blinded_27 Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I call it "LC" because I know he's going to contact me to tell me he misses me. But I'm going to try my damn hardest not to respond or fall into it again. I truly believed him when he broke our last round of NC. I believed him when he cried outside my place for hours waiting for me to come home from my trip. I believed him when he said he couldn't live without me. I believed him when he said he was going to make it right and finally take the steps to divorce his separated wife of only 4 months so that we could be together. I was skeptical, but a very important ring he owned told me he was dead serious when he gave it to me as a symbol of his love for me. Now, 2 weeks later, here I am. He was confused between the two of us, yet again. Last night, he dropped the bomb on me and told me he was going to make it work with his wife. I really believed it was over this time. And I was so mad that I didn't take the opportunity to stay NC on him while maintaining my pride and dignity. Tonight was supposed to be our final goodbye. He wanted to give me the christmas gift he had gotten for me, and to say our final words. Of course when he gets here it's all tears between the two of us. He stayed for a few hours... He says he's re-thinking his decision to be with her (AGAIN). But I stood my ground. He asked if we could at least just try to be friends, but I said I don't think that could ever work... (could it?) He asked when we could see each other again and I said "never" We cried some more and he finally left. He sent me a text saying he misses me already and is worried he made a mistake. I haven't responded to the last one. This is so hard... but I hope this time I can be strong and leave with my head held high. I got my chance back (by some miracle) to be the one to walk away... making the whole situation much easier for me. He can have her, I can have my pride. All is fair in love and war I guess. Wish me luck, it's going to be a ROUGH day.
half_ofa_heart Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I call it "LC" because I know he's going to contact me to tell me he misses me. But I'm going to try my damn hardest not to respond or fall into it again. I truly believed him when he broke our last round of NC. I believed him when he cried outside my place for hours waiting for me to come home from my trip. I believed him when he said he couldn't live without me. I believed him when he said he was going to make it right and finally take the steps to divorce his separated wife of only 4 months so that we could be together. I was skeptical, but a very important ring he owned told me he was dead serious when he gave it to me as a symbol of his love for me. Now, 2 weeks later, here I am. He was confused between the two of us, yet again. Last night, he dropped the bomb on me and told me he was going to make it work with his wife. I really believed it was over this time. And I was so mad that I didn't take the opportunity to stay NC on him while maintaining my pride and dignity. Tonight was supposed to be our final goodbye. He wanted to give me the christmas gift he had gotten for me, and to say our final words. Of course when he gets here it's all tears between the two of us. He stayed for a few hours... He says he's re-thinking his decision to be with her (AGAIN). But I stood my ground. He asked if we could at least just try to be friends, but I said I don't think that could ever work... (could it?) He asked when we could see each other again and I said "never" We cried some more and he finally left. He sent me a text saying he misses me already and is worried he made a mistake. I haven't responded to the last one. This is so hard... but I hope this time I can be strong and leave with my head held high. I got my chance back (by some miracle) to be the one to walk away... making the whole situation much easier for me. He can have her, I can have my pride. All is fair in love and war I guess. Wish me luck, it's going to be a ROUGH day. Hi Blind, First thing you need to do is block him from your cell. It's a big step but it helps in staying in NC. I finally did it two days ago and I must say that its kind of comforting to finally be able to walk away from my phone. I was always caryying it around - waiting in anticipation for whatever crumb he decided to throw my way. Don't get me wrong - he has many other means of communication to break NC - but if you block him - its one less. Do it! You'll feel better about it.
Author blinded_27 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Hi Blind, First thing you need to do is block him from your cell. It's a big step but it helps in staying in NC. I finally did it two days ago and I must say that its kind of comforting to finally be able to walk away from my phone. I was always caryying it around - waiting in anticipation for whatever crumb he decided to throw my way. Don't get me wrong - he has many other means of communication to break NC - but if you block him - its one less. Do it! You'll feel better about it. Bahh, I don't know how to do that.. and I don't think it's possible with my service provider It's all up to will power at this point I think... Ugh and yeah I hear the whole carrying around the phone bit too... it's stressful, you're anxious when he messages you and even more anxious when he doesn't. It's crazy!!!!!
