secondbest Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Hello all. been away for some time. i always read on this site alot, never posted much. There was a time i was needing advice on my own affair. This forum probably kept me from going insane. You know its really sad when good women get caught up heart and soul with these men that promise them the moon. i know, cause i was one. Let me tell you most all of these men actually are going home to their wives and telling them that they are the love of there life and then coming to you and telling you that you are and how bad their marrage is at home. Reality is.. most of their marriages are good they just are bored.. If i had to give some advice to anybody it would be no contact!!! As painful as it is, it is the best thing. Then to all you women who really want some truth its real easy to come face to face to the wife and hear her side and what your man is telling her when he is at home.. Then you could always park outside their house and watch it is amazing what you will see. My heart was broke once and i really didnt care if i died at the time, These feeling and emotions will get better in time, and yes, it does take time. im just now getting over being mad at myself for letting a master manipulator into my life.. i hope all you women get your hearts desire. but, if you don't i promise you will be ok.. Thanks to all for helping me through with all your posts...
calliope Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Your post will help me also... Hang in there.
pureinheart Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Hi SB, Calli is right, your posts will help those that can identify with you also:). There are so many different situations, circumstances, it is just endless. I'm glad your not blaming yourself anymore, I believe that blaming ourselves gets us nowhere, in fact it keeps us in bondage. When I blame myself, then that means that there might be a way that "I" can fix it being "I" was at fault. I see 2011 to be a year of reorganization, all things being put into order to line up with 2012. We might feel undone for a bit as things reorganize. For many all is being put into place (whether it can be seen or not). I want to encourage those that can identify with this...there was a prayer group that I used to go to that was pivotal in my transformation in the year 1999. There was an older lady there, she was about 90 and very healthy and she used to do puzzles all of the time. I saw all of our lives as puzzles and her putting the pieces of our lives together...this is what I am seeing with those who can identify and understand what I am saying. Be encouraged, as there is only a couple of pieces to go before it all comes together....shalom.
SidLyon Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Hello all. been away for some time. i always read on this site alot, never posted much. There was a time i was needing advice on my own affair. This forum probably kept me from going insane. You know its really sad when good women get caught up heart and soul with these men that promise them the moon. i know, cause i was one. Let me tell you most all of these men actually are going home to their wives and telling them that they are the love of there life and then coming to you and telling you that you are and how bad their marrage is at home. Reality is.. most of their marriages are good they just are bored.. If i had to give some advice to anybody it would be no contact!!! As painful as it is, it is the best thing. Then to all you women who really want some truth its real easy to come face to face to the wife and hear her side and what your man is telling her when he is at home.. Then you could always park outside their house and watch it is amazing what you will see. My heart was broke once and i really didnt care if i died at the time, These feeling and emotions will get better in time, and yes, it does take time. im just now getting over being mad at myself for letting a master manipulator into my life.. i hope all you women get your hearts desire. but, if you don't i promise you will be ok.. Thanks to all for helping me through with all your posts... On the one hand it's a bit creepy to think of someone parked outside my house watching my family. On the other hand if my H's OW had done this on an average weekend day she would have seen children playing on the front lawn, often with their Dad; with their Mum (me) sitting on the front veranda reading a book, occasionally going inside to get drinks and snacks for everyone and sometimes catching the ball and joining in. She would have seen us all getting in the car and if she'd have followed us she would have seen us going to lunch or dinner at a restaurant or friends' houses, or going to the movies or a musical, or to a sporting game such as soccer or basketball. She would have seen us taking our kids to their own sports which were numerous. She definitely would not have seen anything resembling violence or arguments. I am someone who is always in favour of the OW contacting the BW. It didn't happen in my situation - I contacted her. I suspect the reason so many OW won't contact the BW is that their own bubble will be burst.
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I suspect the reason so many OW won't contact the BW is that their own bubble will be burst. Most MM's continue to "LIVE LIFE" with their wives, kids and do stuff that families do. A MM will minimize his marriage, his wife to the OW to keep the A going. It has nothing to do with how things really are behind closed doors.
bentnotbroken Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 On the one hand it's a bit creepy to think of someone parked outside my house watching my family. On the other hand if my H's OW had done this on an average weekend day she would have seen children playing on the front lawn, often with their Dad; with their Mum (me) sitting on the front veranda reading a book, occasionally going inside to get drinks and snacks for everyone and sometimes catching the ball and joining in. She would have seen us all getting in the car and if she'd have followed us she would have seen us going to lunch or dinner at a restaurant or friends' houses, or going to the movies or a musical, or to a sporting game such as soccer or basketball. She would have seen us taking our kids to their own sports which were numerous. She definitely would not have seen anything resembling violence or arguments. I am someone who is always in favour of the OW contacting the BW. It didn't happen in my situation - I contacted her. I suspect the reason so many OW won't contact the BW is that their own bubble will be burst. So agree with these last 2 statements. I contacted her she denied...at first. I also think they don't contact because you get to see first hand the "eye" mirror.
BB07 Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I suspect the reason so many OW won't contact the BW is that their own bubble will be burst. I disagree although I speak from a somewhat unique perspective as the bs and I did end up talking......a lot. I think it has more to do with a misguided loyalty to the mm and a desire for the OW to not cause him any additional problems........of course he has probably lied and/or greatly exaggerated his claims about why he doesn't want that to happen.
Confused4Now Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Most MM's continue to "LIVE LIFE" with their wives, kids and do stuff that families do. A MM will minimize his marriage, his wife to the OW to keep the A going. It has nothing to do with how things really are behind closed doors. Yeah I agree with this....it took me two years to get this....this is very true. I was the dealing with a xMW on this situation.
pureinheart Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 On the one hand it's a bit creepy to think of someone parked outside my house watching my family. On the other hand if my H's OW had done this on an average weekend day she would have seen children playing on the front lawn, often with their Dad; with their Mum (me) sitting on the front veranda reading a book, occasionally going inside to get drinks and snacks for everyone and sometimes catching the ball and joining in. She would have seen us all getting in the car and if she'd have followed us she would have seen us going to lunch or dinner at a restaurant or friends' houses, or going to the movies or a musical, or to a sporting game such as soccer or basketball. She would have seen us taking our kids to their own sports which were numerous. She definitely would not have seen anything resembling violence or arguments. I am someone who is always in favour of the OW contacting the BW. It didn't happen in my situation - I contacted her. I suspect the reason so many OW won't contact the BW is that their own bubble will be burst. Hi SL, always good to see you:)...I didn't contact the BW/WS is due to the fact that I did not like her and wanted nothing to do with her, for better words she was not all there.
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