The loneliness is making me question this relationship

[ShariShellBell]

Hi all..

 

I'm new to the love shack community. I'm not new to LDR's though.

 

I'm 36 and he's 35, both live in the same state. He's a truck driver whose on the road 2-3 weeks at a time and is home for 1-2 days and then on the road again. We have been together about 3 months now.. we have such a good connection that things are feeling like they are moving fast, but its very weird how at ease he and I are with it how fast things are going. What I mean by fast.. he's pretty much living with me now when he's home, and the conversation of having a child has come up once or twice, even though my body is not allowing that right now (separate issue - was on injectable birth control and hasn't worn off yet). Getting married has also come up in the last week.

 

I'm somewhat questioning whether I can keep this going or not. I've definately fallen in love with him and I dont think I could give this up voluntarily without it hurting very deeply. Its these nights where the time diffference and boredom of being home alone is getting to me. I grown up in the military I've learned to deal with the time apart. I knew what I was getting into when I met him. Its the nights where I can't talk to him because of his crappy cell service that drives me bonkers. Tmobile is not a good cell company on the west coast at all.

 

How do you all deal with something like the distance and the time in between phone calls.

 

S

[Taucher]

The best thing to make the lonely times easier is to keep busy. Although I live with other people, after she left I spent a lot of time on my own in my room just thinking. It didnt help so I decided to start keeping myself busy. Some of the things I do to keep me busy are still in my room (teaching myself guitar, learning Spanish from a CD programme). I also find exercise helps, and just going out.

 

I think an issue for you might be the nature of your LDR. This will continue until he stops being a truck driver, right? Most peopler on here dont see their SO every 2 -3 weeks and I for one think you are lucky. However, most people on here are also planning on moving to be with their SO, but your situation seems longer term. So maybe it is these doubts that are getting to you? Can you live with this for years to come?

 

T

[folieadeux]

^^ Very good point.

 

Most of us don't see our SO's halfway as often as you do but our distance is temporary. You definitely have to ask yourself if this is something you can deal with long term (if he plans on keeping this job), especially if you're considering having kids.

 

I wouldn't give the loneliness any power to make that decision for me in regards to the status of my relationship, though. It’s torture being away from the one person you want to spend all your time with, but in the end it’s worth everything we go through. If this is the only factor making you question your relationship, I wouldn’t give it a second though. Being lonely is par for the course sometimes unfortunately, but there are things that you can do to fill in the gaps.

 

Best of luck and don't give up!

[creighton0123]

First, I would have him switch to AT&T or Verizon. This is fundamentally different than a long term relationship. Long-term implies an end to the distance at a fixed point or floating point in time.

 

He may love his job, but he must be kidding himself if he thinks that the same job with the same schedule is acceptable if you have children. Either way, 3 months into a relationship seems wayyyyy too early to start discussing forming a family/household and having children.

 

The moving in with you while he's home is not a big deal, really. Some people move in quickly, some take years, but either way that's more of a "to each their own" factor.

 

Try to measure and see if there are some red flags in his behavior:

 

1. Why did you move in together? Was it because it made sense or because of some other reason having to do with his living situation before you met.

 

2. Was desire to have children just a casual conversation or a serious topic? My boyfriend and I discussed future plans on desire to have/adopt children - but that was more like "Do you want to have kids some day?" and a question generally asked since we're both men. If it was a serious discussion that has repeated a few times and suggested priority for him, it may be some underlying/unaware concern he has with the stability of the relationship. Some people think pregnancy/children makes a relationship more binding and push it for all the wrong reasons.

 

3. When you discuss his travel, his job, and opportunities for him to spend less time on the road, is he receptive or hostile? Many trucking companies are accepting and willing to work with solid employees to discuss more local routes for those with partners/spouses. If he's not willing to change, he's not willing to sacrifice. That's a pretty big flag right there.

 

4. Communication: When he's on the road, who initiates the conversation and how does talking while separated feel.