Potential to maybe end the 'LD' part of my LDR, but should I?

[sfl]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend is thinking of giving up everything she has now and coming to live with me. I think there are countless benefits to this (I genuinely think it'd be amazing living together, I live in her home town with all of her friends, family, she currently pays pays loads to rent her place etc etc) but I'm wondering would it be selfish if I just came out and said: yes, I think actually it'd be a good idea and I want you to move in with me?

 

There's so much to consider, and even me saying that wouldn't mean for sure she's doing it, but she's definitely considering it and asked my opinion, I couldn't answer because obviously I'd be biased, but I'm wondering if I should just say how I feel?

 

Thanks

[fun2bewith]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend is thinking of giving up everything she has now and coming to live with me. I think there are countless benefits to this (I genuinely think it'd be amazing living together, I live in her home town with all of her friends, family, she currently pays pays loads to rent her place etc etc) but I'm wondering would it be selfish if I just came out and said: yes, I think actually it'd be a good idea and I want you to move in with me?

 

There's so much to consider, and even me saying that wouldn't mean for sure she's doing it, but she's definitely considering it and asked my opinion, I couldn't answer because obviously I'd be biased, but I'm wondering if I should just say how I feel?

 

Thanks

 

It is possible that once you live together you will learn to know the real her and the real you... If you are stable and know what you want and won’t mess around with her, then it is good. Remember if she is willing to give up everything just to be with you, you are a lucky man and you should value that relationship with tons of appreciation.

 

Keeping it long distance will eventually cause too much loneliness and too much suspicion…but be fair on you and on her…This is the time you should make a wise decision. You are going to be her anchor and you have one shot to do what is right…

[HeavenOrHell]

What makes you hesitant? It's not as if she is giving up everything for you really as she is moving back to her home town where her friends and family are, so she will be gaining them (as well as you!) again by moving back. Why would it be selfish of you? You are allowed to be happy. Do you have any doubts about it, ie any reason you think it wouldn't work out to move in together? Would it be better if she moved to her home town but you lived separately, or do you both feel ready to move in together?

I think you should say how you feel

 

 

Hi,

 

My girlfriend is thinking of giving up everything she has now and coming to live with me. I think there are countless benefits to this (I genuinely think it'd be amazing living together, I live in her home town with all of her friends, family, she currently pays pays loads to rent her place etc etc) but I'm wondering would it be selfish if I just came out and said: yes, I think actually it'd be a good idea and I want you to move in with me?

 

There's so much to consider, and even me saying that wouldn't mean for sure she's doing it, but she's definitely considering it and asked my opinion, I couldn't answer because obviously I'd be biased, but I'm wondering if I should just say how I feel?

 

Thanks

[madjac74]

If my gf offered to give up everything she has there and move here to be with me, I would be totally selfish and let her

[aerogurl87]

If my gf offered to give up everything she has there and move here to be with me, I would be totally selfish and let her

 

Lol I was thinking the same thing about my boyfriend. If he changed his mind about me moving there and wanted to come live where I am, I wouldn't even try to stop him.

[folieadeux]

It's not selfish at all, especially if you've already weighed the pros and cons together. The fact of all long distance relationships is that someone has to move eventually, or you both do so together somewhere neutral. My SO and I haven’t made official plans yet as to who will be moving where, but I can pretty much guarantee that I will be the one to make the move. I hate where I live now and really wouldn’t be leaving too much behind. It makes sense for me to be the one to move because I’m the one who will be giving up far less and actually want to move where he is to raise a family someday down the line. The only thing keeping me here is my career, which I will hopefully be able to get a transfer for when the time is right. Point being, I would never resent my SO for moving because it is as much my decision as it is his to do so. Whatever gives you the best opportunity to be a success together after the move is the point. If her moving is what will make that happen and she’s on board, that’s the way to go.

[sfl]

Thank you so much for the replies guys, sorry it took so long for me to respond (was without internet, and this site was down yesterday!) but yeah you were totally right. I think this week for her has almost been the last straw and she's as good as made up her mind now anyway - that she's coming back

 

I did actually say all things considered I think it's a good idea, as long as she isn't moving back *just* for me. I do realise how lucky I am though, and so happy right now (fingers crossed she won't change her mind, since she won't be coming back until the summer anyway - but still 2 years earlier than expected!)

 

And yeah good point, I guess it seems like she really wants this so I don't feel bad about it at all now

[sfl]

Okay, things have gone badly to say the least. Due to various circumstances she actually decided to move back way earlier than expected, she had some good ideas of what she could do for a career and her dad completely shot down each and every one, now she's pretty much gone into self destruct mode and wants to be absolutely anywhere but here. Sorry, not sure why I'm posting here, but really not sure what to do, ahh...

[folieadeux]

Okay, things have gone badly to say the least. Due to various circumstances she actually decided to move back way earlier than expected, she had some good ideas of what she could do for a career and her dad completely shot down each and every one, now she's pretty much gone into self destruct mode and wants to be absolutely anywhere but here. Sorry, not sure why I'm posting here, but really not sure what to do, ahh...

 

Sorry to hear about this. What exactly could have happened in less than a day's time to change so drastically?

 

I have to also ask how old she is. You mentioned in a previous post that she's renting her own apartment (and I'm assuming she's paying for that with her own funds). Sounds like she's an independent girl...I'm wondering why her dad has such a say in where she lives as an adult. Something doesn't seem to quite add up there.

[sfl]

Her dad happened.

 

She's 20, her 'rent' was actually stupidly over priced student halls, that her nan paid for. She is very independent (hates living with her parents, will definitely pay back all the money, and always likes to pay her own way in all things) but due to circumstances and her age it isn't easy I guess.

 

It's really starting to get to me now though, she's never clear about what she wants, and whenever I try to help her the past couple of days I feel like everything is just being thrown back in my face. I'm gonna be patient but I'm not really happy.

[folieadeux]

Her dad happened.

 

She's 20, her 'rent' was actually stupidly over priced student halls, that her nan paid for. She is very independent (hates living with her parents, will definitely pay back all the money, and always likes to pay her own way in all things) but due to circumstances and her age it isn't easy I guess.

 

It's really starting to get to me now though, she's never clear about what she wants, and whenever I try to help her the past couple of days I feel like everything is just being thrown back in my face. I'm gonna be patient but I'm not really happy.

 

Thanks for clarifying. Unfortunately, like you said, her age and living situation definitely will hinder your plans. If she isn't able to support herself right now then other people will be making those types of decisions for her. Hang in there. Things can pick up again just as fast.

[crystle600188]

Honestly, its her decision to do it, so its not selfish at all. You're not forcing her to do anything. I know in my situation, I would drop everything I have to be with him in a heart beat, no hesitation.