I would like some

[wish it was a dream]

It's been a month now since he broke up with me. He was my very first love and vice versa and we are both 20 years old. We were together 2 and half years.It was a long distance relationship. I never in a million years thought that he would do this, if anything I felt like I had all of the control in the relationship. We really got along well, there was such a bond between us one that I never thought would be broken.

 

Back in July I moved in with him we were living together for 3 and a half months. During this time I didn't have a job, and I was trying to go back to school. So towards the end of October I left to pursue school. It was 2 weeks after I left that he broke up with me. Ever since I came back home he was so distant from me, he just couldn't be bothered anymore. Then I get a text telling me it's over. He said he couldn't do it anymore, it was too much drama. He said I am not right for him, and that he found someone better than me. He said it was fun while it lasted. It was so cruel to read this in texts he was too much of a coward to call me. And for a week after this I barraged him with texts and emails begging for him back. He threatened to block me and change his number. So I left him one last text I said I'm sorry for everything I've done maybe one day you can forgive me and we can give this another try. I left it at that. That was over 3 weeks ago now.

 

But let's go back to when we were living together. It was tough he had to pay for everything and I think he began to resent me. This is where I start to blame myself. Since I had no job or school I would be bored all day until he came home from work and there were fights, and I would say some very mean things to him. He would just get irritated so easily and now that I look back he did say some things that raise red flags. He said that if he ever broke up with me that I would probably commit suicide! Thinking back now I should have known. It's hard work living together day in and day out, its not some fantasy world that I think he was expecting. I think I let him down a lot and this is where I blame myself for the break up. I should have done more for him, I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I think all the fights just made him stop caring. It's hard to live with yourself when you feel like its all your fault.

 

Fast forward to a week ago. By logging onto his email I saw he was writing a friend and telling her he was confused. He said he has had feelings for this girl at work for a year now. He said he's in love with her and thinks about her all the time. It broke my heart all over again. I finally really knew why he did it because he had another girl lined up in his mind. Ever since then my mind is flooded with insecurity and even more sadness and guilt. I think this girl must be so much better than me because that's what he said in the text that he found someone better. He just moved on so easily. It's easy to move on when you have someone else on your mind. I know it's over but the pain is unbearable knowing the man you love so much is thinking about another girl. He showed 0 concern about me and my feelings he did it all through text and got rid of me which is exactly what he wanted.

 

We were each other's first everything. And as he used to say to me you will be my first and my last. I know it's not true anymore, and it hurts so much. If you really love someone you don't drop them like a hot potatoe. I know it's over. How are you supposed to get over someone when you still love them? Love isn't a switch you can turn on and off. It was so easy for him which makes no sense to me. He turned it right off and wants this other girl so bad. It kills you inside. I'm a lost lamb right now. I don't know who I am anymore my identity was him. My whole world revolved around him. So I'm trying to pick up the pieces, and I need your help and advice. I have never been through something like this and I don't know how to navigate my way through all the hurt and disappointment. It doesn't ease matters because in my head I see myself a lonely, old woman whereas I see him happy with her.

 

So in the end HE WINS AND I LOSE

[durkadurka]

It's been a month now since he broke up with me. He was my very first love and vice versa and we are both 20 years old. We were together 2 and half years.It was a long distance relationship. I never in a million years thought that he would do this, if anything I felt like I had all of the control in the relationship. We really got along well, there was such a bond between us one that I never thought would be broken.

 

Back in July I moved in with him we were living together for 3 and a half months. During this time I didn't have a job, and I was trying to go back to school. So towards the end of October I left to pursue school. It was 2 weeks after I left that he broke up with me. Ever since I came back home he was so distant from me, he just couldn't be bothered anymore. Then I get a text telling me it's over. He said he couldn't do it anymore, it was too much drama. He said I am not right for him, and that he found someone better than me. He said it was fun while it lasted. It was so cruel to read this in texts he was too much of a coward to call me. And for a week after this I barraged him with texts and emails begging for him back. He threatened to block me and change his number. So I left him one last text I said I'm sorry for everything I've done maybe one day you can forgive me and we can give this another try. I left it at that. That was over 3 weeks ago now.

But let's go back to when we were living together. It was tough he had to pay for everything and I think he began to resent me. This is where I start to blame myself. Since I had no job or school I would be bored all day until he came home from work and there were fights, and I would say some very mean things to him. He would just get irritated so easily and now that I look back he did say some things that raise red flags. He said that if he ever broke up with me that I would probably commit suicide! Thinking back now I should have known. It's hard work living together day in and day out, its not some fantasy world that I think he was expecting. I think I let him down a lot and this is where I blame myself for the break up. I should have done more for him, I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I think all the fights just made him stop caring. It's hard to live with yourself when you feel like its all your fault.

 

Fast forward to a week ago. By logging onto his email I saw he was writing a friend and telling her he was confused. He said he has had feelings for this girl at work for a year now. He said he's in love with her and thinks about her all the time. It broke my heart all over again. I finally really knew why he did it because he had another girl lined up in his mind. Ever since then my mind is flooded with insecurity and even more sadness and guilt. I think this girl must be so much better than me because that's what he said in the text that he found someone better. He just moved on so easily. It's easy to move on when you have someone else on your mind. I know it's over but the pain is unbearable knowing the man you love so much is thinking about another girl. He showed 0 concern about me and my feelings he did it all through text and got rid of me which is exactly what he wanted.

