loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Define "worked", my goal is never to just add notches to the bedpost. I've had women that flaked on me several times become extremely interested in a relationship later. I guess I'm asking if they listened to you and admitted they were wrong and explained the reasons for their flakiness. When a guy keeps contacting me after I've flaked I just ignore him and don't answer his calls/texts.
runner Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Fact is that unless you are really disgusting for some reason... she likes the attention your brining her way. She doesn't want to say No to your attention, but she isn't that interested in you personally. So... she throws out confusing signals and strings you along. She gets the constant ego boost of you trying to chase her, and is free to pursue men she finds more to her liking. bingo. qft, *bump*, and all that jazz adding to that, at least IME ... sometimes they come back after you've pulled away and dissappeared.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I'm sure that's part of it too. There isn't just one reason. Many times it's 3 reason's all at once. Anyway... with a guy like me... it's going to get even more awkward by flaking. I'm not just going to let that go... I will push the issue and measure the response. Also, I have flaked on guys and then become extremely interested later, but only guys who didn't confront me about my flakiness (come to think of it, I have never been confronted and I am a pretty flaky person. I have had guys had be very persistent after my obvious disinterest though). The guys I became interested in later were those who stopped contacting me all together and then I sent them a text later on (usually months after out of boredom), ended up going on a date and interest grew from there. Yeah, that awkward thing would just not happen to me because once again I'd just ignore it.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 bingo. qft, *bump*, and all that jazz adding to that, at least IME ... sometimes they come back after you've pulled away and dissappeared. so true! I'm guilty of this behaviour.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Why is it always about race with you. You really didn't have to say it. I don't think anybody was being fooled. It is a nice mask to wear, so he can say whatever he pleases. Well, in that particular case I mentioned race since our new friend commented on the color of his gigantic johnson.
runner Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Attention hors flake fo no reason other than they using dudes ta stroke their egos. But it's true dat, if a dude ain't generated enough spark or attraction, and the woman ain't interested, she'll flake. Men learning game gotta mac on loads of womyns in order to counteract that shyt. Hit on so many women dat when one flakes, it ain't a big deal, cuz there's loads of other womyns he got on the go and even in his own stable, that it's water off a ducks back when womyn flakes. Playas just startin' out gotta get as many digits as they can, so they get immune to this shyt. Not every ho gonna be interested in yo ass, so you gotta get with the ones that show interest. Cold approachin' womyn that ain't givin no sign of wanting to get in your orbit is high stakes anyway. Problem is, too many homies get hangin' off one ho's attention. They gotta realise that you gotta have lots of womyns lined up all the time. Mac on as many as ya can. you should meet Gold Pile ... and then make a movie or something
runner Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 so true! I'm guilty of this behaviour. my mother repeatedly flaked on my dad for months; she was engaged to someone else at the time and even told my dad to stop bothering her ... long story short: mangaged to raise 3 children and still married 35+ years later. side note to desperate men on here: my story is exceptional and i'm not purposely encouraging the creepers; unless you're king alpha and have tonnes going for you, please do not force yourself on a woman. thanks
TheWatcher Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Also, I have flaked on guys and then become extremely interested later, but only guys who didn't confront me about my flakiness (come to think of it, I have never been confronted and I am a pretty flaky person. I have had guys had be very persistent after my obvious disinterest though). The guys I became interested in later were those who stopped contacting me all together and then I sent them a text later on (usually months after out of boredom), ended up going on a date and interest grew from there. Yeah, that awkward thing would just not happen to me because once again I'd just ignore it. Gentlemen,let this be a lesson to all of you. If happen to meet someone have a pleasant exchange/conversation,feel some sort of connection & receive her phone number. Don't get too excited or start feeling good about yourself. You haven't finally met someone.