TheBigQuestion Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Yes. I don't want to feel like a mean person and I don't want to be seen as a mean person. I don't want to feel awkward or uncomfortable. I don't like being put on the spot. I don't like having to deal with bad reactions if I were to reject someone. If I am mildly interested and the guy asks for my number, it is easier and less stressful for me to give him my number and then flake later (if I decide I am not interested anymore). No one likes to feel like they are being mean to someone else, unless they're sadistic or otherwise psychologically disturbed. However, all you're proving by saying this is that you are perfectly fine with avoiding accountability for your desires (or lack thereof) and actions. The bottom line is, any guy who approaches you in a manner which indicates he's romantically/sexually interested to whom you respond positively is owed more than you pulling a disappearing act. If you haven't outright rejected or ignored him in the first place, then you owe it to the guy to get rid of any ambiguity or mystery. Why? Because it's the decent thing to do and demonstrates that you aren't afraid of taking responsibility instead of thrusting the responsibility of "figuring out what's going on" on the guy. This applies even more strictly when the guy is someone with whom you've previously gone on dates. What you and every other flaker in the world needs to understand is that you are actually being more cold and abrasive by flaking. You are not doing the other person any favors, nor are you doing yourself any favors. All you demonstrate is a lack of accountability, as well as selfishness.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 No one likes to feel like they are being mean to someone else, unless they're sadistic or otherwise psychologically disturbed. However, all you're proving by saying this is that you are perfectly fine with avoiding accountability for your desires (or lack thereof) and actions. The bottom line is, any guy who approaches you in a manner which indicates he's romantically/sexually interested to whom you respond positively is owed more than you pulling a disappearing act. If you haven't outright rejected or ignored him in the first place, then you owe it to the guy to get rid of any ambiguity or mystery. Why? Because it's the decent thing to do and demonstrates that you aren't afraid of taking responsibility instead of thrusting the responsibility of "figuring out what's going on" on the guy. This applies even more strictly when the guy is someone with whom you've previously gone on dates. What you and every other flaker in the world needs to understand is that you are actually being more cold and abrasive by flaking. You are not doing the other person any favors, nor are you doing yourself any favors. All you demonstrate is a lack of accountability, as well as selfishness. The OPer realises all of this. This isn't about the morality of flaking, she is just acknowledging the fact that it happens and in the case that it does, it probably means the chick probably isn't interested. Angie has also not said that it is the right thing to do, she has said it is the EASY thing to.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 The OPer realises all of this. This isn't about the morality of flaking, she is just acknowledging the fact that it happens and in the case that it does, it probably means the chick probably isn't interested. Angie has also not said that it is the right thing to do, she has said it is the EASY thing to. Yes, it is the easy thing to do, but that's where the ethical discussion inevitably arises. Why is it easy to do? Because it's easier for people to go through life without being accountable. It is something that happens, but it's something that people should outgrow if they actually put any value in being responsible or unselfish.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Yes, it is the easy thing to do, but that's where the ethical discussion inevitably arises. Why is it easy to do? Because it's easier for people to go through life without being accountable. It is something that happens, but it's something that people should outgrow if they actually put any value in being responsible or unselfish. I agree with all of this but I'm pretty sure the OPer herself, has already admitted to this. There are always going to be flaky people, unfortunately it's something the world is not going to outgrow. I think OPer was just trying to be helpful as to how to respond to flaky behaviour.
youngskywalker Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 But a majority of the time, the girl is not interested and will not respond. Maybe you should try it sometime and see how it works for you. If you did the guy would stop contacting you. The problem of all these men hounding you would disappear.
Green Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Personally, I think flaking is unnecessary. I did it a long time ago in HS to this girl, and felt terrible about it. If that's what certain people prefer to do, tho, then that's how it is. I'd rather a woman tell me she's not interested so I could fully understand instead of second guessing--but I also know how to take a hint. Believe me this is completely different then a girl like the OP who has a base line POLICY that its easier to agree to a date or give out ur number to a guy obviously looking for a date only to later flake out. If a girl asked me out and she was HOTT I would say "I have a girlfriend, but thanks for stroking my ego" if a girl asked me out and I wasn't into her I would say "No thanks." (not that girls ever really ask guys out, they can get away with something like writing their name and number on a napkin with a msg "call me" and that would be considered brave for a woman, heck a woman is considered brave if she just stares you down till you talk to her... Yet we have the OP complaining about men who take time to ask them out and then don't automaticly quickly jump to the conclusion that they are being flaked on for a reason... Oh and even if you know a girl is flaking on you its almost funny to just keep respectfuly trying to get a date haha untill you get really bored... she magicly says yes (does happen and girls do find themselve attracted to guys who they were originaly not... more face time you get in more of a chance of this)....or WOW she grows some balls and finaly answers the phone or lets you know in some other clear way shes not into it. Yes. I don't want to feel like a mean person and I don't want to be seen as a mean person. I don't want to feel awkward or uncomfortable. I don't like being put on the spot. I don't like having to deal with bad reactions if I were to reject someone. If I am mildly interested and the guy asks for my number, it is easier and less stressful for me to give him my number and then flake later (if I decide I am not interested anymore). Green - guys can do whatever they want! They can keep contacting the girl who flakes on them. Whatever. But a majority of the time, the girl is not interested and will not respond. Why is everyone getting so angry that I said this?! It is true, isn't it!? Not the picture ur orignial post paints or ur continued tone paints The OPer realises all of this. This isn't about the morality of flaking, she is just acknowledging the fact that it happens and in the case that it does, it probably means the chick probably isn't interested. Angie has also not said that it is the right thing to do, she has said it is the EASY thing to. The OP has more of a RANT then any USABLE advice. Her rant is basicly, "some girls give you their number and act like they like you but in reality they arn't going to pick up the phone or they are always going to make excuses and cmon guys figure it out SOONER then LATER" this is completley unhelpful. Really she should be making a thread questioning why she gives her number out and gives guys hope who she 100% knows she doesn't want to date. And when she does like a guy or see some hope but completly changes her mind she should strive to be the kind of person who is foward... cause in reality it isn't the guys feelings she is worried about it is her OWN and her own FEAR of what it means to reject. Seriously I could care less if a girl rejects or flakes out on me... I could care less if I try calling a girl a few times thinking my call didn't go through or some other logical explenation when in fact the girl is on the other side saying "jeez won't he get the picture." The picture is her advice is non advice... in fact its worse then non advice this is the exact kind of thing that paralyzes some guys.... the fear of "well she seems like she likes me but maybe she is just on this date, or mabye she is just agreeing to a date... ect.. because she is to afraid to say no and will just flake out some time later"
youngskywalker Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 angielove- Somewhat off topic but just curious, 1- Have you ever called a guy up and asked him out on a date with the intention of breaking it later on? Hoping that he'll get mad and lose interest?