siuys Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Hugs, blinded. Wow, what a journey. I understand the flipping and flopping all too well unfortunately. I guess at the end of the day, he is not clear. He should get clear for himself first and foremost otherwise you or his W will forever be getting crumbs and being hurt. Sounds a bit like he still wants to make sure you're there just in case he realised he has made a mistake... Good luck with keeping NC, or LC, whatever works for you. But sometimes I think when you're not done, you're not done, same the other way round. I just hope for you that you're DONE this time. I think if you've truly drawn the line on the sand, it doesn't matter so much that you block him from your cell... don't know. Haven't been strong enough myself either in the past. The most I did was ignore his few sms, voice messages, flowers outside my window and then I caved. I'm on Day 9 NC having only broken it last week! So I'm just as vulnerable. But with a bit of luck, he will stay away. And like you, I'll have my life back and he will get to work on his marriage. Have fun I thought. At least once I healed from this, I'm done. I don't have all the **** to work through. For that I am thankful. I am SURE he is a miserable sack of **** at the moment. Hang in there.
calliope Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I'm carrying my cell phone around with me now.... We're supposed to meet today to talk, then I intend to go LC (can't do NC, we work together/live in the same area), no matter what he says to me. Hopefully he'll say everything I don't want to hear, but need to hear and it will make things a little easier. I know it's not going to be easy, but that may help a little. Hang in there blinded....siuys, hoah & I all have very similar stories. We're all dealing with flip-floppers in different stages of the flip-flop. I'm also not ready to put the phone down or delete his e-mails or texts, but I know I will be one day.
Author blinded_27 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 Hugs, blinded. Wow, what a journey. I understand the flipping and flopping all too well unfortunately. I guess at the end of the day, he is not clear. He should get clear for himself first and foremost otherwise you or his W will forever be getting crumbs and being hurt. Sounds a bit like he still wants to make sure you're there just in case he realised he has made a mistake... Good luck with keeping NC, or LC, whatever works for you. But sometimes I think when you're not done, you're not done, same the other way round. I just hope for you that you're DONE this time. I think if you've truly drawn the line on the sand, it doesn't matter so much that you block him from your cell... don't know. Haven't been strong enough myself either in the past. The most I did was ignore his few sms, voice messages, flowers outside my window and then I caved. I'm on Day 9 NC having only broken it last week! So I'm just as vulnerable. But with a bit of luck, he will stay away. And like you, I'll have my life back and he will get to work on his marriage. Have fun I thought. At least once I healed from this, I'm done. I don't have all the **** to work through. For that I am thankful. I am SURE he is a miserable sack of **** at the moment. Hang in there. Thanks siuys... Hugs to you too, it's scary how so many of us are going through the exact same thing. We see the patterns here from reading everyone else's story but we always seem to think that it will be different with us somehow. Always ends up the same though. Taking every crumb we can get. And you're right, he is definitely keeping the door open just in case. He texted me twice this morning already, keeps saying he might've made a mistake. I wanted to respond so badly and say "you've made this 'mistake' 500 times"... but I left it. And omg it hurts so bad. Why do I feel sorry for him? I feel bad for hurting him by not answering his texts, yet he does the exact same thing to me at least once a month. So backwards. Congrats for even getting to 9 days though, let alone through 1. Wow. Seems like such a long time to go without the one thing you're so used to. And thanks for the words of encouragement I know he is definitely a miserable sack of **** at the moment too hahahha
Author blinded_27 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 I'm carrying my cell phone around with me now.... We're supposed to meet today to talk, then I intend to go LC (can't do NC, we work together/live in the same area), no matter what he says to me. Hopefully he'll say everything I don't want to hear, but need to hear and it will make things a little easier. I know it's not going to be easy, but that may help a little. Hang in there blinded....siuys, hoah & I all have very similar stories. We're all dealing with flip-floppers in different stages of the flip-flop. I'm also not ready to put the phone down or delete his e-mails or texts, but I know I will be one day. Good luck today calliope, the "final talk" is always hard... for some people walking away without notice works well, and for some people, some small form of closure is needed. He might tell you everything you don't want to hear, but there's a chance he'll tell you all the things you want to hear, like what happened to me last night... stay strong, we're all here for you
calliope Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Good luck today calliope, the "final talk" is always hard... for some people walking away without notice works well, and for some people, some small form of closure is needed. He might tell you everything you don't want to hear, but there's a chance he'll tell you all the things you want to hear, like what happened to me last night... stay strong, we're all here for you I definitely needed the closure.....posted an update if you want to read. I said to him that I knew he'd do what he did (return home). And I said, "hasn't everything gone the way I said it would? Happened exactly how I said it'd happen?" He said "Yes, how did you know?" I said, "there's a script and you're textbook". I told him about this site (w/o naming it cuz I don't want him here!) and said there are many women here whose story I could've written word for word. Outcomes are all different, but the stories are all the same...
