northern_sky Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I was doing really well until today. I got home and was hit with this sudden wave of sadness, mostly related to J. Why can't I get over this guy. I know it's only been a week and a half since I cut things off, but I was only dating him for two months, and we weren't even in a relationship. Somehow, miraculously, I have managed to keep to NC. Yet every day I get the strong urge when I start to feel lonely. Every day I tell myself, just another day, just hold off for another day. It's like an addiction. I sit here right now almost tearing up, it's insane. As frustrated as I was when we were dating, I never felt this sad. It's really hitting me now. Everyone around me has other people. All I ever have is pretend temporary friends, whichever guy I happen to be seeing at the moment. Then they disappear. I don't know how to make real friends. I can only seem to find common ground with guys, and things never work out for obvious reasons. Whenever i hang out with women, the conversation is totally forced. We never have anything in common. All of my interests are guy interests. My only two female friends are people I met on this board. One of them I'm pretty close to, and talk to all the time, but she lives in another part of the country. I think part of this stems from growing up in a male dominated household. I feel like I never learned how to relate to women. I was always around my brother and father. I'm disturbed by the fact that my roommate, who broke up with her boyfriend two weeks ago, after a drama-filled nine month relationship, already seems to be totally over him. And she always said how much she loved him. Is this how fast normal people heal? Here I am still missing a guy I wasn't even official with. And it took me several months of extreme depression to get over my ex who dumped me in the spring after a 4 month long relationship. What can I do to get myself out of this funk? I've been doing well until today. In fact I've been extremely productive and my mood was looking up. Then I got home nd just collapsed.
SunsetRed Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 I've been in a funk all day as well. I'm rereading The Secret and I'm going to order The Power which is the sequel to the Secret. I've read the Secret before and it did transform my life. I got out of the habit of positive thinking, esp w my break up and now I'm trying to get in the swing of radiating positive thoughts so that the positive energy comes back to me.
Surrealist Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 It still early days, a week and a half isn't long at all. Don't beat yourself up over it. Sometimes it can be harder when there was no relationship as it may leave you wondering what might of been. The other details you mention in your post would also be contributing factors.
Kamille Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Ah sweetie Why are you always so hard on yourself? Patience! You're allowed to miss the thrill of romance. You're allowed to be sad that something which was imported to you ended. And stop comparing yourself to others. You're allowed to grieve whichever you want. You're also allowed to relate better to men than women. You're being unnecessarily hard on yourself right now.
lovebitme Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 I'm also in the same situation. It's been a little over a week since I made contact with this girl I was dating less than 2 months. For me personally, it's the short term relationships that are hardest to get over. It feels like things ended too soon for me and I never got a chance to show her who I really am and that disappoints me. If only I had a second chance is what my mind keeps replaying. I call these crushes and they can do just that- crush you. I've also felt that something is wrong with me for being so heart broke over a girl that I don't really know. So if it makes you feel better you're not the only one who goes through these feelings. I've had it happen a couple of times to me in my life. I'm not going to tell you what to do and how to heal... other people can do that. I have my own routine on how to handle these things. It's getting better and I'm already starting to think about her less. Just hang in there and whatever you do, don't pick up that phone.
Green Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 I think you're addicted to feeling sad for yourself the same way a junkie is addicted to drugs. Why don't you change the way you think about things. Activley decide not to think about the stuff you can't control
Mutant Debutante Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 A few weeks is nothing, plus it's hitting you harder because you have it all wrapped up in your head with not having friends and not being normal. Cut yourself some slack and try to focus on one thing at a time, at least. Alarm bells do go off in my head when girls say all their friends are guys because girls don't get them or whatever. I mean, WTF are "guy interests"? You are exclusively interested in cars, sports, and porn? A stereotype, yeah, but what else would "guy interests" be? Anyway even then I know chicks who dig that stuff, and guys who don't.
Star Gazer Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 You're being too hard on yourself. People heal at different speeds for different reasons; you can't compare yourself to your roommate. Besides, who decides what's "normal"? I can say this. Healing isn't like a dead stop. Like someone told me in my thread about my random breakdown a couple weeks ago, there will be moments where you feel sad. This doesn't mean you aren't over the person or aren't healing. The sign of healing is that the periods of happiness in between the moments of sadness get longer and longer. If you were to diary your moods, I bet you'd see the happiness periods increasing as well. Don't beat yourself up just because you have some moments of sadness. Also, it's Friday night and the holidays are upon us. Sadness and depression around this time are perfectly normal. And FWIW... there was a guy I dated from like July through mid-October 2008 (before Skiman), who made me feel the same way you do now. And when Skiman and I broke up, I kinda went through it again, with the same guy. Some people just get under our skin. Again, nothing to beat yourself up over.
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