My girlfriends past 0_0

[dreamingoftigers]

Not all men are like this. Myself included. And if I was a woman, I would stay away from such men. Now where is that 3 legged goat? bahhhhhhhhh.......

 

cya

 

:lmao:

 

If a guy is willing to go after a goat, does it matter if it has 3 legs or not?

[TaraMaiden]

Duh!

Of course it does!

 

 

Try catching a 4-legged goat.....

 

[NoLongerSad]

If you read the OP then you should have noticed it said she was in a bad place. And yet you feel the need to judge her. You don't know why she was in that spot. What if she was raped when she was younger. Not all people are terrified of sex after something like that. Most do but a very few persue it. It could explain the substance abuse as well. Or maybe she lost someone important. The alcohol and ONS's would have helped dull the pain. She stopped a year before they got together so maybe she's started to finally heal. Shame on all of you judgers. You don't know her story and you have the nerve to call her whore? Men are looked up to when they bed that many women in a year but us women are slugs to be stepped on for something like that. What would your mothers think of your views. CAVEMEN!!!

 

 

I'm thinking mid-three digits here.

[dreamingoftigers]

Duh!

Of course it does!

 

 

Try catching a 4-legged goat.....

 

 

HAHAHAHA:lmao::lmao:

 

Best post on LS

[lkjh]

If you read the OP then you should have noticed it said she was in a bad place. And yet you feel the need to judge her. You don't know why she was in that spot. What if she was raped when she was younger. Not all people are terrified of sex after something like that. Most do but a very few persue it. It could explain the substance abuse as well. Or maybe she lost someone important. The alcohol and ONS's would have helped dull the pain. She stopped a year before they got together so maybe she's started to finally heal. Shame on all of you judgers. You don't know her story and you have the nerve to call her whore? Men are looked up to when they bed that many women in a year but us women are slugs to be stepped on for something like that. What would your mothers think of your views. CAVEMEN!!!

 

 

 

Oh no you called us cavemen. Look flat out just because someone said they are in a bad place does not mean something tragic happened. Most women who slut around and then get into a relationship claim they "were in a bad place". Even if something bad really did happened that does not mean she had to degrade herself to such a low standard.

 

 

You threw out a bunch of maybes but the fact remains.....smart men would avoid getting attached to women who sleep around and value sex and themselves so little.

 

 

Sounds like there are a lot of women on this thread with wild past and want to justify it

[dreamingoftigers]

I have no wild past. Personally I think when a man is willing to jump anyone that is willing is just disgustingly slutty. Especially for bragging rights or numbers. I think that is much worse then a girl who has a year of experimentation and leaves it behind her.

[NoLongerSad]

If a guy is cheating on 3 girls he's revered.

 

Excuse me, was the OP from a woman who was wondering whether or not she should get seriously involved with such a man?

 

Maybe you should take another look at what the thread is actually about?

[oldguy]

17 in a year I would think is indeed a good indication that she was, "in a bad place". Hopefully she has dealt with what ever was troubling her.

 

However, she is not writing in looking for, whatever it is your looking for. RJ is almost always an issue of insecurity.

 

If I where in your situation I would be trying to identify the source of my own issues, I mean that in a healthy, not a derogatory way. As far as peoples pasts, or histories are concerned; I would want to be sure that my gf is not only over her bad times but more importantly has dealt with them in a way that she has found a healthier way to deal with, "bad times" in the future.

 

As for history; try getting a loan with a bad credit history. The only way to do it is to rebuild a good credit history over time.

 

3 or more partners per year for 2 or more consecutive years is an indicator that there may be an issue. Your 16 or so before the age of 20 is also suspect along with your insecurities.

 

Good luck.

[mr.dream merchant]

**** all that bull**** about labels, and name calling, and butt-hurt retired sexually promiscuous women who felt offended by mentioned labels....

 

- let's call her a "free-spirit". In my experience, and alot of other unlucky but glad they learned early guys, free spirits are bad news. Usually, free spirits have underlying issues. Sometimes they have STD's. Sometimes they have no walls (if you don't catch the implied idea here then whatever).

 

Point is, that's alot of sometimes, what ifs, did she's, is she safe's, and all kinds of other ****ty baggage that you didn't even sign up for, when falling for a person. When your heart is involved, it's best not to take risks. And let's face it, free spirits are risky on NUMEROUS levels.