siuys Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Thanks siuys... Hugs to you too, it's scary how so many of us are going through the exact same thing. We see the patterns here from reading everyone else's story but we always seem to think that it will be different with us somehow. Always ends up the same though. Taking every crumb we can get. And you're right, he is definitely keeping the door open just in case. He texted me twice this morning already, keeps saying he might've made a mistake. I wanted to respond so badly and say "you've made this 'mistake' 500 times"... but I left it. And omg it hurts so bad. Why do I feel sorry for him? I feel bad for hurting him by not answering his texts, yet he does the exact same thing to me at least once a month. So backwards. Congrats for even getting to 9 days though, let alone through 1. Wow. Seems like such a long time to go without the one thing you're so used to. And thanks for the words of encouragement I know he is definitely a miserable sack of **** at the moment too hahahha Hope you're doing well today, blinded. Yes, scary how similar all our stories are. I guess at the end of the day, falling in love, losing someone special, wanting something you can't have, or whatever you want to call these situations all have similar traits. The only difference is the participants. Human emotions are similar I guess. Maybe that explains why we all sort of end up feeling the same, or experiencing the same. The guilt from the married person, the longing from an affair partner, the dysfunction of the situation.... Day 10 NC for me. Doing ok but wish the mental chatter would go away. My biggest challenge is hope. I need to crush it like a poisonous bug in my bed.
MorningCoffee Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) Day 10 NC for me. Doing ok but wish the mental chatter would go away. My biggest challenge is hope. I need to crush it like a poisonous bug in my bed. Glad you're doing ok -- just want to toss out that, however long it takes, you will find your hoping is no longer concerned with the ex-AP, but instead you will eventually focus your hoping towards your own, brighter future! Same goes for Blinded_27! Rock on! Edited December 10, 2010 by MorningCoffee
Author blinded_27 Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 (edited) UPDATE Ok WHY is there always SOMETHING that gets me talking to him again? It's crazy. Turn of events, his wife is leaving HIM now. She called him over to discuss their divorce options yesterday. He's so sad, they said goodbye tonight, they cried, blah blah blahhhhh. Then he came to me right after. Ummmmmm k thanks so like, I'm just your fallback girl now? After the last time he ditched me and walked away, my feelings for him changed SOOOOOOOO much. I always said I hated him, but this time I actually mean it. He's just becoming more and more unattractive to me with each passing day. At this point, I still think he'll go back to her eventually. I had to laugh cuz he said they're going NC for a month. hahaha yah right I know how well he handles that. On the other hand, maybe they really won't go back to each other this time... all I know is I am keeping my distance. We will be seeing each other quite a bit when out with mutual friends, but I fully intend on giving him the cold shoulder, at least until the divorce is over and done with. GAH!!!! Edited December 10, 2010 by blinded_27
calliope Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 I know I'd do/feel exactly the same as you. Don't beat yourself up about it. You'll be done when you're ready to be done, and only you know when that is. Stay strong..
fooled once Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 Oh blinded ((hugs)) it does seem as if you are his 'fall back girl'. I hope you stay strong and realize there are better men out there - stronger, capable, intelligent, trustworthy, loyal and committed men with backbones and able to make decisions. Look for one of those - don't take back this dud. He is pathetic if you think about it. After saying "goodbye" to you with tears as soon as his wife ditches HIM, he runs back to you all ready for a good time. Stay strong. Hang in there.
Hazyhead Posted December 11, 2010 Posted December 11, 2010 (edited) Oh blinded ((hugs)) it does seem as if you are his 'fall back girl'. I hope you stay strong and realize there are better men out there - stronger, capable, intelligent, trustworthy, loyal and committed men with backbones and able to make decisions. Look for one of those - don't take back this dud. He is pathetic if you think about it. After saying "goodbye" to you with tears as soon as his wife ditches HIM, he runs back to you all ready for a good time. Stay strong. Hang in there. Blinded, I'm not sure what it is that Fooled Once has (I've been thinking it might be a crystal ball ) but her advice really helped me when I was going through it. He may indeed love you, but he also loves the security of his marriage. Don't you want to be with a man who wants you above everything? Who'll stand up for you through thick and thin? Who would move mountains for you? These men do exist. You deserve better than the life he 'might' throw your way. Edited December 11, 2010 by Hazyhead Forgot my winkie thingie!
Recommended Posts