This rebound thing sucks major.......

[AT-AT28]

Without getting into a novel of a posting, last month I had my first, very deep and long time relationship of my life fall apart after more then 5 years. I met here when I finally managed to move out my folks house for the first time back in mid 05 and just turned 25 myself. We met a few months later as a result of fate intermingling with a close family friend on both ends that oddly never resulted in us meeting until I to had help a long term friend in need.

 

 

Again, I could go into extreme detail in regards to who I am, what i've experience these past five years since being on my own and having the very first true love of my life with me that now is no longer with me.

 

 

We had so much in common in regards to our religious beliefs, morality, no desire to have children, wanting to explore the world together ect..ect... It was even more surprising for me at the time that she fell head over heals for me the moment I walked into the restaurant. She couldn't help but stare and look at me the entire night we were together with a few other friends. She eventually decided that she wanted me so bad she, she got me drunk off a imported drink and forced me to stay the night in the house she was house sitting at. We didn't have sex, but damn, for a lonely nerd who hadn't had a date with a woman in over 4 years and never believed that a woman would go crazy for him, we sure "padded" eachother alot that night.

 

In sad irony, she was the also the one who broke up the relationship last month due to many reasons including the long distance and time apart from eachother while she worked as a archaeologist over the years, mental and medical concerns that she stressed out about constantly and wouldn't let me help her with because she was raised from a much rougher family background then I was were she basically was forced to rely on herself and not others in life. She was such a great woman, but she had such issues with swallowing her pride and doing what needed to be done to take care of immediate issues, especially in regards to finances. She wanted the best of everything and none of the crap, she figured she had worked long and hard enough that she didn't wanna take office jobs and deal with office politics but wanted the job stability and money but also wanted to be out in the field which unfortuantely, isn't a reliable, stable source of income. But then she would stress out about money again when something broke on the car or when earlier this year she needed an operation on her ovaries to take care of a strange growth that nobody was sure if it was cancerious or not. If im real honest withmyself, I also had been suffering from "Grass is greener on the other side" syndrome with my past relationship. As much as I loved my ex, seeings how it was my first close relationship, I began to wonder if I could find someone better out there. Some of my ex's actions and emotions gave me red flags through the years and I also had a hard time finding her physically attractive during sex as she was somewhat heavy set. I'm not in any model shape either myself but tried as I hard as I could to look past her lack of physical attraction with her personality, it wasn't working and I felt very guilty and ashamed of it. Maybe it was all the for the best that it ended when I think about it......

 

 

Sigh....im rambling. I could go into so much more. In short, she moved out of our apartment and moved too a different city with her former roommate that she was also living with at the time we first met five years ago so they could afford a house together, because she refused to live in apts or condo's anymore, she was beyond that according to her, even though I was paying for everything. She moved while she worked her semi crappy job with a bitchy boss, being stuck doing office work that she hated but didn't have a choice because of medical concerns that she didn't wanna address but felt forced too and refused to take a job in the town I'm living in becuase nobody would pay her for what she felt she was worth and didn't wanna lower herself and standards to anything short of an archeology job.

 

Basically, she was mature enough to state that she didn't wanna see anybody anymore, even family and including me while she closed in on herself like a black hole and didnt' want to drag me with her. She wanted me to have fun with my best friend, go have fun, explore the world and that I wasn't to blame for us ending, it was her. I helped her move her stuff out the apt that day and gave a long and tearful goodbye, saying I thought no less of her and that I loved her deeply still and she was always remain in my heart. Her parents and family I got along with very well and they loved me and vice versa. They were pretty devastated when we broke up and her mom, who struggled with bi polar for many years and depression said she thought no less of me and felt like they had lost a son and still wanted to keep in contact, which made me feel good.

 

That was last month. Just a few weeks ago, in an attempt to both feel like I was moving forward with me life and see who else was out there, I signed up for eharmony, match.com and plentyoffish and started over on my journey to find a soul mate. Needless to say, I was very shocked and surprised to find a very awesome lady on POF that I am just head over heals for. We share so much in regards to how close and loving our families and friends our, our upbringing as children and sharing of memories of 80's cartoons and movies. Our love of technology and gadgets as I'm a big computer/star wars nerd as well as gamer, she loves Best Buy, high end camera's and Sony computers. Were also amazingly both long time Titanic fans and historians which completely and utterly blew my mind!! I never thought since I was a young boy that I would meet a girl who liked and understood Titanic like I did!! Needless to say, i've just fallen in love with this woman in the few weeks i've known her. Like me, she also is a big cat lover, and prefer cats to dogs so again, bonus! We also both like wind energy and love our our cars, taking care of them and driving them. There even both silver and have dark tinting, which we both like!