 

Would you want a used car, so used, that you could tell it, and needed to see the carfax?

 

Or would you want a used/mint condish/new car, where you're happy with your decision, comfortable with it, and aren't questioning it? More importantly, a car that you feel SECURE with.

[lkjh]

I never had a wild past. I've slept with four men in my entire life. And one of them is my fiance and father of my son. The point of my post is that you shouldnt judge until you know the whole story. And unless something really tragic happened to you, you have no idea how you would react. Maybe you would do the same thing I was writing about. I think it's stupid to judge her. Unless she was cheating on a guy with all those men or she just cheated on one guy after another then you shouldnt say ****. If she was single it doesnt matter. Im going to say again, DOUBLE STANDARD. If a guy is cheating on 3 girls he's revered. Not a pig, a man-whore, or anything else. But if a woman does that, she's the WHORE OF BABYLON.

 

 

You are letting your own personal feeling get in the way of your advice. The questions was "should the op trust a woman like this". And you want to turn it into a gender battle.

 

 

Yes we can judge a persons actions, even if you don't like it

 

 

I tell you what, if your child is a boy and one day when he is 20, if he brings a girl home and says "mom I love this girl but she has slept with 20+ guys already, but she was in a bad place. Should I trust her?". Feel free to say ya honey, she will probably end up making a great wife.

[Penney]

I'm with a girl right now i have been with for almost a year now, and still can't seem to get her past off my mind.. i love her more then anything but i just don't know what to do.. first off she's 20, i'm 19 about to be 20. And she had sex with 17 other men besides me within a year.. This is almost a year ago because she stopped all that before we started dating, I have been with 16 women including her over the course of 7 years.

 

Ok, you are 19 and have had sex for 7 years. 19-7 = 12. And you have had sex with 16 "women" in 7 years 16/7 = 2.29.

 

So you started having sex at 12 and have had sex with 2-3 different girls (they aren't women at 12) a year. And there are posters here calling your girlfriend a slut? LOL!

 

Seriously, you are the pot calling the kettle black here. You started at 12, wow, 12, averaging 2-3 different girls per year. That is hardly the track record of someone who has been in committed relationships.

 

So given your track record, what is your obsession with your girlfriend's past all about? Is it just the 17 in one year thing? Obviously those had to have included brief relationships, probably a few or more one night stands. Did you ever have any one night stands? You certainly were in some brief relationships, too.

 

 

 

but it haunts me to know that there are so many guys out there that can say they have had her..

There are quite a few girls that can say they have had you, too.

 

 

And they all got her without having to take her to dinner or anything..

 

LOL! Ok, you are pissed because the guys didn't have to spend money on her to get in her pants and you did?

 

I think what you need to do is to grow up in your attitude about women. A quick piece of advice - don't take advice from the numbskulls who post here calling her a slut. Geez, what a bunch of women haters.

 

 

She also told me that she was sober for only about 7 of these guys

 

OK, your gf is not a slut, she is an alcohol abuser, maybe an alcoholic. She needs to get into AA and make a commitment to sobriety.

 

 

she's horny 24/7 more then any girl i have ever met and i may be leaving for the Marine corps reserve soon and I just so badly want to trust her too..

 

This is concerning, too. I don't know any women who are horny 24/7.

 

Between the alcohol abuse and the hyper sexual activity, I am suspecting she has been molested as a child or raped. Girls who have been many times are depressed and self-medicate with alcohol and act out sexually. I think she needs to see a counselor.

Edited December 30, 2010 by Penney

[Woggle]

You are letting your own personal feeling get in the way of your advice. The questions was "should the op trust a woman like this". And you want to turn it into a gender battle.

 

 

Yes we can judge a persons actions, even if you don't like it

 

 

I tell you what, if your child is a boy and one day when he is 20, if he brings a girl home and says "mom I love this girl but she has slept with 20+ guys already, but she was in a bad place. Should I trust her?". Feel free to say ya honey, she will probably end up making a great wife.

 

I so much agree with this. Some of these women have sons and if they brought home a woman like this I doubt they would tell him to be so open minded and understanding.

[dreamingoftigers]

I so much agree with this. Some of these women have sons and if they brought home a woman like this I doubt they would tell him to be so open minded and understanding.

 

I think that if my son were to utter the words "she's been with 20+ guys" and announcing it right after he introduced her, I think I would question his sanity more then her choices.

