tobydog Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I received an email from his solicitor saying he now wants half the house and the car. He has put a lien on the house, this is after saying he did not want it just the business. I think he wants to destroy me and I am scared. I am seeing my sol tomorrow. He also wants mediation but I truly cannot face him after what he has done. I understand why he left but not the way he has done it. He is fuelled by an ever growing hatred of me.....
just_some_guy Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Don't confuse his personal actions with those done in process of divorce. If his lawyer has reason to believe he has a claim on something, he has a duty to advise his client and operate in his material best interests. You just need to let the lawyers deal with the stuff. Tell his lawyer you are represented and to stop sending you emails and deal directly with your lawyer.
Author tobydog Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Thanks, I'll do that tomorrow..x
FanFan Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I received an email from his solicitor saying he now wants half the house and the car. He has put a lien on the house, this is after saying he did not want it just the business. I think he wants to destroy me and I am scared. I am seeing my sol tomorrow. He also wants mediation but I truly cannot face him after what he has done. I understand why he left but not the way he has done it. He is fuelled by an ever growing hatred of me..... You porpusely made him believe that you're a cheater by sending him a message on his phone, didn't you? It's not that hard to understand why he wants to destroy you now.
Author tobydog Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 He's the cheat not me, I merely wanted to test to see if he was bothered. he knows I would never cheat, never have.
FanFan Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 He's the cheat not me, I merely wanted to test to see if he was bothered. he knows I would never cheat, never have. I am sure he has his doubts now. You should be dealing with your drinking problems long time ago.
worlybear Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Hi tobydog. Just read your latest thread- above all don't panic! Make sure that you keep your appointment with the sol tomorrow and as already advised get your sol to contact his to ensure that you are not harrassed by legal letters/emails that should be addressed to your solicitor. Just a thought-are you sure that it was your X's sol who contacted you? I'm asking this because my STBXH wrote to my mother regarding a financial matter and headed it as if it was from his solicitor.(My sol soon sorted that out!) Also don't expect any fast changes - I am in the UK too and my divorce is still far from resolved -12 months on! So you are not in immediate danger of losing your home. Stay strong and get a good solicitor to help you. Mediation could be a way forward (my STBXH refused to go to mediation) and my sol thinks that this wil not be regarded favouraby by the judge-so be good and agree to all reasonable requests as it will be better for you in the long run. Hugs:bunny::bunny:
iheartboobs Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 You porpusely made him believe that you're a cheater by sending him a message on his phone, didn't you? It's not that hard to understand why he wants to destroy you now. I've read a lot of stuff by you, toby, but I missed this... that is ****ed up. If you told him you cheated, how does he know you'd never cheat? That's stupid. Who would lie about that? You know, I've read through a whole lot of your threads recently and it sounds like your husband is very angry and depressed... so, apparently, for whatever reason, you decide to **** with him a little and tell him you're sleeping with someone. Of course he's pissed! What do you expect? My advise to you would be to see a therapist.
just_some_guy Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 He's the cheat not me, I merely wanted to test to see if he was bothered. he knows I would never cheat, never have. The more games you play and drama you create, the more bad things are going to happen. Your actions have consequences and you get to bear the responsibility for them. Time to reign in your own BS, go no contact and stop with the dramatics.
Author tobydog Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 NO! I did not send him a message saying I was cheating or sleeping with someone, just 'see you tomorrow x' To guage his reaction. Stupid yes but he wasn't bothered anyway. I have never cheated, he was all the time. And this happened in the first week of the split. He knows I have no-one else. Yes time for the dramatics to stop and I am seeing a therapist thanks. And Jesus, would that make him want to destroy my entire life? When he is the lying cheat?
iheartboobs Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Honestly, I don't know what to believe. I read a lot of your threads where you were the cause of the breakup because of your drinking and he was completely innocent. I've read more than a few about him hating you and abandoning your son. This is the first time I've heard that he is a lying serial cheater. In some of your posts he's the victim, in others you are.... I don't know what to tell you except good luck with all that.
whichwayisup Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 The more games you play and drama you create, the more bad things are going to happen. Your actions have consequences and you get to bear the responsibility for them. Time to reign in your own BS, go no contact and stop with the dramatics. Exactly. Now let your lawyer deal with him directly or his lawyer contact yours. Forward ANY future emails (and past ones) to your lawyer and don't reply back. NO! I did not send him a message saying I was cheating or sleeping with someone, just 'see you tomorrow x' To guage his reaction. But you left him with the idea that you might be, or are cheating. You implied it and his books, it's good enough.
qbasa Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 NO! I did not send him a message saying I was cheating or sleeping with someone, just 'see you tomorrow x' To guage his reaction. Stupid yes but he wasn't bothered anyway. I have never cheated, he was all the time. And this happened in the first week of the split. He knows I have no-one else. Yes time for the dramatics to stop and I am seeing a therapist thanks. And Jesus, would that make him want to destroy my entire life? When he is the lying cheat? I've read a few of your posts. It seemed like early in the split things could've gotten resolved if you had both sat down and talked. But now its dragged to the point of no return. Him not wanting to see his son is inexcusible. But then again would you want him to, now that he is unkept and depressed? Like another poster mentioned, I don't think its personal. He's just trying to regain his financial stability. I'm not sure who the "villain" is, but he didnt gain anything from his current situation. Usually cheaters believe that they have the upperhand or are gaining something. He lost everything. I think its time to take things into perspective, the marriage is over, try to end it amicably for the sake of your son.
Author tobydog Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 I know, I know, it's all a jumbled mess. I suppose all my threads just reflect the state I was in at the time. And a desperate need for concrete answers. One minute I am feeling totally to blame then the next day I think about our relationship and realise it had not been good for a while and he got on my nerves.....One minute I feel sorry for him, then anger etc. Up, down, up, down... This was an opportunistic leaving with AW all ready to run to. It was on the cards, we were a mis match, 12 weeks of analysis has helped me realise that much. I'm now not sure why I have spent the last 12 weeks crying and ill, I suppose it's the future and the plans and the family unit I was missing for the future. That sense of failure and idea of a broken home.... I saw my sol today so feel miles better. He has shot himself in the foot, by not giving us a penny whilst spending hundreds on socialising etc and by asking to see his son for 3 hours on a Sunday. Bad move, pathetic as my sol said. Anyway thanks for all your input.x Worly...Much love and hugs to you xx Debbie
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