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I guess I'm asking if they listened to you and admitted they were wrong and explained the reasons for their flakiness. When a guy keeps contacting me after I've flaked I just ignore him and don't answer his calls/texts. If you flake, I will give you 1 contact attempt. At that point the balls pretty much in your court. In online dating... I see those women just kind of vanish. That's cool by me. Either they were not that interested... or they found a guy they want more. Offline... many times it's someone I will run into again. At that point que awkward conversation... followed by either friendliness or no more contact ever. Also, I have flaked on guys and then become extremely interested later, but only guys who didn't confront me about my flakiness (come to think of it, I have never been confronted and I am a pretty flaky person. I have had guys had be very persistent after my obvious disinterest though). The guys I became interested in later were those who stopped contacting me all together and then I sent them a text later on (usually months after out of boredom), ended up going on a date and interest grew from there. Yeah, that awkward thing would just not happen to me because once again I'd just ignore it. My thought on it is this. If you can't account for your actions or be honest and forthright... I don't want to date someone like that. As I said before... I would politely reach out to you one time after flaking. I've learned that flaky women are also very insecure, flighty, and prone to lies. All hallmark traits of cheaters. I would greatly appreciate being ignored. If I'm not ignored... then I'm going to require some type of accountability. Otherwise, there are plenty of other schmucks to go cheat on.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Flakiness on the part of either gender is cowardly and dishonest behavior. Anyone who tries to rationalize it as being something else is wrong and likely missing a few brain cells. Pretty much every guy on the planet would prefer a woman to say that she is not interested if that is in fact the case. If you're flakey, it's best to try to change your behavior patterns if you actually put any value into the fortitude of your personal character.
irc333 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 my mother repeatedly flaked on my dad for months; she was engaged to someone else at the time and even told my dad to stop bothering her ... long story short THis isn't a "long story short" , it's an incomplete story. LOL Mother tells him to stop bothering, guy will stop bothering because she'll file a restraining order, he finds another woman to marry? LOL So seriously, how is this a shortened story?
Woggle Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 This is why I don't feel sorry for women who get humped and dumped. Everybody here keeps telling me it is not about gender but about right or wrong but you can't tell me that if the genders were reversed that the responses would be the same. Let's just be honest and admit that gender matters.
Surrealist Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 THis isn't a "long story short" , it's an incomplete story. LOL Mother tells him to stop bothering, guy will stop bothering because she'll file a restraining order, he finds another woman to marry? LOL So seriously, how is this a shortened story? Dude! It is the mother! They obviously ended up getting married otherwise it wouldn't be a mum and dad story!
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 If you flake, I will give you 1 contact attempt. At that point the balls pretty much in your court. In online dating... I see those women just kind of vanish. That's cool by me. Either they were not that interested... or they found a guy they want more. Offline... many times it's someone I will run into again. At that point que awkward conversation... followed by either friendliness or no more contact ever. Okay, this sounds normal and is the best way to handle flakiness imo. This is actually what I was referring to though... "In my experience it's best to be VERY upfront about flakiness. If a girl flakes on you once or twice. Call her to the carpet on it. You will typically find out just where she is at. Do not allow excuses and be very blunt and forceful if need be." It is different to what you have said in your last post so I will take your last word as your word. My thought on it is this. If you can't account for your actions or be honest and forthright... I don't want to date someone like that. As I said before... I would politely reach out to you one time after flaking. I've learned that flaky women are also very insecure, flighty, and prone to lies. All hallmark traits of cheaters. I would greatly appreciate being ignored. If I'm not ignored... then I'm going to require some type of accountability. Otherwise, there are plenty of other schmucks to go cheat on. I agree with this for the most part... but, flaky women are not flaky with everyone. For people they really like, they probably don't appear flaky at all. It's all relative. (But they shouldn't treat anybody that way.) Another thing about flaky women, they respond to flakiness well. They are often attracted to guys who flake on them. IME.
