Hope for Those Deamers Who Believe in Their Relationship's Endurance

[cortez002]

About a month and a half ago to this day I was in complete despair and came across this site.

 

To keep it simple, i was with my girl for over 3 and a half years we lived together for 2, and she just moved out in Feb 04. I was crushed, and I felt abandonded, but after giving it some time and letting time pass, i saw that things eased up on the both of us for a bit.

 

Anyways, our living situation was kinda f**'d up. We lived with my family, (due to the fact that she was in an abusive household) and things were great at first, but eventually my home resembled what she was trying to escape from when she left to live with us in the first place.

 

We weren't ready for what we had gotten ourselves into, and she put up with a lot of **** from my family just to stay by my side. She couldn't take it anymore, and took off...she bailed, and she had every reason too.

 

I, of course, thinking my world was going to end, pleaded with her to tell me why she had gone. She wouldn't and couldn't tell me. She told me that she needed time and space, and every run around answer that a person could think of. After taking some advice i stopped questioning everything so much, stopped bothering her, started looking at myself, and started to listen to what my heart was telling me.

 

Sometimes advice from other people or advice from forums isn't the best way to go. It might help you understand or make you think you understand the situation, but you will never really find out whats goin' on until you give it some time, and keep the lines of communication open. It is essential if things are going to work out, but don't overdo it. You don't want to frustrate your partner, especially if they are having a hard time coping. They might not show it, but if you have been together for a while and were in love at one point, chances are they are having a hard time too.

 

Anyways, i wasn't gonna let this girl go. She's my soulmate, and I've known it. So after some ample time i asked her, "what are your intentions, your plans for us...be honest." We've probably had this discussion a couple of times this week. Sometimes she would initiate it, but she would never give me a clear answer.

 

So tonite i demanded it. It had been over a month and i wanted to know if she was just draggin' me along. I needed to know if there was a future. In the past, i might have come on too strong talkin' about marriage, kids, and basically anything to get her to say what i wanted to hear. But, finally a simple question gave me my answer; "Do you want to live with me again, later on when we are both on our feet again?"

 

She said, "Of course, I never said I didn't want to, it's just that i couldn't take it anymore...putting up with your family." Of course, she never said that she did want to live with me again, so I, of course, thought the worst.

 

This is why you have to give it time and go with your gut. If you really care about the person, and the feeling is (or was) mutual at some point, there is hope. Give it time, lay your cards on the table, and deal with what you are dealt. I was ready tonite to just break up with her and give up. It hurt too much not knowing. I feel better now that i do, but it means we have a lot of issues to work out and a lot of compromising and talking to do. That is fine with me. Communication is the key...just know what questions to ask and when to stop asking. The reply you get can go either way, so be prepared for the worst. That way, you're ready for it if things don't go the way you plan. On the other hand, if they do...well, you're lucky. You have someone worth fighting for. I know i do.

 

"Logic and over-analysis can immobilize and sterilize an idea. It's like

love-- the more you analyze it, the faster it disappears."

 

William Bernbach (1911-1982)

 

Pioneer of modern advertising, No. 1 on Advertising Age's 20th century honor

roll of most influential people

[Curt]

A classic post. It speaks volumes.

 

Well said.

 

Curt

[cortez002]

thanks curt........

 

this site really helped alot...at first i could associate with what i read and eventually took my own spin on things......i just had to experience what people were talkin bout before i could post something useful and really understand how to make the best of things...this site is great....i can only hope that people learn, absorb, and reflect from it as much as i did.

[sinkerswim]

Wow...I needed to read that.

Last time I saw my boyfriend/fiance was Feb.3rd. That day my world came crashing down when he said he needed space from me. Because I am too controlling all the time. Which is true.

But I told him I was going to get help.

 

We talked only a couple times after that, and he didnt know if he wanted to break up with me or not. We have been together 8 years...I still wear my ring, because he never told me to take it off. We are not broken up...just separated at the moment.

I spoke to him on Valentines Day, because I called him. He had three chances to break up with me since Feb 3rd and he didnt.

He said he still wanted his space and that he didnt know yet, if he wanted to break up with me. He told me he wouldnt leave me hanging...but yet I havent heard from him since.

I sent another note to him with my new number and address, because I got my own apartment. I cant believe hes not here to see my place.

It is unbearable.

He is the love of my life. My first real love and my first with everything.

I cant even believe this is happening with us.

I am holding on...because I truly believe we can work this out.

I guess he doesnt want anybody to answer to for awhile.

Thats fine. As long as he remembers me and doesnt forget about me.

But in the mean time, I am going through a horrible depression and anxieties without him.

I would give anything in the world for things to be back to normal with us.

ANYTHING.

Your post gave me some hope.