Spark1111 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Really? You're going to pick on semantics? Ok, fine. A quick look in a Dictionary says that a "mistake" can be "a wrong action attributable to bad judgment" I would call an affair Bad judgment. Ok that's not enough? Fine. How about a list of Synonyms?? "make a mistake miscalculate, be wrong, blunder, err, boob (Brit. slang), slip up (informal), misjudge, goof (informal), drop a clanger (informal), put your foot in it (informal), be wide of or be off the mark" At this point...why are you arguing that point? Of all points? You concentrate on my word usage and disagree with it - why? What are you proving by proving that "mistake" is the wrong word to use when referring to infidelity? What shall I call it instead - in your opinion? How about from my dictionary of legal terms? "mistake verb be deceived, be erroneous, be in the wrong, be misguided, be misled, be mistaken, blunder, bungle, commit an error, confuse, err, fall into error, get wrong, go amiss, [COLOR=#1d4994]go astray, go wrong, identify incorrectly, ignorare, labor under a misapprehension, misapprehend, miscalculate, misconceive, misconstrue, misidentify, misjudge, misread,misunderstand, name inaccuuately, put a false sense on, receive a false impression, receive a wrong impression, slip up, stumble" Does an affair fall under any of those categories? Perhaps to Be in the wrong...go amiss? Go astray? Now I know I have heard that term before...Go wrong.... If you want to pick on me, then pick on me...but seriously...is it not a strong enough word for you? Fine...choose a synonym...you have a big ol' list of 'em now! BTW "irregardless" isn't a word. Having too much to drink, flirting with the secretary, forgetting to pay a parking ticket, forgetting your mother's birthday for a few days, being cross with your spouse, child, boss on a down day....those are mistakes. But forgetting you are MARRIED? Kissing, flirting, taking off your clothes and slipping inside another man or woman? Nah, that is a pretty deliberate act almost every step of the way. Calling infidelity a mistake is like calling murder an oops! or a blunder! At some point in the process was the willful and intentional disregard of another's feelings and the choice to continue actions that would harm others who trusted you not to do so. That's more than forgetting to bring a carton of milk home after work, dontcha think?
bentnotbroken Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Having too much to drink, flirting with the secretary, forgetting to pay a parking ticket, forgetting your mother's birthday for a few days, being cross with your spouse, child, boss on a down day....those are mistakes. But forgetting you are MARRIED? Kissing, flirting, taking off your clothes and slipping inside another man or woman? Nah, that is a pretty deliberate act almost every step of the way. Calling infidelity a mistake is like calling murder an oops! or a blunder! At some point in the process was the willful and intentional disregard of another's feelings and the choice to continue actions that would harm others who trusted you not to do so. That's more than forgetting to bring a carton of milk home after work, dontcha think? And the tin can is toppled from the post as she blows the smoke from her six shooter.
2themoon&back Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 I love both of these men dearly but am choosing to work on my marriage. I know it will be hard and husband and I do not do well with hard stuff. Hope we can get through this. IMO, the bolded, is very telling and may be where the conflict or hesitation in yourself maybe coming from. Good luck.
ShatteredReality Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 At some point in the process was the willful and intentional disregard of another's feelings and the choice to continue actions that would harm others who trusted you not to do so. That's more than forgetting to bring a carton of milk home after work, dontcha think? As I said previously - if "mistake" isn't a strong enough word for you - choose one of it's many synonyms. An error in judgement, a Wrong Act - whatever You Choose to call it is fine. My point is - why quibble about that? If you don't like the word I chose to use - "mistake" - please remove it and insert the stronger, more appropriate word YOU find. And please...let me know what ONE WORD you'd like for me to use in the future to avoid having everything else under the sun forgotten except that I referred to an affair as a mistake.
silktricks Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 let me know what ONE WORD you'd like for me to use in the future to avoid having everything else under the sun forgotten except that I referred to an affair as a mistake. Just to let you know - that's the word that I have used to describe my H's past affair. It was a mistake. A lapse of his normal good judgment. An error.