 

We were each other's first everything. And as he used to say to me you will be my first and my last. I know it's not true anymore, and it hurts so much. If you really love someone you don't drop them like a hot potatoe. I know it's over. How are you supposed to get over someone when you still love them? Love isn't a switch you can turn on and off. It was so easy for him which makes no sense to me. He turned it right off and wants this other girl so bad. It kills you inside. I'm a lost lamb right now. I don't know who I am anymore my identity was him. My whole world revolved around him. So I'm trying to pick up the pieces, and I need your help and advice. I have never been through something like this and I don't know how to navigate my way through all the hurt and disappointment. It doesn't ease matters because in my head I see myself a lonely, old woman whereas I see him happy with her.

 

So in the end HE WINS AND I LOSE

 

He doesn't win and you don't lose.

 

You let your relationship become terribly unbalanced, exactly as my ex did. She graduated, got no job, no hobbies. I only asked her to make new friends and volunteer and do whatever she wanted to be happy.

 

I worked every day and went to school, and she was still miserable.

 

Holy crap, he showed 0 interest in your feelings? He worked himself to the bone for you and you did exactly nothing. He cared until there was nothing left.

 

I doubt he was expecting some wild fantasy or had expectations, I think he probably just wanted to see some progress. You shouldn't have done more for him, you should have done more for yourself. I sincerely doubt he did this because of another girl, she probably just happened to be around when he finally got fed up with your shenanigans.

Edited December 11, 2010 by durkadurka

[wish it was a dream]

So you are saying when you love someone you can only care for so long before you just throw the towel in? That's not how love works, you work things out with the other individual. A relationship is give and take.

 

Yes, I have to live with myself everyday with the blame that I pushed him to the point of not caring anymore. This was my first relationship and I told him many times I want to grow and learn with him. He obviously didn't want that anymore. I said sorry so many times, it means nothing to him. Once again if you really love someone you forgive!

[fiat500]

You're right, love is give and take but people reach their threshold when THEIR NEEDS aren't being met. You said you constantly argued. It seems he really gave it his all and tried to make the relationship work but had no more in him.

 

It seems like you took and took. There is a limit to that. He did forgive you before because he gave the relationship a chance but you never changed and that was the end for him.

 

In relationships, you ACKNOWLEDGE your FLAWS and take steps to fix them. You didn't fix anything. He's done forgiving you now, unfortunately.

 

In your first relationship, you always make lethal mistakes. Learn from this.

[wish it was a dream]

It's not like I gave nothing to him. I would give him massages and I was supportive, I wasn't a terrible person. I really do love him and I pushed him because he didn't push himself. We got along very well but there were fights, isn't that normal? In this day and age it's so easy to give up. That's why you see so much divorce and single moms. Rather than to fight for something it's easier to say NO MORE FOR ME, I'M DONE. I think deep down he wanted his freedom because since the split he's been spending money like water. I always kept him in check and told him to save for the future.

 

He's not devastated at all already saying he's in love with someone else. What I'm trying to figure out is how can I forgive myself and move on from this? I obsess about what I did wrong and what he is doing now and its getting me nowhere. I can't shake the scary thought I will always be alone. Who will love me? I couldn't even keep him around. I just continue to think he chose her over me! OOOOOOOOO it sucks

[durkadurka]

So you are saying when you love someone you can only care for so long before you just throw the towel in? That's not how love works, you work things out with the other individual. A relationship is give and take.

 

Yes, I have to live with myself everyday with the blame that I pushed him to the point of not caring anymore. This was my first relationship and I told him many times I want to grow and learn with him. He obviously didn't want that anymore. I said sorry so many times, it means nothing to him. Once again if you really love someone you forgive!

 

You are really dense. No, you can only love for so long before you realize that this person ISN'T WORKING FOR A BETTER SITUATION.

 

You became stagnant, while he was still trying to improve your situation. You were the definition of spinning your tires.

 

It seems like you weren't the one who was being loyal to him, or yourself. You didn't just push him to the point of not caring, you let him down. He only wanted you to make your own life better.

 

Sorry isn't enough, action speaks louder than words. He put in a long time with you and you weren't motivated to make the changes necessary then and you wore him down like a tire.

 

At a certain point, and I know this is how I felt, he was so degraded and hurt by your lack of motivation, he probably could never forgive you.

[durkadurka]

It's not like I gave nothing to him. I would give him massages and I was supportive, I wasn't a terrible person. I really do love him and I pushed him because he didn't push himself. We got along very well but there were fights, isn't that normal? In this day and age it's so easy to give up. That's why you see so much divorce and single moms. Rather than to fight for something it's easier to say NO MORE FOR ME, I'M DONE. I think deep down he wanted his freedom because since the split he's been spending money like water. I always kept him in check and told him to save for the future.

 

He's not devastated at all already saying he's in love with someone else. What I'm trying to figure out is how can I forgive myself and move on from this? I obsess about what I did wrong and what he is doing now and its getting me nowhere. I can't shake the scary thought I will always be alone. Who will love me? I couldn't even keep him around. I just continue to think he chose her over me! OOOOOOOOO it sucks

 

Massages and being supportive isn't enough. Honestly, would a guy marry a girl just because she gave him massages and was supportive? Absolutely not.

 

Relationships are symbiotic.

 

LOL if a girl with no job tried to keep my finances in check, I'd kick her to the curb faster than I could blink an eye.

 

You're a taker. Since you're asking how you can forgive yourself and move on? You can't and you shouldn't. Beat yourself over the head with a hammer a few times, because this guy seemed like he really wanted to work for you, really hard and you screwed it up.

[durkadurka]

I also have to add this, who are you to push him when you aren't pushing yourself?

 

Pot calling the kettle black much? He seems to be pushing himself more than you did. Hypocritical.

 

Gosh I wish I didn't sound like such a dick.. but wow.. this is shocking.