Asking THIS GIRL out to a party

[ihavelotsofcoconuts]

So we've got this college party (dental medicine) and the girl (we've been flirting for a while since last year) just moved to general medicine (- we're still on the same college campus) and she attended the same party last year.

 

This year we can bring someone along, and i was thinking about her. I asked her last night but something came up and i had to go without hearing her answer. I was thinking about calling her and asking her again but this time saying that a girlfriend of mine also wants to go (to imply that i'm not depending on her choice and i can make other plans even if she doesn't come) and before deciding on anything i wanted to see if she would like to come

 

should i pull that "other girlfriend wants to come too" line?

[utterer of lies]

No. Unless you actually do have someone who wants to come, too.

[RyanBigDog86]

Good god, no bro. Don't ever call a woman's bluff like that.

 

If she has ANY legitimate interest in you, you will ruin it because she will automatically assume she's "second string" to your "other girlfriend."

 

You need to make it seem like you aren't going unless she goes.

 

Here, I'll even give you a little script. Start by calling her...

 

 

*She answers the phone.

 

Her: Hello?

You: Hi, *name*, how's it going?

Her: Good, what's up?

You: Just wondering if you gave any thought about going to the party with me on *date and time*? I just want to make plans for that night, because if you didn't want to go I was going to find something else to do, maybe go visit my family. But I'd definitely love to go with you.

 

*wait for reply*

 

 

See. Very simple.

 

What you did there was establish interest in her and made it clear that you want her to go or you won't go, but you didn't threaten the possibility of the relationship by mentioning other women.

 

Another approach is what I call the "DTB Move" (ditch the *itch). If you really like her, but aren't sure if she likes you... do this: Walk up to her in a casual environment, typically you want people around to hear her replies.. it puts her on the spot.

 

Walk right up to her and say, "Hey, you give any thought to what I asked you the other day? About the party?" You gotta be clear and assertive, but not a rude.

 

Watch for signs of disinterest. A girl who's interested will turn to you, recognize you right away, smile at you and give a reply with little thought to it.

 

A girl who's not interested may: Turn to you and stare for a second as if saying, "Who the hell are you?", will hesitate with a reply and may use "uhh" and "umm" a lot, she might also get twitchy because you put her on the spot.

 

Laughing usually isn't an indicator of dislike. So if she giggles at your out-of-nowhere question, don't be put off. It's usually a sign she's just shy.

 

Good luck. :-)

[Alienist]

Good god, no bro. Don't ever call a woman's bluff like that.

 

If she has ANY legitimate interest in you, you will ruin it because she will automatically assume she's "second string" to your "other girlfriend."

 

You need to make it seem like you aren't going unless she goes.

Hm, what's the party worth or the guy, if he wants to go only with her?

 

IMO, the best attitude is: "We're going to have fun [anyway]. You can join us."

 

And you can say other people are coming if it's true, of course.

Edited December 9, 2010 by Alienist

[RyanBigDog86]

Hm, what's the party worth or the guy, if he wants to go only with her?

 

IMO, the best attitude is: "We're going to have fun [anyway]. You can join us."

 

And you can say other people are coming if it's true, of course.

 

 

The assumption was that he really likes this girl and I know that if you call up a girl and ask her to do something, but make it sound like if she declines you'll go with another girl, then you're gonna blow it.

 

If she declines and you want to take another girl, then do it. But don't tell her that.

[ihavelotsofcoconuts]

The assumption was that he really likes this girl and I know that if you call up a girl and ask her to do something, but make it sound like if she declines you'll go with another girl, then you're gonna blow it.

 

If she declines and you want to take another girl, then do it. But don't tell her that.

 

 

well...your answers were good but badly timed. I went ahead and did it but i think i dodged a bullet there because she said yes. Next move? How do i get up close and personal with her during the party ( dancing talking and then what?...how do i go in for the ki$$?)

[youaretheone]

Maybe this has nothing to do with your question but here's my word on this: If this is the first date with this girl and you are trying to get to know her, never ever make the mistake of going to a party with her, especially if it is crowded or loud.

 

I made this serious mistake and could not handle the situation at this party with lots of friends around. Then the girl who was falling for me told me "I want to be friends." in the end, thinking I am not interested.

 

On the other hand, if it is like a serious event where you have to in couples and a dinner is involved, I would say go for it.