ShatteredReality Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 Just to let you know - that's the word that I have used to describe my H's past affair. It was a mistake. A lapse of his normal good judgment. An error. Thank you Silk! Glad to not be hated by ALL for my vocabulary!
neveragain1 Posted February 15, 2011 Posted February 15, 2011 My husband wants to have a talk with the OM. I do not understand his need for this, but if it is going to help him and our relationship then I want him to do it. I never felt the need to talk to OM, but I suspect he wants answers he feels he isn't getting from you. Like details. I think details are irrelevant. But most BS seem to want them. However, I do not want want it to become physical, as in a fight. because you want to protect OM? Have any of you who have been betrayed met up with the OW/OM? If so, what was it that you needed to get out of your talk/meeting with them? I did talk to my OM, but because it was HIM that didn't have answers about my X. He didn't trust her.:confused: I love both of these men dearly but am choosing to work on my marriage. so you do want to protect OM. that is disrespectful to your husband. If you husband has integrity, he will not touch the OM. but then again, how much integrity is there being with someone that also loves another man. your heart will never belong to your husband 100%. But if he can settle for that, its his choice I guess.
trinity1 Posted February 17, 2011 Posted February 17, 2011 I never felt a need to talk to the other women in my husband's life. I have gotten a chance to see many of them, which I appreciate, but talk to them - no.
FryFish Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 However, I do not want want it to become physicallol... Im sure your H didnt want you to get physical with the OM either...
Planofool Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 I called the OM on DDay and he must not have looked at the number calling him to close because he thought I was my wife calling him....boy did he get quiet when I introduced myself. He said all the usual BS about how I was mistaken she was just helping him with his problems (He lived in Texas and we live 1200 miles away so they were having an EA over the phone). That phone call didn't end too well. Years later I contacted him via e-mail, once he decided it wasn't a set up we had some pretty decent conversations.......he feels the need to give me marital advice. Isn't that nice of him. One thing I have noticed is his memory of their long term relationship is a little clouded. I always try and help by correcting him as needed. This has kind of become therapy with alittle comic relief for me.
Snowflower Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 y. Calling infidelity a mistake is like calling murder an oops! or a blunder! At some point in the process was the willful and intentional disregard of another's feelings and the choice to continue actions that would harm others who trusted you not to do so. That's more than forgetting to bring a carton of milk home after work, dontcha think? As I said previously - if "mistake" isn't a strong enough word for you - choose one of it's many synonyms. An error in judgement, a Wrong Act - whatever You Choose to call it is fine. My point is - why quibble about that? If you don't like the word I chose to use - "mistake" - please remove it and insert the stronger, more appropriate word YOU find. And please...let me know what ONE WORD you'd like for me to use in the future to avoid having everything else under the sun forgotten except that I referred to an affair as a mistake. Calling infidelity a "mistake" sometimes seems minimizing to the great deal of pain that a BS endures and that is why some will take issue with the word "mistake." For some, using the word "mistake" makes it seem like the affair wasn't all that big of a deal. But for some situations and people, mistake is a somewhat accurate term. (thanks, Silk!) That being said, I don't like to get caught up in the semantics either. I have sometimes called my husband's affair his "mistake" (there's that word again), bad decision, poor judgment, lack of judgment, stupidity, etc. Having an affair is a bad choice...I think we can all agree on that, whatever word we use!
ver13 Posted February 18, 2011 Posted February 18, 2011 My husband wants to have a talk with the OM. I do not understand his need for this, but if it is going to help him and our relationship then I want him to do it. However, I do not want want it to become physical, as in a fight. For the most part, I do not believe that either one of them would throw a punch, but I do not guarantee it because there is a lot of hurt. OM says that husband is welcome to call him and he will meet with him if that is what he wants. Have any of you who have been betrayed met up with the OW/OM? If so, what was it that you needed to get out of your talk/meeting with them? I love both of these men dearly but am choosing to work on my marriage. I know it will be hard and husband and I do not do well with hard stuff. Hope we can get through this. There are so many things wrong with this that I don't know where to start but here we go. 1. You don't have a choice in this it's not about you anymore it's about your marriage and if your H needs to confront the OM let him if you are serious about working on your relationship. 2. I love both of them is a cop out, if your choosing your marriage then you have stated where your heart is right? 3. The OM needs to know where he stands in this from a combined standpoint stated by both YOU and H period if you are really serious it's time to face the music as they say. I'm alway's amazed at how we as human beings go out of our way to minimalize our faults at the expense of others when faced with taking responsibility for our actions. You did it to him for whatever reasons only known to you and now when he wants to confront the OM your worried about the OMs safety. You should have thought about this when you decided to get involved in this in the first place and so should he.
Bobby2010 Posted February 20, 2011 Posted February 20, 2011 Probably not, because if I see him I would most likely beat him severely. And I'm not one to get in fights, ever. I would most likely get deported, lose my job, and be fine with it. This scumbag turned an entire family, and all of our friends against me. He used the race card (Im in Asia) to seriously **** me over. I have no idea what he looks like, over a year later. So no. I don't want to talk to OM, I'd rather stay out of prison.
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