toby2222 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Hey, just looking for some advice. First time doing this so please excuse me if my etiquette is incorrect. Basically, im very interested in this girl. Previously (few years back) she was dating one of my best friends but to be honest he didnt really care for her and so they broke up. I had always been interested in her but after my mate was with her I felt as though I had to leave it (bro code and all). Also, he said to me on the sly he didnt care if I got with her and so I began to get close to her. On one occasion (stupidly), I got wasted, and basically told her everything and how I always liked her (or so im told). To be honest, I think she knew how I felt anyway. Now things are a bit different and even though we're close, things are kinda different. Shes gotten a bit closer... The problem is however that shes always telling me about her love life and I really dont want to know. Shes always complaining to me about how shes treated, and I always think that she knows, and I know id treat her a lot better. I dont really like to hear it but I always seem to listen to it. I dont know why. Ive always wanted to be with her, but I dont really think I can. I dont think she has any interest in me. Any advice on what I can do? or what I should do? Many gracious thanks in advance. PS. to be honest she is gorgeous, and I reckon out of my league...
Surrealist Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Well she's treating you as a friend and nothing more. You've become her reliable crutch to offload all her dating woes upon, but you will never get any of it. You're the nice guy who she can depend upon in times of trouble.
welikeincrowds Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Stop thinking about her interest and start thinking about yours. Call her and tell her you want to take her out on a date. If she balks: next. And with her, consider no contact, and at least go with limited contact. This isn't a friendship for you, and so if you can't forcibly change the dynamic, it's best for you if you create distance.
Author toby2222 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 Alright, first off I want to thank you for the quick response.. It really is appreciated.. Do you think theres anyway of becoming more than just a friend to her? I do arrange to see her, like for instance, im seeing her next week to go christmas shopping... is there any way to escalate this situation or am i just going to be a friend in the long term? I know its not really a date, but i just generally like bieng with her.. i know it sounds sad.. Finally, sorry mate but i dont know what balks means.. Many thanks, Toby.
AverageJoe Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 First off, no one is out of anyones league. I have never bought into that theory. You messed up when you had a few libations in you and felt it a good idea to confess your love to her in your drunken stupor. Can you recover from that? It is really hard to say. It depends on how far you want to take things. You say you dont think she is interested, but you really dont know for sure. In my opinion its time to step up to the plate and dive into the risk vs reward game. You can risk it all, or do nothing and continue on with doing nothing with no reward. When she starts blabbing about her love life and the drama involved, put a stop to it. You tell her, look I am not your therapist or girlfriends, you have them to chat with about that stuff. If she says she wants to remain friends, you tell her you already have friends. You need to send the message loud and clear. Stop being sappy with her STOP IT! Start paying as little attention to her as possible. Yes, as little attention as possible. Dont answer her calls, emails, or texts. You respond to those things when you get around to it. You now have to give her the impression you can live your life without ever speaking to her again. If she speaks, you do not jump. Basically dont be a pussy. When/IF she starts showing interest the ball is in your court. Will this help you now? Not sure. You messed up pretty good so its a long shot. At this point you dont have much to lose. I have seen it go either way.
sagetalk Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Do you think theres anyway of becoming more than just a friend to her? I do arrange to see her, like for instance, im seeing her next week to go christmas shopping... is there any way to escalate this situation or am i just going to be a friend in the long term? This girl has you eating out of her hands, probably because she's hot. To heck with how hot she is. Go find a girl that thinks your hot, you will have a much happier life. By the way, you are in the friend zone big time. When she tells you about her dating life, that is basically the kiss of death. Tell her you want to date her, not hear about other guys that are. If she gets an attitude or says no, you have your answer. If she says, "you can't handle me", go for it!
Author toby2222 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 ok, once again thanks for the advice. with regards to the risk vs reward idea.. i think ive got a lot to loose.. I dont really want to loose her.. even though i dont have her at the moment.. im in a situation where i dont really want to loose her or any contact i have with her.. with going after other girls.. i know its gonna sound lame, but im a guy thats confident. i can get girls numbers etc, but to be honest, i dont really care about getting them... I want this girl however.. Once again its gonna sound bad, but everyone else is so flawed compared to her. to put in into perspective, i think shes gorgeous, but other mates of mine would rate her as a 7.. (i hate using ratings)... but i think her personality makes up for it.. i could easily talk to her for hours with no effort... Many thanks, Toby.
Author toby2222 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 Sorry to butt in once again, but don't you think she could be telling me about her love life and the other guys that are after her to make me jealous? She already knows about how I feel (even thought that was when i was drunk). Kind regards, Toby.
AverageJoe Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Sorry to butt in once again, but don't you think she could be telling me about her love life and the other guys that are after her to make me jealous? She already knows about how I feel (even thought that was when i was drunk). Kind regards, Toby. No. Good luck.
Surrealist Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Well Toby as long as you are happy and content with the idea of being nothing more than friends with her, so that when that time comes where she meets a guy, the guy that blows her cotton socks off and works her pussy like a revolving door at a busy city McDonald's restaurant, all the while she bemoans about her dating problems with you, the guy friend she can count on in such times, then more power to you buddy. Good luck.
Author toby2222 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 lol.. to be honest, i realise i was just living in hope. Im gonna have to man up to it. It needs to be done.. Im just hoping for luck now.. lol.. thanks a lot..
Author toby2222 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 Thanks a lot everyone** It is greatly appreciated. Once more, many thanks, Toby.
Hopeful30 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) She tells you because you care, and you have confessed that to her. Since you like her, and she knows that, she feels that telling you would make her feel better, because you will assure her that she is worth so much more, and that she can be treated better. I'm not saying she is using you for this but she liked telling you because you listen and you care. Try going in for a kiss. I used to have a friend exactly like that. He always liked me, and he told me, and I still confessed my entire love life to him because I knew he would listen and give me honest advice. He respected me enough to give me space and not try anything... but to be honest... there were times when I was pouring my heart out to him and I wish he would just kiss me. It's sort of a "Look I know you're upset but F*CK IT this is what you're worth". I didn't like him either, but I still had those moments. If he did go for it, who knows, maybe things would have turned out different. You don't know until you try. P.S You can't ruin things or make it worse. She already knows you like her, and if he behaviour didn't change after THAT, then it won't after a kiss. She knows you like her, and if you try to kiss her, that will go into the "Well I know he likes me anyways" category, so things can't get worse. Edited December 10, 2010 by Hopeful30
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