runner Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Dude! It is the mother! They obviously ended up getting married otherwise it wouldn't be a mum and dad story! 'whooooooosh' is the sound it makes as it flies over the head okay i'm being mean- perhaps i should have just flaked
youngskywalker Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 In the court of law every aspect of negligence is no excuse for causing someone harm. If I go and drive drunk and kill someone I still go to jail even if my intentions weren't as such. It's called taking responsibility for your actions. I've met a lot of women in life who I perceived as irresponsible. They always want to blame someone else for what goes on. I think this spills over into the dating scene. The OP takes the stance that if a guy keeps calling her after a few dates IT'S HIS FAULT. After all, it's HE who can't take the hint. Think about that one for awhile. I think these type of women need to be more responsible to THEIR OWN ACTIONS in the dating scene instead of turning the table that it's the guys fault and somehow we are the ones who are flawed.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Okay, this sounds normal and is the best way to handle flakiness imo. This is actually what I was referring to though... "In my experience it's best to be VERY upfront about flakiness. If a girl flakes on you once or twice. Call her to the carpet on it. You will typically find out just where she is at. Do not allow excuses and be very blunt and forceful if need be." It is different to what you have said in your last post so I will take your last word as your word. That does sound like an inconsistency. I was trying to describe different scenarios and just did a bad job. If she ignores me... I try one contact usually asking why the flakiness. Otherwise I move on. Usually I've got a pretty big line of women interested when I'm single... so I don't devote much time to anyone who seems low interest. IF she is throwing up mixed signals, flaking but acting interested, contacting me a lot... I will ask her to explain herself and call her out. Usually this provides good results in either getting rid of low interest women, or drawing clear boundaries for those who are interested... with is usually the larger group. I don't play dating games like the waiting 3 days to call. I just do what feels right. I agree with this for the most part... but, flaky women are not flaky with everyone. For people they really like, they probably don't appear flaky at all. It's all relative. (But they shouldn't treat anybody that way.) Another thing about flaky women, they respond to flakiness well. They are often attracted to guys who flake on them. IME. I know flaky men and flaky women. They can both pull their crap together short term for someone they like... but the underlying traits that cause the flakiness... that never goes away. Eventually you will run into the same issues later down the road. Women who enjoy that push pull game really struggle in relationships. I'm very sure it's a clear indicator of low self esteem.
fishtaco Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Of course. This is part of the game. That's why I never bother with a 2nd call if I don't get a response. I just go hit on someone else. I've also done the same thing to women too. It's actually quite convenient when it's working in your favor. I recommend this for everyone. It's true that flaky women (or men) aren't necessarily flaky with everyone. But if the person is flaky toward you, just drop that person and move on to the next. I could care less if she decided to not be flaky with some other dude. If she's flaky with me, that's all I care about, and I switch my attention to someone else.
Author angielove Posted December 11, 2010 Author Posted December 11, 2010 I think this spills over into the dating scene. The OP takes the stance that if a guy keeps calling her after a few dates IT'S HIS FAULT. After all, it's HE who can't take the hint. Think about that one for awhile. I think these type of women need to be more responsible to THEIR OWN ACTIONS in the dating scene instead of turning the table that it's the guys fault and somehow we are the ones who are flawed. Errrrrr, again I'll state that I'm not saying anyone has a "problem". I have already covered the reasons I would flake on a guy in my second post. If that is a "flaw" then so be it. Everyone has flaws. People do not treat others fairly and kindly 100% of the time. The purpose of my original post was not to boast about my flaking or complain that it is the guys fault. I wanted to give an explanation for why flaking occurs. I wanted guys to know that if a girl flakes on them, they should give up and move on. They should not get upset or keep contacting them. Wouldn't you say that is good advice?! It seems like good advice according to all these stories, in which the girl gets extremely interested AFTER you stop contacting her AFTER she flakes! In a perfect world, girls would not flake. They would straight up tell guys that they were not interested. And in a perfect world, the guy would not feel upset or rejected and would accept it in good humour. But it's not a perfect world, so I started this thread.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 ^A better piece of advice than all of that is to not flake on people in the first place.
