OceanGirl Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 I recently went on a couple of dates with someone. He is very nice and all but I am simply not attracted to him. There is no physical spark - I just do not find him good looking at all. He is very keen. He has sent me a long text wishing me happy birthday few days ago - I haven't responded. Then he sent me another one last night asking me how my conference talk went and if I am home yet so that he can take me out. I haven't responded again and am in fact back home. I don't want to be a b%iatch about this. Should I text him back and say that there is no spark or should I just keep up with no response?
anne1707 Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Imagine if the situation was reversed - what would you want him to do if he wanted to end things?
Author OceanGirl Posted December 11, 2010 Author Posted December 11, 2010 Imagine if the situation was reversed - what would you want him to do if he wanted to end things? I would want him to "end" it. However telling the truth, that there is no spark (i.e. I don't find him attractive) may be too harsh?
Thierro Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 (edited) Should I text him back and say that there is no spark or should I just keep up with no response? Why am I hearing this complete BS all the time? Is it so hard for people to be upfront? It's just mindblowing that a lot of people even think about doing stuff like that. Respect yourself and the guy and tell the truth. However telling the truth, that there is no spark (i.e. I don't find him attractive) may be too harsh? Yeah, you are spot on. Just ignore the guy completely; not harsh at all. People that do things like this are self-centered and should get their act together. Edited December 11, 2010 by Thierro
Surrealist Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Just be tactful about it. What if you met someone with a head like a smashed crab? Would you tell them, hey I'm not interested in you because I'm not attracted to you because you have a head like a smashed crab? Hopefully not! You could just say, thank you for the texts, the dates (whatever) I am just not interesting in pursuing anything further with you. You know, just be tactful and clear.
EricaH329 Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 You know, just be tactful and clear. Exactly. Imagine yourself in his position. How would you want someone to approach you about it?
youngskywalker Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 OG, the most kind hearted way for you to let this guy down is to tell him the truth. Guys really appreciate this... honestly we do. Don't forget we have hearts and feelings too. I don't know if I would tell him you're not attracted to him. That might make him feel bad about himself. What you can do is lighten it up a little but for sure be very direct that you're not interested in him and it will NEVER happen romantically. There are dozens of good reasons why people are not able to connect romantically. Maybe your ex just called you the other day and you decided to reconcile things with him. See where I'm going with this?
somedude81 Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 While the issue may be over already; I agree with skywalker. Telling him, "Sorry, I'm just not interested" is the best thing you can do. Ignoring somebody is meaner. I don't care if guys do the same thing, that doesn't make it any less worse.
reservoirdog1 Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 I recommend telling him that you "just don't feel a spark". That isn't anybody's fault -- it's just the way it is. You're not blaming him for it (which is how he'd interpret "I'm not attracted to you"). If he's an idiot, he'll inquire further and not just accept that. If he does, then you can move on to the lack of attraction.
Star Gazer Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 I recommend telling him that you "just don't feel a spark". That isn't anybody's fault -- it's just the way it is. You're not blaming him for it (which is how he'd interpret "I'm not attracted to you"). Agreed, 100%. Also, I'd you don't find a guy attractive at all (as is the case here), don't accept a second date!!
Author OceanGirl Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 As it turns out, I was preparing the "no spark" e-mail when he sent me "I have missed you" text (I was on a week long trip) I didn't respond and just hit the send on the e-mail. I guess he didn't get it because few hours later he has sent me another text full of abuse and "having no decency to even respond". I simply pointed him to the e-mail. I haven't heard anything since. I just wish that for once there could be a mutual attraction.
anne1707 Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 I just wish that for once there could be a mutual attraction. I just wish that for once there could be mutual respect
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