angielove Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I keep reading threads where guys complain about girls who flake on them. Errrr, isn't it obvious why they flake all the time?! They just don't want to see you, but they don't want to be mean by stating that outright. This happens to me quite often. I'll meet a guy who seems okay. I'm initially interested and will give him my number if he asks for it. Then the msging and calling starts. Usually by that time, I will have decided if I actually want to get to know him or not. If I do, I will pick up/answer back and set up a date. If not, I will ignore the call and msg back later with an excuse not to see him. He will try a few more times and I will make up a few more excuses. Then he will stop trying. That is what I want! If I'm not interested in a guy, I want him to stop contacting me. I can't just tell them the truth because that would be mean. I would feel mean saying "Please stop contacting me. I'm not interested" even if it's the right thing to do. So I flake. I flake every time until they stop trying. So to summarize, girls who flake all the time are not interested. The end.
deebeechrisyo Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Fair enough, but you have to realize you are being mean by flaking on him. Much more so than simply telling him you aren't interested. Flaking is infuriating, and it hurts feelings. Any normal guy will appreciate it very much that you simply told him you weren't interested. Any normal guy will stop contacting you if you tell him you aren't interested.
youngskywalker Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You're missing the point. Most of the people that complain about flaking coincides with a girl ALSO showing interest. I had a girl flaking on me just how you described. So I figured it was over and a few days later she calls me and says "it's been so long since I've seen you we should get together". So I chased a little more and guess what she flaked again and I never did get the third date. My fault? Not by a freaking long shot honey. I would have been gone a long time ago if she didn't keep coming back for more. If the situation progressed as you described in your OP then most guys would be able to take the hint and move on. The problem is with you. You're on the fence, maybe yes, maybe not, I don't know, maybe sorta, sure I'd love to go out, opps I just got busy. Nothing wrong with a girl who is taking her time to consider a guy but when the time comes when you decide you don't like him anymore then get half a heart and tell him you don't see thing working out. Sorry but YOU are the one who has the deficiency here.
Sabali Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You're missing the point. Most of the people that complain about flaking coincides with a girl ALSO showing interest. . She is definitely on target. Guys miss the point when we allow ourselves to be thrown off with the coinciding show of interest. Flakiness trumps all other behavior. You can drive yourself mad allowing the rare exceptions to throw you off as well. Flakiness = time to jet.
youngskywalker Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 She is definitely on target. Guys miss the point when we allow ourselves to be thrown off with the coinciding show of interest. Flakiness trumps all other behavior. You can drive yourself mad allowing the rare exceptions to throw you off as well. Flakiness = time to jet. You're insane. Calling a guy up and asking for a date is hardly a coincidence of showing interest. (referring to my post) I'm sticking to what I said, that girls that complain guys won't stop calling them are giving false signals. You said, Flakiness = time to jet. That much I agree with you on but it took me a little time to learn that. Cheers.
Sabali Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You're insane. Calling a guy up and asking for a date is hardly a coincidence of showing interest. (referring to my post) Call me insane all you want. No sweat off of my back, young jedi, if you decide to keep knocking on a door which no one is going to answer. I will continue to live. You gave an example in your first post actually supporting what I said. The girl was being flakey but confused you with signs of interest yet you didn't get the third date. Her flakiness actually trumped her display of interest. Anyway, as I said, OP is on target. Live your life how you wish. You don't have to believe a word I say.
Surrealist Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Well just don't flake one too many times less you find yourself become a middle-aged heffer and no guy will ever want to date you anyway.
Mad Max Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 If a girl flakes all the time, she is NOT INTERESTED! She may be interested, though only in having you as a backup. Simple solution would be to not flake at all, though easier said than done. If I see even the first sign of flakiness, I'm moving on. I'm either the priority or I'm leaving.
JungleLover Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You're insane. Calling a guy up and asking for a date is hardly a coincidence of showing interest. (referring to my post) I'm sticking to what I said, that girls that complain guys won't stop calling them are giving false signals. You said, Flakiness = time to jet. That much I agree with you on but it took me a little time to learn that. Cheers. But isn't a girl showing interest or agreeing to a date only to keep backing out the very definition of being flakey? That is what flakes do.
stuck with eharmony Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Hey OP i see your point, if you tell your a guy that your not interested you feel like thats mean. Also realize that flaking on a guy and slowly withdrawing is mean as well. You may not see the immediate effects because its the easier of the solutions. Realize that no matter what you do either way its going to hurt the guy, thats life. If you are concerned about trying to hurt the guy less then tell him upfront. Its like taking off a band aid. It hurts more if you slowly pull it off rather than just ripping it off all at once.
JungleLover Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I have come to terms with the fact that a lot of girls flake when it comes to dating when they are not interested. I don't think it is done to be intentionally mean. I don't imagine the girl in her basement scheming up a way to screw up the guy's head up. Most of the time, I think they just have trouble rejecting men directly. It is just what some girls do. If I see it, I just move on even if they initially have at least moderate interest.