 

After that though, I would ask him if he was sure and if she had demonstrated the capacity to be a loyal and caring mate. (Depending on age here as well, if my 19 year old son brought her home that would be a lot different then my 43 year old son. )I would also ask if she (if she was quite young) had worked out her issues yet. If not and he went and married her anyways, I would calmly support them both and wait to see if there was a fallout. I would also save for some counseling for both just in case. The pain would be tremendous and until the final split (if it were to happen) they would both have my support morally and emotionally.

 

But that is just me.

[wheream_i]

And there you go. What he said! Don't even think about being able to trust her while you're away.

 

Bro I'm going to tell you right now, this girl is not good news. I'm sorry. You've got to call it like you see it man. She's had 17 partners in a damn year. Ok. She's horny 24/7. Ok. She's blowjob betty and Mrs. Puts out Easy when she's not sober. Ok.

 

Those are three major major MAJOR red flags you should not be ignoring.

 

There's going to be men and women, mostly women, who come on this thread and tell you to look past her past. **** that. You can do alot better than this. She's damaged bro, and pretty used up. You can do better than this chick...

[wheream_i]

I won't disagree with you on this. I would like to know in your words why that is.

 

It always seems to be guys who cannot get over their GF's past....

 

If I had a pound for every time a guy has come on here complaining about this, I could die a rich woman.....

[lkjh]

I think that if my son were to utter the words "she's been with 20+ guys" and announcing it right after he introduced her, I think I would question his sanity more then her choices.

 

After that though, I would ask him if he was sure and if she had demonstrated the capacity to be a loyal and caring mate. (Depending on age here as well, if my 19 year old son brought her home that would be a lot different then my 43 year old son. )I would also ask if she (if she was quite young) had worked out her issues yet. If not and he went and married her anyways, I would calmly support them both and wait to see if there was a fallout. I would also save for some counseling for both just in case. The pain would be tremendous and until the final split (if it were to happen) they would both have my support morally and emotionally.

 

But that is just me.

 

 

You are so full of crap. Do you really think lying will help make your case?

[dreamingoftigers]

You are so full of crap. Do you really think lying will help make your case?

 

Wow, I am so glad that you have been able to read my mind and guess my motivations! What a brilliant man with your super-powers you are!

 

If I had a son I would damn well respect his boundaries!

 

Furthermore, the young lady in question would be a human being first, my daughter-in-law second, and a "ho" third. Having been married to a sexual addict for the last 5 years I can say with certainty that regular human beings can have sexual issues for a variety of reasons. Whereas my husband's sexual addiction (and yes I think of him as a dirty slut) has caused some of the worst pain I ever have experienced.

 

I also know that I was "warned" beforehand by my parents I A) didn't believe them because I was so in love with him and how willing he was to leave his past behind. B) I felt that they had no faith in me to make my own choices. (This of course was a recurring pattern). C) I was alienated from them for years. They were being controlling asshats about the whole thing on top of it, but that's not the point. (I also know another mom of my friend who badmouthed the daughter-in-law so bad that her son, who had loved her most of his 4 brothers didn't even want her at his wedding).

 

Would I think my son is at risk? If the young lady hadn't done anything to work on her issues, then yes.

 

But... having been young and in love once, I know that a limited amount of maturity and worldliness comes with that. When you are younger and fall in love, you get pretty blinded and your brain pretty instantly ties you closer to someone who may or may not be good for you based on your childhood programming.

 

I would hope that a son of mine would have great enough programming to find a healthy partner. He may not. In that case I know from experience that shaming a partner of your child, or rejecting them would only serve to piss off my son!

 

If my son were dedicated enough to a young woman to want to marry her, then I would have to back the hell off! I also know that even after discovering that my husband was a cheating asshat, that if he was willing to work on his issues that I wanted a family with him.

 

My previously asshat parents (now recovering from my father's extramarital affair) took some pity on us and got us some counseling. We weren't able to complete it (they couldn't afford it) BUT it was enough for us to get through some basic foundational issues and save us as a family. We are still working through our own issues, but we are very dedicated to one another. I think my parents supporting my family was the best thing they could have done, it helped to heal some of the garbage between me and them. That's why I would save up for some counseling for my son and that young lady if I thought they were at risk.

