mollyb1991 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) i'm a 19 year old girl and I've only dated one guy. long story short, he tried to force me to have sex with him on a few different occasions. so needless to say that relationship didn't go to well. but since then I've been very stand-off-ish when it comes to guys flirting with me and whatnot. (it's basically a known fact around where I live that I don't date, so no one ever bothers to ask me) so, this guy who works at the same place I do asked me out. he's 27. I sorta' just asked him if he was serious and then when he said yes I found a reason to walk away. (I was on the clock so it wasn't difficult to just be like "oh, I got work to do" and quickly leave) we had been talking and kind of hanging out (not outside of work) since i started there. i worked again the next day, and he was there. he was acting all sad, he didn't say a word to me when I got there like he normally does. he's always really cheery and hyper, calling everyone by random nicknames and you can hear his laugh back were I work, but today he just did his work all quiet and didn't even look up at me... apparently everyone was all; "he's being too quiet, what's up with him?" so it wasn't just me. I mean, I don't dislike him, actually I rather enjoy his company. but I'm just scared to death of dating ANYONE, it's not just him. and i definitely didn't mean to upset him, running away was just be instinct. ...and it wasn't until the past couple of days but even though he isn't exactly the 'type' of guy i'd normally be interested in i haven't been able to stop thinking about him... and i have no idea why! i just don't know what I should do, if I should do anything... help would be great... Edited December 9, 2010 by mollyb1991
youngskywalker Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 he isn't exactly the 'type' of guy i'd normally be interested in i haven't been able to stop thinking about him... and i have no idea why! i just don't know what I should do, if I should do anything... help would be great... Being a guy I wouldn't personally bother with him. For one you work at the same place and that is bad karma to begin with. Second, you're 19 and he's 27. That's kinda strike two. There is a good chance he's just into for your looks, especially considering his behavior towards you. Just think about it for awhile and you'll see. If he was into you for YOU would he act the way he did? Third, the reason you can't stop thinking about him is called infatuation. I'm a professional in this department. I've been crushed by infatuation so many times I don't even want to talk about it. It causes the deepest crushes IMO and it's better to steer clear.
welikeincrowds Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I'm not convinced that he's a creepy guy. Age difference is an arbitrary taboo; people can date whom they wish. They've apparently been talking a while, at least "since she started working there," which apparently is enough for him to have his feelings hurt by her rejection. I am, I guess, slightly concerned that she is infatuated with him having not dated him. But OP, I am far more concerned about your well-being. The way you have been managing your fear is not good. You may not be ready to date again, which is absolutely fine, but I take it you're seeing a professional to discuss your feelings about your past relationship?
spice4life Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I have the same fear right now, not for the same reasons as you, but I ammm fearful of the whole dating thing. I don't have any advice other than you are simply not ready to date yet. And guess what? That's ok! That's how I feel, just not ready for the dating game yet. I even tried filling out an online dating profile and have yet to finish it so it can go live. So don't worry your not alone...there are others like me who feel the same.
Yer_Blues Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I'm 19, and I don't think I'd go for a 27 year old. Not that it wouldn't be fun or that I don't find "older" women attractive, but it just seems a bit off. You have to be in two different places.
Author mollyb1991 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 i don't think he's a creep, he's just a little on the immature side sometimes. i just don't know if i'm ready to date or not, and even if i was 'ready to date' i doubt i'll ever be able to easily open up to anyone. even my best friends know nothing about what happened in my last relationship - hence the talking over internet to people that i don't know about it thing. all my friends/family just think that i have no desire to date, but in reality i'm just scared to. welikeincrowds - no i am/have not talked to a professional, i don't have that kind of money. plus i'm not a 'talk about my feelings' type of person so i doubt it'd get me anywhere.
Yer_Blues Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 i don't think he's a creep, he's just a little on the immature side sometimes. i just don't know if i'm ready to date or not, and even if i was 'ready to date' i doubt i'll ever be able to easily open up to anyone. even my best friends know nothing about what happened in my last relationship - hence the talking over internet to people that i don't know about it thing. all my friends/family just think that i have no desire to date, but in reality i'm just scared to. welikeincrowds - no i am/have not talked to a professional, i don't have that kind of money. plus i'm not a 'talk about my feelings' type of person so i doubt it'd get me anywhere. To reduce therapy to talking about your feelings would be a mistake. Most types of therapy are rooted heavily in science and are shown to be more effective than drug treatments in the long run for many mental health issues.
that girl Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You're 19 and inexperienced, dating a 27 year old would likely be a terrible idea. You can't stop thinking about him because you're a little psyched that a reasonably normal guy is into you. But you'd be better off holding out for an 18-21 year old guy who would also be a little new at the dating think. The 27 year old isn't on the same page as you.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted December 13, 2010 Posted December 13, 2010 You're 19 and inexperienced, dating a 27 year old would likely be a terrible idea. You can't stop thinking about him because you're a little psyched that a reasonably normal guy is into you. But you'd be better off holding out for an 18-21 year old guy who would also be a little new at the dating think. The 27 year old isn't on the same page as you. This is very good advice for the OP. I would only emphasize that it is perfectly natural for the younger (female) to be VERY (affected) by the attention of an older male. So it is a forceful tide to stand against. When the OP is 27 and imagines herSELF dating a 19yo at the time, (OR even imagines her male peers dating 19yo females), she will have a much different, and somewhat unpleasant take on it.
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