JaneDoe73 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Hi Everyone, My fiance (38) and I (37) have been together for 2,5 years. We had a whirlwind relationship it was just wonderful. We moved in with eachother very quickly,got engaged could not get enough of eachother. We both have been married once before and met shortly after we got divorced. In May of this year I noticed changes in him, he withdrew from me kinda ignored me, only slept with me about once in 5 weeks. He told me he doesn't know what causes it, it isn't me. So I tried to be understanding of him. It just got worse and worse. Due to him getting a diffrent job in October we moved ( at this point I was wondering if I should move with him, but I did). I am in the country now, all by myself, no car, no friends no nothing. He is gone 3 nights and home one night, no weekends off, no holidays etc. The nights he is not here, he stays at his moms. ( He wants space) I asked him if he could take new years eve off, or at least one day on the weekend, he told me he feels good the way it is now and he needs this space. He just does not want to be here, he is content the way it is. He keeps on saying it's not me, he loves me. Every third day when he does come home, he brings me groceries. I do not get out due to the location. I can't get a job here either. I am starting to loose my mind and he says it's perfect for him the way it is... He is not giving me clear answers. I love him so very much and want to work through this but I just can't take it anymore. I moved with him under the impression he would actually ´be here and we would car pool to work, now I am stuck! I asked him if he is tired of me, he says no, yet he is distant, cold, doesn't seem to want to work this out. I know he is not cheating, for a fact, so that is out of the question. How much more time should I give him? How can I (without an ultimatum) tell him either to poop or get off the pot? I love him, but I can't go on like this any longer. I feel like I am putting my life on hold, I feel so depressed, he is hurting me, he knows he is hurting me but he does not want to talk anymore. What do I do now???
Art_Critic Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) I am in the country now, all by myself, no car, no friends no nothing. He is gone 3 nights and home one night, no weekends off, no holidays etc. The nights he is not here, he stays at his moms. ( He wants space) Every third day when he does come home, he brings me groceries. I do not get out due to the location. I can't get a job here either. I am starting to loose my mind and he says it's perfect for him the way it is... Wow.. I'm sorry for what you are going thru.. Time to sit his ass down and hash out the relationship. The bolded part of your post speaks VOLUMES.. If it was me in your place.. I would dump him.. he isn't adding any happiness or anything to your life and he seems to be happy shioting on your emotions. Time for a talk.. and be ready to move back home.. A relationship is about 2 people.. you must be besides yourself and lonely most days.. Edited December 9, 2010 by Art_Critic
thinkgal Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) wow...yeah, I agree with the post above. Your situation sounds very strange to me. Is like well he is secluding you, away from everyone that would make me feel suspicious as if he were trying to hide something or not want you to find something out. You are engaged to him , he should not keep you away from his life instead he should involve you in his afterall you will marry and need to become one and do decisions together. So many things here that just don't sound right. So he barely sleeps with you?? Ummm unless he has some sexual problem or intimacy issue weeks shouldn't pass with no sex, is just not healthy. He sounds very selfish to me, just thinking of his own needs and not thinking of you at all. Reconsider if you wanna marry or invest your life with someone who makes you unhappy. Also he sleeps at his moms?? Strange, he should wanna spend it with you. This just sounds too odd, he could be living a double life easily like that specially if your far away and with no means of transportation. Good luck and remember life is too short to be unhappy and miserable, make the most of it, don't waste your time over someoen who simply doesn't seem to care. Edited December 10, 2010 by thinkgal spelling errors
Eddie Edirol Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Nah he's done with you. When he doesnt even want to be around you is because he isnt attracted to you anymore. Maybe your relationship moved too fast, maybe not, but he has checked out. The only way to salvage it is for you to start getting a life. Get out of the house, make yourself busy, and make him see that you dont need him. Start moving on too, its most likely that this cant be salvaged, but you wont fix anything by being there when he expects you to be there. Make him miss you. Move back home, get a hotel, get some friends, but dont keep doing what you have been already doing.
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