Ever had to un-friend someone on facebook

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So long story, not so long. A buddy of mine in college found me, and befriended on facebook, a couple months back. In the course of reconnecting, he's telling me how his life isn't that great, and that he regrets leaving a state job to a position he is at now, and that his wife always nags him to make more money, etc.

 

So in the course of the past couple months, I'm here listening to him, and try to help him come up with realization about his life (if at all possible, I try not to judge people and help them bring to the surface what they already know, and not willing to admit). So I try to lead him on a path of he thinks may help him. I try to give him perspective of how lucky he is to have a family, and a beautiful daughter that love him. How despite his financial shortcomings, he is still able to live in Hawaii on him and his wife having to work only 1 job each.

 

To his credit, he's probably clinically depressed, and I've told him maybe he should go see a professional. (Did I mention he had a Master's in Psychology, and teaches intro psychology at a university part-time). He doesn't believe that he is, and refuses to go. So anyways, he's keep rehashing the same complaints over and over and over again, and that the root of ALL his issues stem from him leaving his state job: 2 years ago. He complains he doesn't make enough to buy a house for his family, BECAUSE, he left his state job.

 

So I tell him, the state really didn't pay that much more than you make now (less than 10%), you just gotta make some financial adjustments. He states that he can't because what he makes now barely provides for his family, and that it's one of his wife's complaints. Now mind you, I've asked how he would go accomplishing his goal of buying a house, and his only response is, to get a better paying job. It never occurred to him to set aside saving here/there, cut the budget where he can, etc.

 

So anyways, it all came to precipice last night as he constantly kept complaining. Seriously, you'd almost think the best course of action is now for him just to kill himself. So I told him, you need to work on the little things first, communicate with your wife. I said, "Would your life be better, if she came home every night and said, "Honey I love you, and our family and our life together. I know you don't have the perfect job, but we can work through it." and I asked him, what do you think you need to do so your relationship can get to that point. HE said, "Oh, she does that already every night."

 

ME > "Are you f-ing with me? Because you have re-iterated over and over and over again, that she always complain about money, and your job, etc."

HIM > "I've never said any of that"

ME >"Dude, I have 6 months worth of chat proving it. You don't remember about <example><example><example>"

HIM > "Oh well yeah, I may have been exaggerating. When I said she complained about not having money to go on vacation, what really happened is that I told her "we should pay down all our bills first", and she said "we're taking care of the bills, it's not a problem", and I got mad because she didn't see my point of view of paying off the bills."

Me > "So when did she ever complain about you not making enough money."

HIM > "Oh well, I guess really never. She just believes the bills will eventually be taken care of, and she's good with that."

 

To end.. I basically told him to F*(% off, and that's he's a diva making up drama to get attention, and that while I'm all for helping people, you basically wasted my time, ignored and un-friend him.

 

PS. His wife doesn't trust him, because he looked up his HS GF on facebook, and had an affair. When I asked why he did it a while back, his response, "Because I don't love my wife anymore because of her nagging about money."

 

Good Riddance.. some people are just toxic!

[ShatteredReality]

Good job! Now you can block him and you don't ever have to worry about him again. If you block a person they can't even see the things you post on mutual friends lists...when they search you - you don't exist. That's what I'd do. You don't need that kind of influence in your life and it's very smart to recognize and do away with it. Maybe he does have clinical depression...maybe he's just an attention w**re...whatever the case - he's not your responsibility and you don't need to worry about his crap anymore!

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You don't need that kind of influence in your life and it's very smart to recognize and do away with it. !

 

EXACTLY!! I've a a tumultuous couple years of my own, and I'm finally in a good comfortable state of being. I don't need that poison in my life...

[dest]

You did the right thing! You have to protect yourself and no one needs that kind of poison in their life.

 

I had to unfriend someone earlier this year. This girl I was in jr high with tracked me down. Keep in mind, I'm 33 years old now. This girl was bad news back then, but we did go through a good phase of friendship for awhile. I was hesitant to acknowledge her friend request. I actually ignored it at first (gut instinct is always right!). Then she emailed me the kindest email that made me think this girl has matured so much and has turned into a lovely person. I finally replied. Well, it was just an act, it didn't take long for her true colors to come out. She trapped me on the phone one night for like an hour talking all about how crazy her life is.- I'm talking crazy like serious legal issues crazy. She has made so many bad decisions in her life that I just don't have any respect for nor relate to AT ALL, but she tries to play the victim card. Sixteen years is a long time full of decisions that could totally alter one's path in life. I reflected on my own life and how important good decisions are.

 

Meanwhile, she befriended my sister and dad too. Very bizarre! They vaguely remembered her. She actually emailed them the same mushy email. I felt bad the girl was desperate to surround herself with people who inspire her (her words) yet what she didn't see is that she was a weight pulling us all down with her toxic stories. She posted inappropriate stuff on my sister's wall and acted like she was closer to us than she was. She just wreaked of someone so desperate willing to drag anyone down with her all in the name of using people to pull her up.

 

I talked to my dad and sister and we agreed to delete her off of our FB. I sent her a kind and diplomatic email stating that I feel that she saw this friendship as something that I did not see. I wished her much success in her life. I also added that I had made a decision to significantly cut down my FB friends list to immediate family and friends who I interact with in life on a regular basis. That is how I decided to use facebook. I was so kind and diplomatic.

 

Well, I am so glad that worked up the nerve to eradicate that toxicity out of my life. A few weeks later another jr high friend who she was still very close friends with tried to send me a friend request. I ignored him. Then she forwarded me some sickly and mean email that he wrote about me to her after I ignored his request. She went on to lecture me using very hateful speech about losing him and all this stuff that made NO SENSE. They are both mentally ill. My whole family agrees.

 

Anyway, I ignored her and blocked her from emailing me. She tried again a few times (I saw in my trash bin) but of course I deleted without reading. People can be so weird.

 

So back to you...Good for you for deleting that guy out of your life. I relate and it's a good feeling to do what you need to do!

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Thanks Dest. Some people can be so manipulative and selfish and I don't understand how it. We all have every reason and excuse to wind up like these people, but we make conscious efforts to be best people we can be. Oh wells life is too short...

[Engadget]

I got defriended by about 5 people at my last job because a co-worker was a drama whore and a liar, and I told her off. They all kiss her ass so I got deleted because I told her what she was.