Did I ruin my chances with this guy?

December 9, 2010

I hope someone can give me some input about what might be going on in this guys mind and if I should just except that it's over.

I met this guy about 1 1/2 months ago via online. He seemed really excited about me and even had me come to a Halloween party at his parent's to meet his family after only knowing each other for two weeks. He kept saying how beautiful he thought I was and really excited at showing me off to all his family members. He really made me feel beautiful.

Sadly, I'll admit that we did have sex that weekend after the Halloween party (I know that wasn't the wisest move, but it felt right). However, I was worried that his attention would cease once that happened, but for a couple weeks he was still very attentive and he still called me everyday and came by my place when he could.

He lives a little over an hour away from me (out in the country), which I knew would complicate our ability to see each other everyday. He opted to be the one to come to my place as opposed to me coming to his because I live in an area where rush hour is a problem at the times I would be going over to see him. But one weekend I went to where he lives and the night went ok, but something felt off. He was irritated that I didn't get to his place till later than he had expected. I guess he was thinking I wasn't excited about seeing him. That was soooo not the case. He didn't tell me when I should be at his place and said as long as it's before the UFC fight begins I should be fine. I got to his place at 7:45, the game started at 10 pm.

The following day we were in his room and he said he was going to hang out with this brother to watch the game. I noticed that he didn't invite me or make me feel welcome to come. It really made me feel like I was overstaying my welcome and possibly he could be indirectly telling me to leave. He knows I'm not a big football fan, but after a little awkwardness he said I was welcome to join them. Which I did.

The awkwardness was still apparent to me and it caused me to be a bit on the quiet side. After the game I told him I was going to leave and he gave me a really strange disappointed look. All of a sudden he started acting very detacted and disinterested in me, like if I'm gonna go....just leave. I was extremely confused. I didn't know what that meant. I (again) felt like I was over staying my welcome. Well, we talked about that the next day and I thought we resolved the matter. I explained to him that he made me feel like I was over staying my welcome and that it made me uncomfortable, which led me to being quiet.

That was the last time I saw him in person, although he still called me everyday. He would make plans to come out and see me then the day would come and he would tell me that something came up and couldn't, for example, he was either sick, hunting, or had to do something for work. This happened several times. All of Thanksgiving weekend we didn't see each other for the reasons I previously mentioned. Even thought we talked everyday it was only for about 5 minutes. He is not much of a talker on the phone, so you can imagine seeing him in person is pretty important for our relationship to flourish.

I then didn't see him all of the following week either. Then Thursday of that week came, which he promised he would definately come see me. I couldn't wait till Thursday. It finally came and he called me when I was getting off work to tell me that he had to run some errands for his Mom and that he thinks it would be better to see me on Friday so we didn't have to worry about getting up for work since it will be the weekend.

I was so disappointed. The past two weeks he was blowing me off and now again!! I was frustrated and angry and told him that his blowing me off keeps happening and that I'm starting to lose interest because we aren't seeing each other. I really didn't mean what I said, because I am still interested. I just wanted to point out that building a relationship isn't going to happen if we don't put time in getting to know each other. (Phone converstions alone with this guy isn't enough.)

He responded, "Well, maybe we shouldn't see each other tomorrow either." I told him that I do want to see him, and that I guess I have no choice, but to wait till tomorrow. He said he would give me a call tomorrow.

I haven't heard from him since. It's been about a week. He won't answer any of my phone calls or return my messages. I left him one short message explaining that I was concerned that he hasn't called and another a bit later excepting that if it's over I would like for him to at least talk to me about it. I then left him another message a day later telling him again that IF it's over between us I would at least like for him to contact me so I don't have to be left in the dark.

I'm pretty sure it's over now, but it would have been decent of him to at least tell me what brought it to this. I guess he has decided that he no longer wants to pursue me. People get in arguments and say silly things to each other all the time. I feel like he is trying to punish me, when all I was doing was voicing my disappointment. I think if he really was in to me he wouldn't be ignoring me like this. Can any one give me an opinion on what you think he might be doing? Thanks for reading my long post.