Author angielove Posted December 11, 2010 Author Posted December 11, 2010 Agreed! But I just don't think that is going to happen. I wouldn't stop flaking on guys because, as I said before, I want to protect my own feelings before a stranger's feelings. So my advice is the next best thing.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Agreed! But I just don't think that is going to happen. I wouldn't stop flaking on guys because, as I said before, I want to protect my own feelings before a stranger's feelings. So my advice is the next best thing. What feelings are you protecting exactly? The fact that you don't want to feel bad for turning someone down directly?
Green Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Really I see NO need to analyze WHY a girl is flaking. Some people are just flakey, and it is MY OWN INTEREST which will DISAPEAR if continued flaking happens. As a man you have every INCENTIVE to NOT GIVE UP at first FLAKIENESS. Yes women give out their numbers or agree to dates only to STOP answering the phone or stop being receptive with out a CLEAR rejection. It takes GUTS to actualy reject a person when compared with HIDING from them. And the worst part is the OP's attitude "won't these guys just get the point already" (sounds annoyed)... But the guy has every reason to continue trying untill he gets bored and tired of the flakyness. Like if I really liked a girl and she kept cancling or worse she never answered the phone I would have every reason to make up some logical excuse or why that had happened and I LOSE NOTHING by TRYING. With my current GF who I have been with for over 2 years... I first asked her out and invited her to a party. She didn't give me a straight foward answer but I got her number. I called her the day of the party to see if she was comming. I got NO ANSWER... she ended up sending me a txt when I was already at the party that "we should do something some other time" from my perspective she could have been a flake... I mean flakes often like to seem as if something LOGICAL happened... also I had class with her so maybe she was just sending the txt to seem nice so she wouldn't out right reject me. But I decided to try again and the truth was she had flaked out because she was AFRAID of going to a party with me. So we did end up going out and we really hit it off right from the start but if I had just backed off at the first sign of typical female timidness I would have never gotten to enjoy all the things she had to offer. Bottom line a dense guy who A) doesn't get all bothered B) only worries about his own attraction C) is some what PERSISTANT has everything to gain.... When compared with a guy who A) Gets UPSET B) Is afraid the girl might be flaking on purpose as a way of rejecting him and doesn't worry about what he thinks C) GIVES UP <--- this man LOSES Flaking is cowardly, girls who go on dates with guys they don't even like is even more cowardly... its all a sliding scale of cowardess and then they like to push their feelings of insecurity on the guy and ask "WHY DOESNT HE JUST GET IT I DON"T LIKE HIM" HE HAS NO REASON TO GET IT.... Him assuming you do like him gives him every advantage... especialy if he isn't just focused on soley you and is trying to meet other girls too until such time he enters a seriouse comitted relationship say after a few dates have gone well.
Cracker Jack Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Personally, I think flaking is unnecessary. I did it a long time ago in HS to this girl, and felt terrible about it. If that's what certain people prefer to do, tho, then that's how it is. I'd rather a woman tell me she's not interested so I could fully understand instead of second guessing--but I also know how to take a hint.
Author angielove Posted December 11, 2010 Author Posted December 11, 2010 What feelings are you protecting exactly? The fact that you don't want to feel bad for turning someone down directly? Yes. I don't want to feel like a mean person and I don't want to be seen as a mean person. I don't want to feel awkward or uncomfortable. I don't like being put on the spot. I don't like having to deal with bad reactions if I were to reject someone. If I am mildly interested and the guy asks for my number, it is easier and less stressful for me to give him my number and then flake later (if I decide I am not interested anymore). Green - guys can do whatever they want! They can keep contacting the girl who flakes on them. Whatever. But a majority of the time, the girl is not interested and will not respond. Why is everyone getting so angry that I said this?! It is true, isn't it!?
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