[Alienist]

Go for it no matter what the party is. Have fun and don't cling on the girl, don't try to flatter. Play with her, tease, have fun. Do it with others too. If she likes you, she'll follow you. If so, lead: move to other corners, get her acquainted with others, make her a guest in your world, not the opposite. If she lets you lead, take a comfortable place, touch, or brush her hair, sniff it, and compliment it - this is the time when you have to make compliments. If she's uncomfortable, you'll know it quickly, stop it, go back to talks and fun. If she lets you do this, kiss her after that. And don't cling. Go on, talk and have fun. If she likes you, she'll let you lead and proceed from smalltalk to kissing, and you can get away with anything. If she isn't into you, no tricks will overcome it, forget her.

[angielove]

Go for it no matter what the party is. Have fun and don't cling on the girl, don't try to flatter. Play with her, tease, have fun. Do it with others too. If she likes you, she'll follow you. If so, lead: move to other corners, get her acquainted with others, make her a guest in your world, not the opposite. If she lets you lead, take a comfortable place, touch, or brush her hair, sniff it, and compliment it - this is the time when you have to make compliments. If she's uncomfortable, you'll know it quickly, stop it, go back to talks and fun. If she lets you do this, kiss her after that. And don't cling. Go on, talk and have fun. If she likes you, she'll let you lead and proceed from smalltalk to kissing, and you can get away with anything. If she isn't into you, no tricks will overcome it, forget her.

 

Yeah, all of this. Except I wouldn't recommend sniffing her hair

[ihavelotsofcoconuts]

Go for it no matter what the party is. Have fun and don't cling on the girl, don't try to flatter. Play with her, tease, have fun. Do it with others too. If she likes you, she'll follow you. If so, lead: move to other corners, get her acquainted with others, make her a guest in your world, not the opposite. If she lets you lead, take a comfortable place, touch, or brush her hair, sniff it, and compliment it - this is the time when you have to make compliments. If she's uncomfortable, you'll know it quickly, stop it, go back to talks and fun. If she lets you do this, kiss her after that. And don't cling. Go on, talk and have fun. If she likes you, she'll let you lead and proceed from smalltalk to kissing, and you can get away with anything. If she isn't into you, no tricks will overcome it, forget her.

 

 

well...it's done. We went to that party, talked in each other's ear (because the music was too loud not because she was interested in mantaining an intimate touch)--mainly small talk (how she's been, how's school, how are her friends, stuff that happened to her/me recently etc). We were with some friends and another couple and at one point we went down to start dancing. She wasn't quite feeling it...she was just moving around to the music...poor poor dancing skills. I may not be a "dancing with the stars" contestant myself but i could tell she wasn't having that great a time (she had a bad cough and she said that it was a reason preventing her from feeling good...but i'm not buying it. i mean only a cough - bronchitis doesn't affect your general mood...you just cough). At one point we went up again, talked some more, and then because we were both getting tired and saw that she didn't have any mood left in her I asked her if we should go, took her home and we said goodbye, she thanked me for the ride and that was it.

 

The confusing part here is that she always wants to talk to me first and last summer she even complimented me (which is not in her nature) a few times (that i'm interesting to talk to...that she enjoys my personality, etc) but i was in a relationship then and didn't afford to make a move on her. But last night I was expecting some sort of signal:

I maintained eye contact as we talked, touched her hand when I could, grabbed her by the middle in gently way to make room for her through the crowd...but from her...nothing. I dunno, maybe she's shy, maybe she's not into me.

 

I was thinking about sending her a text last night to tell her that it was nice but I thought "heck...if she didn't do anything maybe she's not interested". Is that the case? You be the judge 'cause I'm confused as hell

Edited December 10, 2010 by ihavelotsofcoconuts

[Alienist]

I was thinking about sending her a text last night to tell her that it was nice but I thought "heck...if she didn't do anything maybe she's not interested". Is that the case? You be the judge 'cause I'm confused as hell

You're right, don't sms this way, it sounds like: "I like you badly, please come again". It's giving away the power. Would an attractive guy do this kind of thing? Only in the movies.

 

Also think of this: I've never seen an attractive girl doing a pass at a guy, unless he was VERY attractive (which has nothing to do with looks, nor discotec dancing skills), or the girl felt desperate. Not the best start of relationships. Girls want the guy to be in charge all the way from starting a conversation to sex. If you make a step and she's uncomfortable, she'll let you know.