December 9, 2010

He sounds like a head case. Red flags should have gone up when he asked you to meet his family after knowing you for only two weeks.

December 9, 2010

He either lost interest or you're smothering him.

The best thing you can do is go cold turkey on the guy. Stop calling him and don't give an explanation as to why. Just be on your merry way.

The worst thing you can do is keep chasing him. It won't be far off until he tells you to get lost if you keep nagging. You've tried everything you could and from what you wrote you did everything right IMO.

I suggest you move on. I know it's hard. I've had the same thing happen with girls, the constant excuses of why they can't see you. It's all BS. If he was crazy about you then he would be making time to see you. The sooner you break it off the easier it will be to heal.

The flip side about breaking it off soon is that you won't blow up the relationship and you'll have a better chance of mending things or picking it back up in the future if you so desire.

So lay off this guy.

December 9, 2010

I think your first mistake was overstaying your welcome on the day he wanted to go watch football with his brother. Instead of responding to his prompting that he wanted to end the date, you waited for him to ask you to come along.

I agree with the above poster that it's possible he felt smothered.

Never overstay your welcome to the point where your date has to prompt you to leave!

December 9, 2010

sorry i tried but once i got to the "met this guy online and he lives an hour away" all interest was lost..

December 9, 2010

Thanks Youngskywalker for your input. I think he lost interest as opposed to me smothering him because all the times we spoke on the phone was due to his calling me. (Not that I didn't want to call him...I did, he just called me more) What got me is he would call but would have nothing to talk about, which led me to do all the talking. That's annoying Number 1.

Number 2:

From our conversations he really led me to believe that he has som insecurity issues because he always said things like...."if you want to" or "you don't have to stay". That's also really annoying.

I guess he thought I really didn't like him and my comment stating that "I'm starting to lose interest" had him running for the hills. I feel awful about that, but he won't give me a chance to reassure him that that's not the case.

I need a man who is confident in himself, not a coward that runs at the first sight of conflict. What an A-hole.

December 9, 2010

Thanks D-Lish for your input too. I was going to leave at the moment he told me that he was going to watch the game with his brother and I said to him, "I guess I should get going then, huh?" He said, "Oh, You can come too to watch the game, but you don't have to stay unless you want to." I told him that I want to spend time with him and that I have nothing else going on, so I'd be happy to.

Eh....He is very confusing and I don't know what happened. I guess we simply just weren't going to work out.

December 10, 2010

I don't think you smothered him, but then again I wasnt there on all of your dates to judge.

Maaaaaaybe you should have just gone home when he said he was gonna watch the fight with his brother and then kinda laid low after that. But then again, that would maybe peak his interest for a minute, only to start acting shady again. Sounds like this guy is the kind of guy youd have to be playing constant games with to "keep".

I doubt you did anything wrong. But definitely dont contact him anymore.

December 10, 2010

Thanks D-Lish for your input too. I was going to leave at the moment he told me that he was going to watch the game with his brother and I said to him, "I guess I should get going then, huh?" He said, "Oh, You can come too to watch the game, but you don't have to stay unless you want to." I told him that I want to spend time with him and that I have nothing else going on, so I'd be happy to.

Eh....He is very confusing and I don't know what happened. I guess we simply just weren't going to work out.

ah i didnt see this post. ok so you attempted to leave.

weird. sounds like a guy that likes to test girls. i hate those guys. grr.

December 10, 2010

Well, he still hasn't called and it's been a week and a day. I'm pretty sure he isn't going to call. Rejection in general is really painful, but this type of rejection is blatantly mean and stings really bad. He lifted my spirits. He instilled this hope in me that had me thinking positively that my future is not destined to be a lonely one after all. And now he has stepped all over my self-esteem.

I'm in my mid-30s, I've never been married and would like to be one day. I'd like to have kids too, but time is ticking and if that is going to become a reality, I'd better start making a real effort or it won't happen. He said he was looking for the samething too. He came on really strong in the beginning and has now completely abandoned me. I definately will not be taking him back. He has no consideration for my feelings. I didn't do anything to him to jusitfy his ignoring me. He's a SPINELESS F**KING COWARD!! I feel like he is trying to punish me for all the crap he went through with previous girlfriends.

