Tom81 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I know this has probably been discussed ad nauseam, but I'm very new into online dating and needed some advice from those that have done it. I searched the forum but didn't quite find a thread to address my question. First, I'm trying OKcupid before I do any paid sites for right now. Sent out some good messages and got a message back from a girl I liked on there. She messaged back with a few paragraphs, no questions back. I responded and she sent back a few more paragraphs, this time asking questions back and seems to be going well. She responds selectively and we have a high match so i'm assuming that's a good thing of course. My question is, how long until you (as a guy) give your number, suggest a meet up for coffee, or something along those lines? Just wanted a general consensus. I'm thinking in the next message when I get her response, I should try to set something up. My friend said who does this said she usually talks online for a week. It's a tricky thing as I don't want to move too fast as this is only online.
Sarah1977 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 If the guy doesn't ask me out in the first 3 messages, I assume he's not that interested and look somewhere else. I joined that site to get dates, not pen pals.
SmileFace Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Leave her your number in your next message . Or an email address. I agree with the other poster. If a guy doesn't send me his number in the first 3-6 emails. I am on to the next one.
Author Tom81 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 Leave her your number in your next message . Or an email address. I agree with the other poster. If a guy doesn't send me his number in the first 3-6 emails. I am on to the next one. Yeah, I just wanted a 'second' opinion of sorts. I was definitely thinking of leaving my number in my next message. If I get a response back, which so far things have been going well, I'll message back with my number in my next response. Would you also suggest a coffee meet up or something or progress to chatting over phone first? Follow up question...as a guy should i just then wait for them to message me by phone or call me? I know it's better for me to give my number as I'm sure girls are not comfortable with just giving numbers online. just kind of backwards as usually it's the guy calling the girl
SmileFace Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Yeah, I just wanted a 'second' opinion of sorts. I was definitely thinking of leaving my number in my next message. If I get a response back, which so far things have been going well, I'll message back with my number in my next response. Would you also suggest a coffee meet up or something or progress to chatting over phone first? Follow up question...as a guy should i just then wait for them to message me by phone or call me? I know it's better for me to give my number as I'm sure girls are not comfortable with just giving numbers online. just kind of backwards as usually it's the guy calling the girl I can't talk for other girls, but if I am interested I will offer my number to a guy. Then again some guys who I correspond with . I may be on the fence about -- so unless he asks or sends me his number .I won'toffer my own.If that makes sense. Best of luck
Sarah1977 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I don't give my number out and I don't call either. (To avoid giving my number out via caller ID) If I end up not liking the guy, the last thing I want is him going all stalker on me with my phone number. (Seems to happen a lot with some guys) Instead, I prefer it if someone just says, "How about we meet up for coffee Saturday at 6?"
AT-AT28 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I recently met a gal online a few weeks ago on POF. I was very polite and gentemenly to her and said we can meet whenever she feels most comfortable with it and wherever. I meet her three days later at a local italian restuaraunt. It really pays to be very polite and being a gentlemen to the lady who can appreciate. Let it be on her terms, not yours. Woman need to be very careful with online meeting men, the are alot of scary freaks out there so show here from the beginning that you are not that and give her respect and distance.
Author Tom81 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 I can definitely see how you might not want to call...there are definitely some weird people out there, gotta be careful. I got a response back from her (we're at 3 messages each), so I think I'll send a message tonight and go about it how AT-AT25 did it. Say I'd like to meet up sometime, but of course whenever she'd be comfortable to do so. say like coffee or maybe a bite to eat. I think I'll leave me number in case she wants to chat that way too. Thanks for the tips/advice...i'll keep everyone updated :-)
BobSacamento Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Yeah, I just wanted a 'second' opinion of sorts. I was definitely thinking of leaving my number in my next message. If I get a response back, which so far things have been going well, I'll message back with my number in my next response. Would you also suggest a coffee meet up or something or progress to chatting over phone first? Follow up question...as a guy should i just then wait for them to message me by phone or call me? I know it's better for me to give my number as I'm sure girls are not comfortable with just giving numbers online. just kind of backwards as usually it's the guy calling the girl Do not leave your number. If you feel like you have a bite, suggest that you two meet up for coffee and then suggest a day.
Author Tom81 Posted December 11, 2010 Author Posted December 11, 2010 Said I'd leave an update... So she said to me do I mind if we keep on chatting online for another week and then grab some coffee. She said a few other things and the message seemed positive. So not a success and not a failure yet...she didn't say no and she had a couple "lol" in there as well. So I'm keeping my chin up
Author Tom81 Posted December 13, 2010 Author Posted December 13, 2010 Just wanted some feedback. I'm still chatting with the girl that I messaged and said she wanted to wait a week until grabbing some coffee out. We message a couple times back and forth a day...a few paragraphs every time, and she responds quickly back sometimes. Anyone experience this at all? I understand people can be hesitant because, well there are some weirdos out there and probably better to be safe. Since this is my first foray into online dating, I just wanted to see what you guys think. Thanks!
BobSacamento Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 The times where the women were hesitant didn't result in anything for me. Not sure if they are just cowards or just messing around on the internet. I didn't stick around to find out. You know, tons of fish in the sea.
reservoirdog1 Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 Ask for her phone number after a few messages. Don't wait longer than that. And at the end of the initial phone call, if it's gone well and she's responded positively, suggest a meet-for-a-drink date.
Author Tom81 Posted December 14, 2010 Author Posted December 14, 2010 Yeah I agree with your comments. I didn't wait long with asking for a coffee date (only a few messages)...she said she wanted to chat for a week before meeting up. She responds pretty quickly back to my messages and seems interested. I'll give her that week and go from there...probably fair to do before I bounce.
sagetalk Posted December 14, 2010 Posted December 14, 2010 1. Get her number in 3 messages ( maybe 4 or 5 at latest) 2. Chat her up and make her laugh 3. At the end of phone conversation, ask her out.
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