto knife and told him he should take it and off himself because no one would miss him. Would you be honest about your behavior as a grown adult versus a high schooler??
Author tigressA Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 (edited) Would you be honest about your behavior as a grown adult versus a high schooler?? As I already said, I have been, and that wouldn't ever change. Episodes like this one have been very, very scarce since I was in high school, so I don't see a reason to lie about them if asked. I've even volunteered them on a few occasions, during very deep, personal conversations. If they judged me negatively based on those few episodes among the majority that I've handled gracefully...oh well. I haven't had any guy view me unfavorably/reject me after I was honest about those things. Edited December 14, 2010 by tigressA
Star Gazer Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 That's really surprising to me. I would have a very hard time moving forward with someone with a propensity to react this way. But of course I'm not the guys you've been dating.
Author tigressA Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 I'm just so awesome otherwise; that's it really.
Author tigressA Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 I just wrote him on Skype. I said, "I was cruel in the way I responded to you telling me what you did. I don't appreciate at all that you told me; I thought it was very classless and served only to hurt me and selfishly relieve your own guilt, but I apologize for being unnecessarily harsh with you. I could've handled it better and I didn't; I'm sorry for that. And with that I take my leave of you for good. I don't wish to hear from you ever again, and in turn I will not be contacting you. Have a nice life." Then I uninstalled Skype.
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