Livelovelearn Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 (edited) Hello LSers, I am stuck on something. I been with my ex for almost 3 years until he cheated on me 9 months ago, and after a while of not talking we started talking again. He is my first love and it was hard to let him go so i guess somehow i kept him in my life because he was familiar. Anyway we talk casually and he texts me here and there. And i do admit i still have feelings for him but recently through a friend i found out that he talked to the girl that he cheated on me with....couple months back the girl and him stopped talking because she found out about me then me and her talked. Anyway i just wonder is it wrong for me to feel like he shouldnt talk to her? I feel so angry again...like i have been with him for almost 3 years and he has been with her for 3 months, why is this man still talking to her? And to mention when i bring up things about our relationship he never wants to talk....thinking about it i know i should move on.. Edited December 9, 2010 by Livelovelearn
iamenough Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 Is it wrong to feel like he shouldn't talk to her? I don't know, maybe, technically he is single now, but I completely understand the anger. My ex cheated as well. I called them both out (separately) and their friendship *seemingly* ceased right after that. Then we broke up. A very SMALL amount of time passed (hours probably) and guess who he's in a relationship with today? Hah. Yeah, it sucks and it's hard, especially when they move on to the one they betrayed you with but at the end of the day, HE betrayed YOU. F him! It's time to stop paying attention to what he does, who he's talking to and all the rest of it. Good luck!
Author Livelovelearn Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 iamenough Love the name btw. But you know what you raised some great points.Its true he is single and i guess i cant stop him from being friends with anyone, even if it is the girl he cheated on me with. I just dont understand it though because maybe he has unfinished business left with her and i would not be able to handle if they got back together. My best friend told me that if i get jealous that means i cannot handle the friendship with him, and honestly a person who betrays you like that isnt considered a friend. I know it all but its putting things into actions that i cant do. I am sorry to hear about your situation but your ex sounds selfish! Let him do what he wants in that relationship and leave him alone im sure he'll come to regret it when you are over him! Thanks for the advice I think I will stop paying attention to him. I contemplated on texting him to tell him I cant be friends but others have suggested to just ignore him and give no reason. So i was confused which to do..i think ignoring is best?
iamenough Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 I'm with your friends on this. I wouldn't contact him for any reason at all, ever. The thing that helped me get through the worst parts was the desire to be strong in the face of his bullsh*t. You know what I'm saying? He crushed me and he knew it, but I wasn't about to highlight that fact or drag it out past the initial breakup. Forget that, I (we) are way better then that! There were times when it got really hard not to give him a more extended piece of my mind.... So, I started to imagine that he was waiting for me to crack, waiting for a midnight text or a drunk dial or some long winded email, crying over how hurt i was. - I WAS hurt... but I NEVER did any of those things. I just imagined him waiting for it, and I found a tremendous amount of strength in that, like.. I was determined to keep him waiting forever, ya feel me? I see my ex around all the time, our social circles are meshed, I have found myself face to face with him on several occasions (not on purpose, but when you have mutual friends, it happens) He has hinted at "Regret" but I don't buy it for a second. The only thing he regrets is how stupid he looks now. I'm not about to sit here and tell you it's easy to 'suck it up' because in this case, it isn't. However, the more I stuck to it.. dug into my pride and strength, the easier it got. With effort and time it gets easier. Do not contact him.
Author Livelovelearn Posted December 10, 2010 Author Posted December 10, 2010 Thanks Iamenough!! I must say your advice and words have probably been one of the best that i have received on here. You sound like a very strong person and I hope you find someone way better than your ex. From what you say it seems like hes probably feeling like an idiot, good for him!! I like what you said,I think i am going to try that -- to keep in mind that he expects me to contact him or to do all the sillyness to show that i am "weak". But not this time im going to make him wait as well. So far its been about 3 days since i have talked to him and i dont even feel the need or urge to say anything to him. I think i have reached the fed up stage and realizing that a leopard really doesnt change its spots! Thank you so much for the suggestion. Keep it up and i wish you the best!!
iamenough Posted December 10, 2010 Posted December 10, 2010 You're welcome.. just don't focus too much on "making him wait" - it's nothing more then a concept to help light a fire under your butt! It's something to draw on during the "weak" moments, when you need a little help to be stronger.... but don't let the concept be your driving force, you know? It doesn't matter if he's waiting or not. Now is the time to get back to YOU and stop paying attention to him. You got this.
Author Livelovelearn Posted December 11, 2010 Author Posted December 11, 2010 oh of course, of course i am not here in desperation trying to torture him as much as i thought he was torturing me. actually right now its been about 5 days that we havent talked and i feellllll greaaaaaaaaaat!!!! ever since i found out that he talked to her, its like it hit me! this man is not who i thought he was, atleast not anymore and he will not change this disgusting trait about him anytime soon, so whether he comes back or not, i honestly feel it in my heart that i will tell him i am not interested...i dont even miss him!! of course i think about him here and there but i think im starting to feel..indifferent..after all those up and down months after the break up i came to my senses! thanks for the advice and support Iamenough, since you were the only one who took the time to respond. it is greatly appreciated
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