Pfiend101 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Recently I saw this girl and we were making out she kept complimenting me then she kept saying "Call me call me, make sure you call me" Then when I try to arrange a date she would have an excuse. So I just asked her outright are you interested in seeing me again and she said that she was absolutely interested. I tried one more time two weeks later and same thing. I gave up. The LYING through your teeth is the problem. Just be honest. People these days......
youngskywalker Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 But isn't a girl showing interest or agreeing to a date only to keep backing out the very definition of being flakey? That is what flakes do. AH HA! The light bulb goes off
youngskywalker Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) Call me insane all you want. No sweat off of my back, young jedi, if you decide to keep knocking on a door which no one is going to answer. I will continue to live. You gave an example in your first post actually supporting what I said. The girl was being flakey but confused you with signs of interest yet you didn't get the third date. Her flakiness actually trumped her display of interest. Anyway, as I said, OP is on target. Live your life how you wish. You don't have to believe a word I say. I wasn't knocking on a door that no one would answer. She was knocking on my door. You're straying too far from the OP. It stated (my interpretation) that she gives a guy a number, maybe has one date and decides she doesn't like him. After that she gives him the cold shoulder. Nowhere does she state she CALLS him TEXTS him with sweetie I like you so much bla bla bla. I think we're talking about two different things here. My point was that men will take the hint very early on if the girl doesn't reinforce that she's interested. I think the OP is guilty of leading men of for kicks (although she never admitted to it) But you're right on one thing. When a girl is flakey it trumps her display of interest. I've learned that...GAME.... do you see how it's a game and not right to do that to people? Peace. Edited December 10, 2010 by youngskywalker
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 She may be interested, though only in having you as a backup. Simple solution would be to not flake at all, though easier said than done. If I see even the first sign of flakiness, I'm moving on. I'm either the priority or I'm leaving. this is true. Sometimes I flake on guys who I'm sort of interested in, just not that interested.
that girl Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Well just don't flake one too many times less you find yourself become a middle-aged heffer and no guy will ever want to date you anyway. Do you honestly think women read this and think "Wow, he has a point!"? It isn't just girls who flake, but focusing on the girls, there are two options. 1- She doesn't know how to say no. She think flaking is kinder than outright saying no. 2- She is looking for attention. Most of the time, I think it is number 1.
loverofloveandstuff Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 1- She doesn't know how to say no. She think flaking is kinder than outright saying no. I don't think the girl think it's kinder, not usually anyway. I think she thinks it easier for her and she's too cowardly to be honest. Been there.
Surrealist Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Do you honestly think women read this and think "Wow, he has a point!"? Don't know, I don't have any control over that but there is probably a few women who are kicking themselves in their older age now wishing they had those opportunities return to them. But anyway, I just thought that since OP was so thoughtful and considerate to start a thread to disseminate good advice to LS members, I thought I would reciprocate in kind.
Sabali Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You're straying too far from the OP. It stated (my interpretation) that she gives a guy a number, maybe has one date and decides she doesn't like him. After that she gives him the cold shoulder. Nowhere does she state she CALLS him TEXTS him with sweetie I like you so much bla bla bla. I think we're talking about two different things here. My point was that men will take the hint very early on if the girl doesn't reinforce that she's interested. I think the OP is guilty of leading men of for kicks. But you're right on one thing. When a girl is flakey it trumps her display of interest. I've learned that...GAME.... do you see how it's a game and not right to do that to people? Peace. I see your point. I fully understood the OP's post but what I didn't understand was your post. I see the point you are getting across now and the frustration of dealing with mixed signals. My point covers flaky behavior in general. Again, you don't have to agree with it but I do not think most flakey women or those who send mix signals are actually playing games. It is a pattern that is seen during dating for different reasons but it generally means that they are not interested in you. That is what is most important. This behavior is only a problem if you do not recognize the behavior and do not learn how to react to it. I will put it this way and then I will move on from this subject: At some point, we have to stop blaming others for how we react to situations. Flakiness in dating is going no where. Ever. It is here to stay. With dating, we have to accept the good with the bad. In trying to find good, you will come across a lot of bad. As kids we used to play the trick on others which we will ask some poor sucker to give is us a "five" and right as the other person was about to put his hand in contact with ours to give us the five, we would pull our hand away at the last second as a prank to only leave the person reaching for thin air. Now, if the other guy always fell for this trick, he would just seem like an idiot to us. Right? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me... So in our lives we have to take responsibility for our own behavior. We can't keep falling for the pranks. We can't keep blaming others for tricking us and allowing us to fall for the prank. We have to start taking a stance and say "I am not falling for that $#!t anymore." Women are not ever going to reach a consensus and decide to reject us in the manner that men would prefer. We won't change their behavior by complaining about it. We just have to decide that when we notice a certain type of behavior such as flakiness, we will move on. So my words for someone who gets mixed signals from a woman that involves a woman showing interest one moment and flaking the next is to just decide that you will not be pranked by the show of interest and to focus on the fact that she frequently pulls her hand away at the last second and move on. Let the flakiness trump all of the other behavior and signals given. You will keep your sanity...but then again, I am insane. Right?
Mad Max Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I don't think the girl think it's kinder, not usually anyway. I think she thinks it easier for her and she's too cowardly to be honest. Been there. That's what it comes down to. It's cowardly.
that girl Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 there is probably a few women who are kicking themselves in their older age now wishing they had those opportunities return to them. If a woman is blowing a guy off, she isn't interested. I doubt many women are sitting around in their old age thinking "If I'd only given that guy a chance, I could be sitting here with a guy I don't really like!"
Yer_Blues Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I don't think the girl think it's kinder, not usually anyway. I think she thinks it easier for her and she's too cowardly to be honest. Been there. Perfectly stated. The OP's arrogance disgusts me.
xpaperxcutx Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Perfectly stated. The OP's arrogance disgusts me. Lol she's entitled to live and date how she wants. The only people who will be angry and in contempt are those she left in the dust.
youngskywalker Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You will keep your sanity...but then again, I am insane. Right? Na, you're not insane anymore Just me, when I have a girl playing games with me.
Recommended Posts