 

Next time try to 'charge' your talks with flirt, create a bit of tension. There are tons of material on the internets about flirting. Read about it and try to do, after all it's so funny, and you'll be in charge, not riding the emotional roller-coaster.

[ihavelotsofcoconuts]

You're right, don't sms this way, it sounds like: "I like you badly, please come again". It's giving away the power. Would an attractive guy do this kind of thing? Only in the movies.

 

Next time try to 'charge' your talks with flirt, create a bit of tension. There are tons of material on the internets about flirting. Read about it and try to do, after all it's so funny, and you'll be in charge, not riding the emotional roller-coaster.

 

 

and how exactly would i do that without seeming lame? I mean i don't want to pull an "hey baby, why don't we skip this joint and head over to my love palace" :|. I want to be smooth, make her feel comfortable and safe to return the flirt (and by the looks of it with her it's not an easy task...heck...i don't even know if i'm in the friend zone and she went out just because she hadn't done it in a while or because she enjoys spending time with me).

 

SO basically that's my problem. I'm an attractive guy (you know the kind of attractive when you sit naked in front of the mirror with some ice cream on the chest to turn yourself on), with money, a nice car...but I can't do $h!t because i'm too afraid of rejection and plus i wouldn't know how to go all smooth like .

[Alienist]

and how exactly would i do that without seeming lame? I mean i don't want to pull an "hey baby, why don't we skip this joint and head over to my love palace" :|. I want to be smooth, make her feel comfortable and safe to return the flirt (and by the looks of it with her it's not an easy task...heck...i don't even know if i'm in the friend zone and she went out just because she hadn't done it in a while or because she enjoys spending time with me).

Good question. The example you give sounds lame because you still say "I want you, come to me, make me happy". Think of flirt as of a verbal playfight, or it's when you say she's cute, but you exaggerate it to absurdity.

 

I can remember some examples that I said, but look up the internets for more.

 

1, playfight: I told a girl off for curses. She asked: "Oh, I curse too much. How can I be a real lady?" "I think many girls would be happy with you as their guy."

 

2, playfight: me: "can you cook well?" "No. If you want me to make a great dinner for you, come and cook yourself." "Oh, you are screwing your chances with me!"

 

3, can't categorize: "Come on, you be the man, and I'll be the girl. Buy me an ice-cream?"

 

4, exaggeration: she shows up in a T-shirt with a phrase in English on the breasts and asks to translate. Me: "Turn around, I don't see the other end."

 

5, exaggeration: you dress up so that the look raised a dead? What are you doing at a party then? Go around the world and make miracles like Jesus.

 

6, at ice-skating. Guys use to say: "come on, it's not dangerous, I'll hold your hand, bla bla bla". I say: "Oh, if anything happens, I'll be your prince and will carry you like the Sleeping beauty to the ER. (girls start laughing at this point) We'll write your name and draw pink hearts on your cast, you'll look so nice."

I couldn't believe my eyes: a guy of our group brought a girl he was interested in, I told her this and another joke, and she started hitting on me. I wasn't into her at all, though.

 

And you are in the friend zone because she has let you take her home in your car. Problem is that you care too much of what she thinks. This way, it can magically happen that you'll be hauling her in your car to parties and back home, getting only hopes of a kiss in return. (And I don't imply any particular motive on her side.) I've been doing things like this, it doesn't work.

 

So stop caring what others think, it's none of your business, and thinking of this is making movies in your head, not being in reality. Think what do you think of yourself. What do you want in life? What kind of girl do you want? It's worth to sit down and write this on paper in detail.

 

Then think of what you want and need to do to yourself first. If a girl asks you to ride her home after the party and do a 50 miles loop, think if it interferes with any of your plans. Maybe need to wake up early next morning? Maybe you'll be sleepy, or want to drink at the party, not drive? If any of this is true, say "no, I can't". Just recently I had a girl that I like badly invite me to do sports in a way that I needed to put a lot of effort just to see her, and she'd do none. Had to say "no, I can't". If felt great after that btw, because I did the right thing. It's quite a subtle matter that one doesn't need to be very nice to earn respect and attract others. No, I'm not a dating or philosophical guru, but the things I share did really make me feel grounded and in control of myself. Wish you do the same and even better.