I know he's lost interest and doesn't give a damn how that makes me feel. I really hope he ends up having a guilty conscience. I know it's not likely, but it's nice to think he will. That way, if he does end up calling me back I can tell him off.

Why do some people, (both men and women), when it comes to relationships, just walk out of your life without having the courtesy to end it. I couldn't do that to someone. It would make me feel like a terrible person. I know how if feels to be hurt and would try my best to end things with someone as painlessly as possible. If I had the time to get involved with someone romantically, then I have the time to end it respectfully.

I am so fed up with dating!!

December 10, 2010

Well, he still hasn't called and it's been a week and a day. I'm pretty sure he isn't going to call. Rejection in general is really painful, but this type of rejection is blatantly mean and stings really bad. He lifted my spirits. He instilled this hope in me that had me thinking positively that my future is not destined to be a lonely one after all. And now he has stepped all over my self-esteem.

I'm in my mid-30s, I've never been married and would like to be one day. I'd like to have kids too, but time is ticking and if that is going to become a reality, I'd better start making a real effort or it won't happen. He said he was looking for the samething too. He came on really strong in the beginning and has now completely abandoned me. I definately will not be taking him back. He has no consideration for my feelings. I didn't do anything to him to jusitfy his ignoring me. He's a SPINELESS F**KING COWARD!! I feel like he is trying to punish me for all the crap he went through with previous girlfriends.

I know he's lost interest and doesn't give a damn how that makes me feel. I really hope he ends up having a guilty conscience. I know it's not likely, but it's nice to think he will. That way, if he does end up calling me back I can tell him off.

Why do some people, (both men and women), when it comes to relationships, just walk out of your life without having the courtesy to end it. I couldn't do that to someone. It would make me feel like a terrible person. I know how if feels to be hurt and would try my best to end things with someone as painlessly as possible. If I had the time to get involved with someone romantically, then I have the time to end it respectfully.

I am so fed up with dating!!

i know just how you feel:o

December 15, 2010

I just wanted to follow up on the outcome of my situation.....I was feeling really down about what happened with this guy and let a week and a half go by without contacting him. Something obviously changed for him because he wasn't contacting me nor had the courtesy to formally end it with me.

Clearly because he didn't want to deal with it.

It had only been a month and 1/2 of dating so why should I feel this way...right?

Well, it hurt that someone that I thought was interested in me and I was hopeful about would suddenly ignore me.

I struggled with the idea of contacting him....believe me it pained me to pick up the phone, but tonight I finally got the courage and called him.

He didn't answer. I knew that was going to happen. In fact, his phone rang only 3 times before going to voicemail, which means he hit ignore when he saw me calling. A**H*LE.

Anyway, that's not what mattered to me. I had ignored what really was the issue. We weren't meant for each other. It doesn't matter that we were attracted to each other physically and our personalities complimented each other.

His lifestyle was just very different than mine. I honestly didn't like who he really was...hobbies, etc. I reflected back on our interaction and thought...holy crap...this guy is dull and took no interest in the things I was interested in. He couldn't have an intellectual conversation if his life depended on it. However, to his credit, he wasn't stupid. He would try to be witty, but would flop. I laughed just to make him feel good, even though he unknowingly embarassed himself. Ha Ha!! He is selfish and has nothing at all to offer except the bad credit history he told me about, and no history of longivity with women. Eek!

Furthermore, he lives over an hour away and with his parents. I suspect he has never really lived on his own before, without the aid of his parents at the ripe old age of 32. That's just shameful.

When I called him....it wasn't an attempt to reconcile things between us, but really just for me. My call went to voicemail and I told him that I didn't expect for him to answer and only hoped that he might possibly pick up so we could talk just to end things amicably. But no big deal. I also said that I was not requesting a call back. Then I wished him well and a happy holiday season and to take care.

For some reason, that made me feel so much better. I had my closure. Now I'm ready to bet back to my old self again.

December 15, 2010