Lady Di Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 (edited) How long does it take to get past infidelity? How long does it take to get past hurtful words from the spouse that supposedly loved you, words that tears apart every ounce of self esteem you have?[/ Some studies say it takes two years for the brain to repair itself from a devastation or major depression. That’s if you have average support along the way. I’ve hit rock bottom 5 times in the past 6 years….and that doesn’t count the times of random events that have caused me to rethink the path of life or my mis-management of the choices I’ve made.[/ Cheating, lying, mental and physical abuse, threatening of life, possible fathering of someone else’s child, control and manipulation. Blaming me for his actions, words, and most importantly ….how he treats me Why do people like me struggle to leave someone who abuses them in so many ways? I take those special things and moments and make myself believe that I couldn’t have them with anybody else – and he reminds me of that. He also reminds me that I’ve been married before and I “would be a loser” if I failed again He’s a diagnosed Narcissist from a Psychiatrist – he (we) had to take tests (amongst other things) during a re-evaluation of child custody from my relocation to another state (overpriced home study) I posted 6 months ago when I went through my last rock bottom event. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t234153 I’ve tried everything I could to get through everything, but our troubles seem to be centered around “my hurt”…. how he can’t deal with what I’m going through. How he can’t deal with the pain and troubles that he’s caused. He has said things and reacted in frustration with instant isolation. His words… “I would rather have a pretend relationship than deal with the ups and downs.” He does spend time telling me he loves me and how much he wants everything to work, but he doesn’t do anything to make it happen. It seems if he’s happy, then he feels he’s doing right. My question..... How do you leave someone who gives you hope and shows some glimmer of progress every once in a while? This person is a text book Narcissist….I’ve read everything I could about it, but it doesn’t show me how to make things better. All it says is to leave What are the steps I need to take? I know he has it in him…deep down. Edited December 11, 2010 by Lady Di
YellowShark Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 How do you leave someone who gives you hope and shows some glimmer of progress every once in a while? This person is a text book Narcissist….I’ve read everything I could about it, but it doesn’t show me how to make things better. All it says is to leave. And that's the answer. He shall NEVER change. My EX was the same. She hasn't even apologized to me for cheating on me with a MM with a pregnant wife. In her eyes it wasn't bad what she did. In fact she denies it even happened even though I caught them in-the-act in our own home while her step son and I were sleeping inside. Sick huh? Why do people like me struggle to leave someone who abuses them in so many ways? My guess is because you are suffering from co-dependancy. Google it. Cheating, lying, mental and physical abuse, threatening of life, possible fathering of someone else’s child, control and manipulation. Blaming me for his actions, words, and most importantly ….how he treats me There is no way you deserve all that crap. You need to leave and regain your own life and self-esteem. He doesn't really care about you... he only cares about himself and what you can do for him... which is validate his narcissism. Additionally blaming you for his actions is called gaslighting.. Google it too. My EX ALSO did that. How long does it take to get past infidelity? How long does it take to get past hurtful words from the spouse that supposedly loved you, words that tears apart every ounce of self esteem you have? Everyone is different. Everyone heals at different rates. Once you go No Contact with him that is your first day of healing. Best of luck, you're not alone. Many of us here have been in your shoes.
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