siuys Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Day 10 NC. I am exhausted. I AM moving on, and doing well in general but when is the mind chatter going to stop? When am I going to stop thinking what if, is he going to this, is he going to that? I know I MUST stop it and just get on with it coz it's OVER but I cannot stop the tape that runs nonstop in my head, mainly at night when I'm home alone.... I find it hard to just write him out of my life. I have even thought about telling his W coz then I KNOW it will be so over then and I will never hear from him again. I don't think I'll do that as what good will it do? He's honoured NC so far. I guess at the end of the day I still have this hope. And I wonder why the hell I do. What a mug I am. Why would I even want him? Look at this pile of **** that I've let myself into. Why can't I just write him off in my head for real? When will I be able to do this? Aaaarrrrrgh!!!!!!
BB07 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Siuys, I know you want him out of your head and heart this very second, but it doesn't happen overnight, but keep in mind that continued NC will help you get there one step at a time. Every step is a step back to YOU. No more drama, no more grabbing at straws, no more false hope. Since he is honoring your request so far, why not do everything possible to prevent him contacting you if he gets weak? Help yourself to continue moving on a place where you will find happiness and yourself again, hon. Hugs........
Author siuys Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Thanks, BB. I guess I am a little impatient, yes. I do accept that it will take some time. I guess I am just sick of it. Sick of feeling this way. But every step is a step back to me, which is well put. I have deleted all correspondence from him. We are not friends on FB, nor skype, nor anything. I don't want to change my cell number but I will look into blocking his number maybe and his emails directly sent to trash. What else can i do? It's most important I do it in my head! He knows where I live and work, and can find me if he wants to and has done so in the past although he did say he would not do that again. Anyway, my focus is on me now. I want him out of my head and heart. That's my goal.
calliope Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I'm pretty sure that I'll still be where you are on my Day 10 also. But by myDay 10 - you'll be on day 20!! :-)
Author siuys Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Yay!!!! So true, calliope! You hang in there and don't cave!
calliope Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Yay!!!! So true, calliope! You hang in there and don't cave! Detox starts tomorrow - No more MM, no more cigarettes (I'm not a regular smoker, but have been using the crutch), maybe some solid food, and hopefully a full night's sleep....
Author siuys Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Detox is totally the right word. I quit smoking and am back on track health-wise except for sleep (still broken). You'll get there. I'll get there. We both better get there. MMs are not good enough. Don't settle. Don't settle. Don't settle. When you think of him, think of the STOP sign and re-direct your thoughts to happier ones - that sometimes work for me. Good luck. Will hear from you am sure on here.
4321sn Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 Day 10 NC. I am exhausted. I AM moving on, and doing well in general but when is the mind chatter going to stop? When am I going to stop thinking what if, is he going to this, is he going to that? I know I MUST stop it and just get on with it coz it's OVER but I cannot stop the tape that runs nonstop in my head, mainly at night when I'm home alone.... I find it hard to just write him out of my life. I have even thought about telling his W coz then I KNOW it will be so over then and I will never hear from him again. I don't think I'll do that as what good will it do? He's honoured NC so far. I guess at the end of the day I still have this hope. And I wonder why the hell I do. What a mug I am. Why would I even want him? Look at this pile of **** that I've let myself into. Why can't I just write him off in my head for real? When will I be able to do this? Aaaarrrrrgh!!!!!! In the past when things were really bad I had the same thought. The only was for it to end would be to tell her everything. Then maybe he would hate me and never contact me again...
Confused4Now Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 In the past when things were really bad I had the same thought. The only was for it to end would be to tell her everything. Then maybe he would hate me and never contact me again...The best power you can show your AP is to move forward with life and live full with it. YOU deserve so much better. What I want to show my family and friends is that I'm more happier and have a life after I left my marriage....I mean if I don't what was the point right? Stay focus on you!!! time heals...all in good time.
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