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 The OP has more of a RANT then any USABLE advice. Her rant is basicly, "some girls give you their number and act like they like you but in reality they arn't going to pick up the phone or they are always going to make excuses and cmon guys figure it out SOONER then LATER" this is completley unhelpful. Really she should be making a thread questioning why she gives her number out and gives guys hope who she 100% knows she doesn't want to date. And when she does like a guy or see some hope but completly changes her mind she should strive to be the kind of person who is foward... cause in reality it isn't the guys feelings she is worried about it is her OWN and her own FEAR of what it means to reject. Seriously I could care less if a girl rejects or flakes out on me... I could care less if I try calling a girl a few times thinking my call didn't go through or some other logical explenation when in fact the girl is on the other side saying "jeez won't he get the picture." The picture is her advice is non advice... in fact its worse then non advice this is the exact kind of thing that paralyzes some guys.... the fear of "well she seems like she likes me but maybe she is just on this date, or mabye she is just agreeing to a date... ect.. because she is to afraid to say no and will just flake out some time later" okay, I see where you're coming from. Angie - another alternative to flaking and it's a pretty easy way out as you don't have to explain yourself is , 'sorry I have a boyfriend.'
Green Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 okay, I see where you're coming from. Angie - another alternative to flaking and it's a pretty easy way out as you don't have to explain yourself is , 'sorry I have a boyfriend.' That would be a step up, but still not ideal. Why not just say "no thank you." (I bet she would feel better)
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 That would be a step up, but still not ideal. Why not just say "no thank you." (I bet she would feel better) IME a lot of guys don't budge at "no thankyou". They'll respond with "aww, come on. just one date, I'll make it worth your while", "please", or they'll ask again later in the night. Guys are persistent!
runner Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 "please"- seriously ?? i would proceed to jump off a bridge if i ever found myself pleading or whingeing like this just for a silly date.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 "please"- seriously ?? i would proceed to jump off a bridge if i ever found myself pleading or whingeing like this just for a silly date. It's said in a sort of joking playful way, more related to getting a number rather than asking for a date. In my workplace it's inevitable that girls get asked out several times in a shift, I've heard all sorts of things and kid you not "please" is not rare.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Yes. I don't want to feel like a mean person and I don't want to be seen as a mean person. I don't want to feel awkward or uncomfortable. I don't like being put on the spot. I don't like having to deal with bad reactions if I were to reject someone. If I am mildly interested and the guy asks for my number, it is easier and less stressful for me to give him my number and then flake later (if I decide I am not interested anymore). Green - guys can do whatever they want! They can keep contacting the girl who flakes on them. Whatever. But a majority of the time, the girl is not interested and will not respond. Why is everyone getting so angry that I said this?! It is true, isn't it!? No, it's not really true. Other women flake for real reasons that don't have much to do with interest level. The guys get upset because you are being cowardly and untruthful... then trying to pass it off as if it's their responsibility to read your mind. Basically your the Lion, the Scarecrow, and the Tin Man all rolled into one.
Surrealist Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Oh lawd these guys need to be hung by their balls or hung, drawn and quartered. The audacity is of these men! It is an outrage!!
UBFeelinMe Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 (edited) The way I see it: This is just illustrates why women will NEVER be considered equals in society. They never want to be held accountable for their actions and be forthright with people. They always cop out with these lame excuses like "ohhh i don't want to be mean so i'm gonna flake out instead of tell him how i really feel cuz i'm just a little baby wawawawawa!" This holds true in every arena of life, not just dating. "Biatch, don't hate on me because I'm getting paid more than you for the same work. I actually MANNED UP and told the boss how I really feel and demanded a raise." Bottom Line: Grow some balls! Edited December 11, 2010 by UBFeelinMe
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