 

Unlike my ex, we both have families that are together and our very close too and love spending time with. She is still with her folks finishing up college for a bachelors in accounting which I have no issues with because I also lived with my folks through collegee and didn't move out on my own until 2005. We both have siblings and very best friends that we cherish very much, so our family backgrounds are just totally compatiable unlike my ex were she came from a broken, poor home and had a hard time wanting to mesh and become part of my family.

 

We also have the firm stance of never having children, ever. This is rare among woman that I'm attracted to, so I because of my childless stance on life, my pickings of woman are much less. I'll be very honest of why I feel that way and its the same reasons I said to her which see completely understood and agreed with. I am pretty settled with my decision to not bring children into this ever changing world. I don't feel I have what it would take to be a good father I saw the dedication and sacrifices my folks did for me and my sister and I feel I just can't do the same. Im a pretty selfious person at times, have been like that since I was a young boy. Not a good trait to attempt to raise children with and you know what, I don't wanna change. I like the way I am, I want more money and time for myself and a closed love one and thats it. I simply don't have the desire to sacrifice my sanity, time, money for raising a family. This world is becoming so scary and hard to raise children in and I see so many men making the stupid and borderline criminal decision to get an unwed woman pregant and then not be their for the child he help create. I refuse to become part of that statistic, i've seen the results of so many unwanted and unloved children all around me and I cannot and WILL NOT take the chance and risk of being a poor father. Its better I stick with cats, as my patience level sometimes gets blown away by just cat ownership. Simply put, I am not fatherhood material and now that i've reached 30, I still feel no inkling or pull to become one. She understands and appreciates my stance, as well as believes in it, which makes me like this woman even more!

 

Sadly, she also is recovering from a failed long term relationship where the guy apparently was wonderful at everything, great job, great support, family ect... But apparently when he got sexually aroused, he turned into a completely different man. Not respecting her wishes and boundaries and basically rapped her a few times. She finally ended it completely a few months ago.

 

She stated from the beginning in our online chats that she was just looking for a friend and see what happens from there. I honored and still honor that as best I can. I'm just completely enamored with this woman, it makes my first relationship seem pale in comparison. My ex wasn't the most attractive, so I didn't have the "chemistry" attraction like I do with girl. I've been pulling out every kind and gentlemen trick I know and want to do from my heart which she has been liking and somewhat unsure of what to feel as I don't think she's ever had a man who's been such a kind, listening gentlemen as I have.

 

I'm being very nice, polite and unfortautnly, a bit more apologetic then I need to be, no thanks to my battle with OCD over the years, so I tend to worry excessively about unecassary stuff which one night when she first came to my house, I explained in detail and she listened closely and understood. We talk and communicate so easily and readily that I just wanna be with this woman all the time, but I wanna respect her boundaries and shes very busy with school, full time job, best friends first baby coming along and she stated in her profile that she has been coined a "workaholic"

 

She's given me lots of hugs and smiles and laughs with me and even showed me a somewhat "private" tattoo of hers, so I have to believe that she feels pretty comfortable with me. Actually, the first night we met and came to my house a few days later for snacks and a movie, she's never met anyone who made her feel so comfortable and at ease. She's had no issue sharing with me some very personal stories, including her rape and abortion, and that was only our second meeting in less then a week.

 

Ok.....im rambing again. I really, realy, really like this woman, and I know my body, brain and OCD are fighting inside me to both wanting to be and respecting this woman as a friendship for starters and wanting to have a close, loving relationship which apparently are called "rebound relationships" that don't work out to well from my web research.

 

Can you guys give me any help or suggestions on what I can do to help quell this huge amount of love, energy and passion I nearly want to drown this woman in but dont' want to scare her away. I know its gotta be something with this rebound thing but I just dunno how to control it. I respect and like this woman to much to push her away and I wanna have patience as I know my heart is still very much hurt deeply from my first long term relationship ending not that long ago.

 

Help please??

Edited December 10, 2010 by AT-AT28

[AT-AT28]

No input, or did I make it to long?

[refurb]

Holy crap I'm not reading all that.

 

A few points:

 

1. You're young.

2. It takes time to get over someone. Be sure and take that time.

 

RF

[AT-AT28]

I'd cut it back cause I would like some more input, but the lame forums won't let me