northern_sky Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I see a lot of threads with nonsense advice to get your ex back that just enables people's obsessions and failure to move on. Here's the way it works for most people and will probably work for you. If your ex ever wants you back, by that time you will have moved on and no longer want them. Either that or they'll never want you back. As long as you want them at all, even if you are self improving in an attempt to get them back, it is very unlikely that they will come back into your life. Because you won't be living life to your fullest and actually sabotaging your efforts to move on. Stop wanting them, stop hoping. Move on.
Leandro Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 If your ex ever wants you back, by that time you will have moved on and no longer want them. Either that or they'll never want you back. Very true NS.
shocked_confused Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 It's a sad thought for me right now, but i agree with you. I hope I get to that point of not wanting him back ASAP. 3 weeks plus 1 day of NC and the goal is to not be wanting him back by January-ish. Realistic? I dunno, i'll let you know in January.
b_rouse Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I completely agree with you. But, I have no problem with people getting back together with their ex's, but don't just jump into it! You need time to digest the breakup, let it sink in and be able to think about the relationship without the interference of your emotions. Then, you're able to decided if you actually want them back, or were you just living off the memory of them, you have a fear of being alone...etc. It just gives people false hope. Believe me, I googled, "How to get your ex back when they already have a girlfriend" multiple times when we broke up. Granted, I never acted on any of the ideas they were giving me, but still, it just made me hold on to every tiny strand of hope that was thrown at me. There comes a time, where holding on takes too much energy, it's better to let go. There are things we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world, it’s the beginning of a new life. If your ex comes back, great! If he doesn't, you have nothing to worry about, you've already healed, and you've already excepted the break up. I mean, sure, if you want to have another go with your ex, by all means, go for it. But make sure it's not immediatly after the break up and it's something you truely want to try again. If it's after the breakup, nothing is going to be different; you should wait atleast a year (that's what I say). If my ex came back to me in a couple years after the break up, yeah, I may give him another shot (maybe). Am I going to wait around for that moment, no. To be honest, I don't care if he comes back. I've reached the point where I don't care either way. I've let him go, I don't worry about him anymore, I'm not caring about what he's doing at this very moment and I don't care how much he likes his new girl. While that doesn't stop me from loving him (I always will), nor does it stop me from caring about him and wishing him pure happiness (which I always will as well), it's just great to know, I can go on with my life, not worrying about him. He's a big boy, he can take care of himself.
homebrew Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) I see a lot of threads with nonsense advice to get your ex back that just enables people's obsessions and failure to move on. Here's the way it works for most people and will probably work for you. If your ex ever wants you back, by that time you will have moved on and no longer want them. Either that or they'll never want you back. As long as you want them at all, even if you are self improving in an attempt to get them back, it is very unlikely that they will come back into your life. Because you won't be living life to your fullest and actually sabotaging your efforts to move on. Stop wanting them, stop hoping. Move on. Sad, but true. At least in my case. I'm 38 and I have had alot of long term relationships. They did all come back at one point but I either didn't want them when they did come back or the same issue (age, life, circumstances, etc.) broke us up again. Getting an EX back requires one to get themselves back, time, patience, understanding and getting to "there". Where is "there"? When you are fully healed, when you have truly forgiven your EX for any and all hurt and pain you went through before, after and during the break up. You also have to have ZERO feelings of resentment, anger, bitterness or harbor any ill will towards your EX whatsoever. Basically, you have to think and feel about them just like you did the first time you met them. Unless there has been a lot of time between the break up and the reconciliation attempt, it's just about impossible to pull it off successfully. The truth is and believe me it's understandable... most people will not ever get "there" due to the MASSIVE amount of hurt and pain caused by the break up. If they do get over it... it take years, not months. Edited December 9, 2010 by homebrew
strength-abounds Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I read these posts about how to get exes back and all the mindf*** tricks members give to make that happen. The truth is, if a relationship is to be fixed, it will be done without headgames. At one time, I wanted my EW back. Now, looking back, I am so happy without her. I know I have been there, but I just want to cyber slap anyone who accepts that being an option to their exes is cool. What happened to self-respect?
J0N Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You could not be more correct. I hate the fact that there is nothing I can do, but at some point you have to just let go. Playing mind games, cyber/actual stalking, trying to stay in touch is not only a little psycho but very unhealthy as well. The best thing you can do is to leave that person alone (NC) and start living your new life. You have to respect your ex's decision to live their life as they see fit, whether you are a part of it or not. For what its worth your ex will also respect you more if you just walk away, and maybe (though not likely) you could re-kindle a friendship in the future.
Recommended Posts