 

I wouldn't want him to think that I a) don't trust him to make his own decisions b) feel the need to control his life and pick his girlfriends for him c) I would also make my concerns known in a polite and tactful manner because telling him "your gf is a whore, and she's gonna **** everything that moves" is just classless and ignorant. I also can't predict the future. She may be sick of how she was living and want to make a better life for herself with my son. And who am I to judge that?

 

In fact, even if that lady were to cheat on him or vice-versa I would actually suggest that they try everything before abandoning the marriage (my personal belief). I do believe in forever as long as it is possible between two parties.

 

My view may be incredibly rare these days, but it is still mine to hold and something I have grown increasingly attached to over the years. I could have justifiably broken up my family years ago but I believe in seeing through the pain and staying optimistic. It has already reaped many powerful rewards. I have more power in myself then if I just "reacted" and ran for the door.

 

My viewpoint doesn't come from lying to "win" an internet-forum argument. My viewpoint is seeing some people be pretty hopelessly lost with their sexual issues and basically being told that they no longer deserve any companion because of it. Often what these people were searching for in the first place was a connection with another human being and they didn't have a functional enough skill set to get it.

 

I think it is sad to see someone who may have been desperately trying for a connection with another so badly that they slept with 17 guys in a year. Then they form a relationship for another year and get that connection only to be told at the end of that year that they are no longer worthy of it.

 

And told they are no longer worthy of it by men who did exactly the same or a little worse. Ironic, no?

[lino]

first off she's 20, i'm 19 about to be 20. And she had sex with 17 other men besides me within a year..

 

Definitely not girlfriend material.

 

But then again, you have a pretty colourful past yourself.

[lino]

It always seems to be guys who cannot get over their GF's past....

 

If I had a pound for every time a guy has come on here complaining about this, I could die a rich woman.....

 

 

 

 

There's a good reason why that happens, and you've proven it yourself below...

 

 

 

 

I've had 7 partner/lovers in my entire life. I'm 53.

My partner, who's 48, had over 100 one-night-stands in a little under a year,

up to about 8 months before we met.....

[NoLongerSad]

What is the good reason that happens? Your post made no sense.

 

 

Allow me....

 

what I think he meant was that typically, women seek out and admire male "players" as partners. As long as women keep rewarding male players, there will continue to be a "double standard." That does not mean however, that a male should not be repulsed by the prospect of having a female "player" as a relationship partner.

[TaraMaiden]

I only found out about his prolific count once we'd been together for nearly 2 years. I hardly think therefore, that was me seeking a male player.

 

It never occurred to me to ask him, it was none of my business what he got up to sexually, before he met me. Once it came out in conversation, it still didn't affect me. After so long, that would have been hypocrisy anyway.

 

That does not mean however, that a male should not be repulsed by the prospect of having a female "player" as a relationship partner.

neither does it mean he should be.

[mr.dream merchant]

I know you didn't ask me, but I will respond. Just read the OP's post - he says he can't stand that other guys "have had her" and "got" her without having to buy her dinner. Or look at the poster who said "She's damaged bro, and pretty used up."

 

See for many men, sex is not a loving act. It is about what they perceive as their power over women, not about their love for them. It is unhealthy and these are men should be avoided.

 

However, I agree that the OP's girlfriend has problems - getting drunk and screwing 17 guys in one year is not about love, either. It is a cry for help. Quite often, substance abuse + hyper sexuality = rape or childhood molestation in the past. She exhibits the classic behavior of a woman who has been the victim of a sexual crime in her past.

 

Um no, it isn't about power, it's about landing a better quality woman. Lol, wtf?

 

What's hard to understand about that?

[TaraMaiden]

How come men want to be able to screw around unchallenged, but they still want a virginal GF?

 

Answer: The Madonna/Whore complex.

 

"Popularly, the term is used to describe an unsatisfiable desire by a man to have his wife or other female partner exhibit both of these mutually exclusive traits. This introduces a dilemma where men may feel unable to love any women who can satisfy them sexually and are unable to be sexually satisfied by any women who they can love. Alternatively the term is [used] to describe or attempt to justify the behaviour of men who pursue multiple women as a way of fulfilling each of these needs"

[mr.dream merchant]

How come men want to be able to screw around unchallenged, but they still want a virginal GF?

 

Answer: The Madonna/Whore complex.

 

 

Nature of the beast is my best bet, who knows. If I had the answer to that I'd tell you.

[TaraMaiden]

It is a power thing.

I wonder if you'd be interested in reading this book?

The Author is male, by the way....