Tony Porter: A Call to Men

[GooseChaser]

I found this video on the website called "Vital Speeches of the Day" (http://www.vsotd.com/). I thought it was good, and it has a positive message, so I wanted to share it!

 

 

At TEDWomen, Tony Porter makes a call to men everywhere: Don't "act like a man." Telling powerful stories from his own life, he shows how this mentality, drummed into so many men and boys, can lead men to disrespect, mistreat and abuse women and each other. His solution: Break free of the "man box."

 

This is related to dating because the mentality of men about their roles as men and the position of women in comparison to them is very important in determining how they treat them in and out of a relationship. It also impacts how they interact with other men.

 

Thoughts?

[pandagirl]

I did watch this today!

 

I think he's right, but most of that responsibility (to teach boys and young men to think outside the "man box") rests on parents and how they raise their child.

 

It was interesting watching his lecture, because a lot of it reminded me of my ex and how difficult it was for him to express emotion (other than anger) or know how to react to my emotions. It was like he was almost threatened by emotions. But, I've met his parents, and it makes sense why he is that way.

 

Also, young women are increasingly brought up and raised to believe they are a man's equal in terms of intellect, career, etc. We are raising confident, independent young women -- "male traits." However, I feel that parents do not teach young boys "female traits," like communication, emotionality, expression, etc.

 

Anyway, the whole point is yes, I think men possess certain traits that are simply inherent, but it's a shame that any man should feel embarrassed to cry or show emotional "weakness."

[Untouchable_Fire]

I found this video on the website called "Vital Speeches of the Day" (http://www.vsotd.com/). I thought it was good, and it has a positive message, so I wanted to share it!

This is related to dating because the mentality of men about their roles as men and the position of women in comparison to them is very important in determining how they treat them in and out of a relationship. It also impacts how they interact with other men.

Thoughts?

 

I watched it.

 

Do you realize the consequences of not fitting into that box? Do you think guys do this for fun?

 

It's great that he explains part of this for people, but he doesn't really talk about why it exists. Our fathers teach us what it means to be a man for a reason.

 

Besides... just as in his story, it's most often the boys without father figures that begin abusing women.

[TheBigQuestion]

Meh. He made a few good points but for the most part it comes across as typical P.C. "men are ugly monsters who can't show emotion and don't think twice about demeaning women" nonsense. Not to mention that this "man box" as he calls it is not indicative of how a majority of men act. A lot of it has to do with cultural backgrounds and attitudes towards such things as well as individual tendencies towards displays of emotion. Some people may be devastated but don't actually feel a need to cry. I've never seen my father cry, but I have seen him display negative emotions that aren't angry as well. This is not necessarily something deeply ingrained by socialization of men. These individuals might simply deal with their emotions best in other ways.

 

I'm also somewhat troubled by this message because it seems to be line with the self-esteem movement, i.e. constantly reassuring your children that they are fantastic people and indulging their every emotional whim, which is closely associated with the helicopter parenting phenomenon. This movement has already done enough damage by ensuring that people are completely unable to cope with challenge or adversity. Do you really want to foster an environment in which people are brought up to be even more soft and more spineless than they are today? I honestly wish I had grown up in an era when every kid didn't get a trophy and when every emotional outburst wasn't met with tolerance and understanding.

 

Maybe it's a cultural thing. Maybe it's a product of his specific upbringing in New York City. But men have never been more emasculated in the modern era than they are today, so I really fail to see the point of his discussion. Is everyone oblivious to the emo-kid/skinny jeans/ultra emotional/faux-artistic hipster phenomena that's plagued manhood for the past 7 years or so?

 

He frequently mentions the rate of violence against women at the hands of men, yet fails to mention that men are far more likely to be victims of violent crimes. This is funny because both he's presumably trying to make a point about how men interact with each other, yet completely drops the ball by omitting that fact in this case.

Edited December 11, 2010 by TheBigQuestion

[Woggle]

While I agree that a person's gender should not contrict them it comes across as a man hating his own gender and it ignores that both genders play a part in how things are today.