Edited December 10, 2010 by Alienist

[ihavelotsofcoconuts]

Ok so scratch that. The girl i was talking about is a closed issue. "BUT A NEW THREAT HAS RISEN ON THE HORIZON :p". So it's about the same party I was at the other night with my friends. And one of my girlfriends...let's call her X... brought some of her friends along...of which this hot-looking girl. And I was at the bar getting myself some water when all of a sudden X comes along with that girl and introduces me. I exchange two words with her and after a few seconds a guy comes along and says "hey...what are you two up to?"...it was her boyfriend...at the time I payed it no mid because I was interested into the dame i brought with me at the party (the one with the cough).

 

The other night I was at another college party with a few of the same friends (only without the cough girl). And X tells me that when that hot chick saw me she was like

"X...who's that good looking guy?"

"and x responded it's my friend...ihavelotsofcoconuts"

"introduce me! the other girl said".

And baffled by the whole thing I jumped up at X like "and you couldn't tell me this earlier?" to which she tells me that the girl had a boyfriend (the dude that came along that night). And somewhat disappointed, i said "oh" and sat back down. And here's the weird part...X tells me just after that that "well...it doesn't really matter. you should go out with us sometime and get some tequila shots with her...she'll drive you right under the table ---NOTE: X (who is in a serious relationship) was a little dizzy from the cosmopolitans she had been drinking but seriously? It doesn't matter whether she has a boyfriend? I mean the chick is really hot. I'd hit that immediately. And the fact that she wanted to be introduced to me...could that be a sign of interest in spite of her being in a relationship? Regarding the "we should go out for some shots"...i'd totally take that chance if it means hanging out with that girl (i wouldn't get wasted of course) so that I could test the field.

 

What would be the best course of attack? Should I ingore the fact that she has a BF and just not bring it up? I was thinking of throwing a party after the last week of school right here at my place and inviting everyone except her boyfriend . Any ideas?

[Alienist]

It doesn't matter whether she has a boyfriend? I mean the chick is really hot. I'd hit that immediately. And the fact that she wanted to be introduced to me...could that be a sign of interest in spite of her being in a relationship?

 

What would be the best course of attack? Should I ingore the fact that she has a BF and just not bring it up? I was thinking of throwing a party after the last week of school right here at my place and inviting everyone except her boyfriend . Any ideas?

Well, it's a good sign. But you still need to work all the way to her. This means people may think very well of you when they see you. For many men, including me, the question is not if he attracts/not attracts by his looks, but rather if he (being not beautiful) has distracting things or not, like weird gestures or bad teeth. If you see or don't see bad cloths, posture and other details, you can quickly make an assumption if that guy is hot or not. So she assumes high of you. What she'll think after being closer is up to you.

 

The fact that she didn't talk to you, is a neutral or even good thing: there's still a mystery about you, "hard to get". If I were there, I'd just be playful with her, not leaning towards, and invite to something adventurous, like hiking or a single day mountain skiing, or powerbocking. This would make her work to get to me too, cause less gossips, and if nothing else, I could have a good time. Maybe something else can work for you.

 

If her relationship goes well, she'll not try to get close to you. But may let you work the way to her. Some girls, especially hotties, welcome other guys to buy things to them or do a lot of favors. I saw and tried this. So don't do it. If she's has good ethics, she won't let even this, you'll notice quickly. If her relationship is not going well, or she just keeps the guy around, just stay cool, and you'll have good chances.

[ihavelotsofcoconuts]

so i've decided to throw the party. i have no ideea if she's bringing her boyfriend along, so i've invited the other chick as well (the one with the cough--anyway i'm not intending to do summersaults for any of them...just have a good time and anything extra is a big plus). I've set off to get her number/e-mail (she's studying law and i thought on working on the "law school? wow that's soo interesting, how 'bout you tell me more" lead). I figured that with a boyfriend either she's attracted to me phisically and with a few shots on board she'll have no trouble showing me what she really intends. If she's all retreated and **** i'll just back off.

 

But to come back to the approach: how would i start with her? just walk up to her and go like : " so, "name" i hear you're in law school...that's soo cool. how's that really like?" or should i go for the more aggressive approach? (which i would have no idea how to do)

[Alienist]

It's just fine to open a conversation. Make sure that it will be interesting after that. Charge it with slight flirt.